Things were great, but don't let your guard down.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
Scary stuff brick. Scary for me cause I still feel so unsure of myself. Glad your back and safe. It could have been a lot worse. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on that wagon. You will be alright.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
thank you for this....
I get what you're saying and this frightens me.
I have begun to feel that sense of being able to be special... I don't drink. I said it today. A friend said "geeze one of these days I'll offer you a beer but I know you have to work today..."
And I responded, "that's ok, I don't drink anymore!".
And that felt good. Her husband even said "I'm not there yet... but I'd like to be....". And then it felt even better.
But then at dinner with my Lady, she had a beer. She has one from time to time, and literally just one. For a flash of a moment my mind said to me "Geeze.... a beer would be good with this burger. One of these days you can just have a beer with your burger."
Crazy. Just this morning I reviewed my entire first step with my current sponsor and after almost 10 months of reflecting on all the glaring and powerful evidence of my alcoholism..... there comes that thought. So yes. I believe you're absolutely right. I believe we really DO always have to have our guard up. We have to make sobriety a key part of our lives in subtle and not so subtle ways. Eventually, that switch will flip. If we are not active and vigilant and working on our sobriety and whole-human-ness and being honest with ourselves - just like that we can be back at square one; harder and darker than ever before.
I get what you're saying and this frightens me.
I have begun to feel that sense of being able to be special... I don't drink. I said it today. A friend said "geeze one of these days I'll offer you a beer but I know you have to work today..."
And I responded, "that's ok, I don't drink anymore!".
And that felt good. Her husband even said "I'm not there yet... but I'd like to be....". And then it felt even better.
But then at dinner with my Lady, she had a beer. She has one from time to time, and literally just one. For a flash of a moment my mind said to me "Geeze.... a beer would be good with this burger. One of these days you can just have a beer with your burger."
Crazy. Just this morning I reviewed my entire first step with my current sponsor and after almost 10 months of reflecting on all the glaring and powerful evidence of my alcoholism..... there comes that thought. So yes. I believe you're absolutely right. I believe we really DO always have to have our guard up. We have to make sobriety a key part of our lives in subtle and not so subtle ways. Eventually, that switch will flip. If we are not active and vigilant and working on our sobriety and whole-human-ness and being honest with ourselves - just like that we can be back at square one; harder and darker than ever before.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Northampton
Posts: 97
I feel so sad for you that you abandoned you humanity for a delusion of grandeur.
Especially when you were getting close to people. Do you think you got scared and sabotaged your 'recovery' to avoid feeling vulnerable?
That's what I do over and over again because I harbour these deep fears but I realize now it is pointless for me to remain fearful and it's better to admit and explore those fears instead of focussing on superpowers. I believe the only power that exists is LOVE which we manifest by being just our true selves. Pleased to meet you.
Especially when you were getting close to people. Do you think you got scared and sabotaged your 'recovery' to avoid feeling vulnerable?
That's what I do over and over again because I harbour these deep fears but I realize now it is pointless for me to remain fearful and it's better to admit and explore those fears instead of focussing on superpowers. I believe the only power that exists is LOVE which we manifest by being just our true selves. Pleased to meet you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Addiction is a relentless patient and implacable enemy, brick.
It's practised at sweet nothings and honey-dripping lies...but the next time you hear
"Hey, drinks with this awesome dinner sounds great!" you'll know the voice and where it comes from.
you're stronger for this experience...you've been sober before and you can be again...but better stronger and more knowledgeable about the wiles of addiction.
You can, and will, get back to where you want to be. It starts with a day one, then day two...and so on
It's practised at sweet nothings and honey-dripping lies...but the next time you hear
"Hey, drinks with this awesome dinner sounds great!" you'll know the voice and where it comes from.
you're stronger for this experience...you've been sober before and you can be again...but better stronger and more knowledgeable about the wiles of addiction.
You can, and will, get back to where you want to be. It starts with a day one, then day two...and so on
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Montreal
Posts: 135
Originally Posted by brickthrowing 
I know huh?! Its a really frightening perspective. But then again when I think of people with allergies to peanuts and what they have to go through.
We can do this…
We can do this…
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
