Thatdeliveryguy

Well I got a private message, and that person, it wouldn't be right for me to identify them hit it on the head. I didn't take me medication for he day.

I just took my pill for the day, and since last night( I shouldn't say this because I suppose this can be subpoenaed) but I started a binge last night. I was still drinking this morning, I've stopped now, but back to square one again!

Going to go to rehab, actually now I have 2 referrals to rehab, both are free offers. Off my meds you can all see the results its a different me, and for that I am sorry.

Shaky and going to try to power through detox, yet again, this was a heavy binge, all I was thinking about was court and my daughter. I was drunk on the phone with CPS today, I don't think they noticed but I did pick a fight. So stupid, all I got now is rehab.

I know detox well, I do have the kindling effect, I am very shaky hardly able to type right now, and shaky and cloudy in the head. So dumb, I don't want to lie to people, I don't want anyone to know how addicted I am, I am sorry you all have to see my demise.

I am going to do rehab hopefully by Monday, maybe I will post later tonight, very anxious and jittery and I am suprised by how easy it is for people to see when I am on medication and when I am not. In my own head I don't notice.

So many times I've done this, just stressed, I guess I am SR's guy that just doesn't get it, going to sober up again, and see about rehab in the morning. Sorry again, taken the pill, now time to just be straight again.

LSC1

((((Thatdeliveryguy))))

Dee74

You're no different to the rest of us Jeremy. It took me years of doing the same dumb things before I got it.

I wasn't dumb tho - I was mostly scared...feelings, hard times, the unknown, anger...it all spooked me.

The only tool I knew was to drink.

You're learning about a whole lot of new tools Jeremy.
Trust in them. Use them.

Give them a go

D

Nuudawn

Something about what Dee says here reminds me of a story a pilot friend told me a while back. He was telling me about how a pilot must learn how to trust in his instruments which is very difficult to do when our mind thinks it knows better.

I remember him telling me something about how the fluid in our ears doesn't level in the way it should in the air (or something to this affect)...essentially what he was explaining was how a pilot will think he is "level" when he is not..it will appear obvious...despite the fact his instruments is telling him differently. Inexperienced pilots commonly have difficulty with this as they do not learn to fly initially with instruments....

My friend explained all this in detail..but the gist of it was..the part I remember is how an inexperienced pilot named John F. Kennedy Jr. nosedived into the ocean...because he thought he was level..
He did not trust his instruments..
And made a move that his mind told him was natural
And he nosedived straight into the ocean...

DrakeCKC

It's ok TDG... many here know and understand. Nothing to be ashamed of, but I do hope you can get some intensive rehab or other directed treatment soon.

Hang in friend!

biminiblue

Yeah, the JFK Jr. thing was horrible - himself, his beautiful bride and her sister. So tragic.

And a very good comparison, Nuu.

J, you're going to have to tap into that part of you that is Open, Honest, and Willing to live.

BlissWithin

If I try to binge like that on antipsychotics (which I am) I have to drink a lot more to maintain the buzz, I would just sleep earlier, watch out for your alcohol intake Jeremy, you may be drinking a much more than you think you are

EndGameNYC

Not being able to trust other people, and not being able to trust yourself is a terrible place for anyone. Mental health issues or not, this is something that many of us can identify with. The fear is both intense and exquisite.

Why wouldn't you choose to again not take your medication and to binge? From what I've read, it seems that doing so makes you feel stronger and certainly less vulnerable. Yet it always ends with varying degrees of disaster. You can be certain that this will not change.

Nuudawn offered a poignant analogy regarding flight. There are moments in everyone's life when our instincts -- which under normal conditions keep us safe -- lead to tragedy under extraordinary conditions.

When I was drinking and insisted on doing things my way, I often crashed and burned. I learned to seek out and then use the good counsel of others the hard way. Your flight instruments are the legal system, your healthcare workers, and the people who are tasked with shepherding you through this extraordinarily difficult process. I don't see a better choice for you than allowing them do what they need to do.

Hawks

G'day Jeremy

Your signature says it all mate.

"hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."

Live with hope.

sprout50

Jeremy, I am going to be a little tough on you but I hope you know this is coming from a place of caring.

For about two months now, I have watched your addictive voice put off going to rehab for one reason or another. I don't think you have fully embraced the idea of being sober. In your other post, you argue that .08 is not drunk. By not going to rehab, you give yourself an out to drink and go off your
medication. I, too, was the queen of excuse making. The best thing I ever did was admit to being an alcoholic and take FULL responsibility for it.

You need rehab today. Not "maybe by the end of the week or maybe by Monday". You have an offer for free rehab-take it today. Everything else can wait.

Jeremy, I am actually afraid for you. At the same time, I know you can do this. Go to rehab. We will be here for you when you get back.

Ultramarathoner

I've followed your posts as well. In fact, I joined SR a couple of months ago to answer your question about antipsychotic meds.

Several times you've posted about some very specefic negative consequences of being off your meds. I'm not giving you medical advice here and am only going to reference your antipsychotic medication.

If you are missing doses unintentionally, a monthy injection may help. This, in theory, will provide symptom control for a month as you tackle the other areas of your life you'd like to change.

If you are avoiding your meds b/c of the side effects, there are a bunch of antipsychotics on the market each with a different profile and side effects. Bring this up with your MD.

Again, this is not medical advice. It is a suggestion to have a discussion with an MD about your medication complience. You are a bright guy who has posted about the consequene of being noncomplient. Lets find a way to remove that barrier to wellness.

Stayingsober72

Big hugs TDG. You are not alone. Many of us have fallen. Fall down 99, get up 100. You have a beautiful daughter to fight for, and she needs her dad. Now is the time to turn it around and get sober, for you, for her, for all those whom you love and who love you. I can sense your desire to do this, and you can do it. Godspeed my friend.

hopeful4

You can do this, but you have to proactively make the choice to take care of yourself. Taking medication, not drinking. As long as you don't, your life will continue to spiral out of control.

The power to change this is within you.

Hugs...

PurpleKnight

Hang in there Jeremy!!

pupkin

Hang on, Jeremy. I'm pulling for you.

Soberpotamus

Hi Jeremy... two things. 1 - An above mention of a monthly injection sounds like a very good idea, since there seems to be an issue with you missing pills. 2 - Rehab - when are you going?? Not tentatively, but definitely. Do you have it set up?