ItsJustMe89

Maybe I just haven't gotten sick and tired enough of being sick and tired. I am going to IOP (by choice, no one forced me). I have been going for 3 weeks now. But the longest I have gone without drinking in that time is 3 1/2 days. I am a nightly lone drinker and have been for a while. I am putting a lot of time into going to IOP, yet as soon as I leave, I pick up some wine or captain morgan and go home and drink like usual. There has to be something in me that wants to quit.. but not enough. Part of me wants to keep drinking or I just keep saying, i'll quit tomorrow.

Also, when I am talking with the other recovering addicts/alcoholics at IOP, I notice how much worse most of their addictions were. I am an alcoholic and I have done other drugs in the past but haven't in a long time. Now my main thing is drinking with very occasional pot smoking. But I feel like the goody two shoes compared to the other people in IOP. So I think maybe I don't have a problem. Or it really isn't that bad.

Its not as if I want it to get super horrible, scary, and miserable. But I feel like I must not be desperate enough yet or else I would stop drinking. Before I need to go to inpatient for it, before I get arrested, before I lose my job, before my mom decides to stop rescuing me from the consequences of my bad choices.

Somehow though, I feel like not all my problems are caused by drinking. Some things are just cause I am irresponsible, careless, lazy, and think my mom will always be there to soften the consequences to any mistakes I make.

I know I need to grow up, I want to grow up, but I continue to be the same person. I am 25 and still act like I am 17 in some ways.

Sunsetred

What made you join IOP in the first place? There was obviously something that made you think, right this has to stop? Try and remember what it was that first got you to this place then you might see why you need to stop. It seems like you're doing as I do very often and trying to make excuses or justify your drinking. If you think there is a problem it's most likely that there is, and therefore would it not be better to deal with it now before you get to the place those other alcoholics are at, because that will inevitably happen. Be positive, you can do it!!

Chrissy2014

Have you talked to you Mother about your situation?

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Dee74

I used to think I lacked willingness and motivation too...I look back now and I think I was scared. I didn't want t be an alcoholic, I didn't want to have to change my life...

what I really wanted to be was a drinker who had control.

Does any of that apply to you IJM89?

MariahGayle

IJM - something brought you here to this site & may be that it is your addiction that does not want you to think it is a problem. Glad you are here...never give up

least

I hope we can help you to gain the motivation you need to truly stop drinking for good.

Hawks

A) You haven't ... YET

(B) It's not ...YET

(C) You aren't YET, but your'e getting very very close. Posting here & being self admitted to IOP is evidence

(D) You haven't been, you haven't and your Mom hasn't .... YET

(E) They aren't, but you drink to mask over them.

F.E.A.R. = Face everything and recover
Or
F.E.A.R. = F**K everything and run (back to booze)

Your choice ItsJustMe89

Welcome by the way & all the best with your decision

roguedreams

I think I heard somebody on here once say they had to "bring their bottom up" or something to that effect - that while they knew they could've been worse before they chose to quit, they decided to curtail it before it got there.

I can relate to what you say - that you're not the worst. And we compare ourselves with the "others" and think, meh, I'm not that bad.

But what I started doing was looking at MY OWN LIFE, and the quality of it (or the lack thereof). Sure, I wasn't in the gutter. But was I living the life I wanted? DEFINITELY NOT. Could I do better for myself? DEFINITELY. So I stopped comparing, started to focus more on the similarities instead of the differences, and well, it took off.

And I'm so immeasurably grateful. I still feel like "I wasn't that bad" but I rebuttal that with - "but life could be so much better" - and I live for that "better". I work hard at that "better" every day. I absolutely CLING to the threads of hope that there is a BETTER out there for me. And the first step in that direction is acknowledging that that BETTER does not have alcohol in its equation.

Big hugs, and welcome! I like your avatar, btw.

VikingGF

I firmly believe anyone who quits while they are still breathing got out before it was as bad as it could get. Anyone in the grips of addiction knows this, eventually. Sometimes you have to be clear from it for a little bit to realize the dire situation.

Also, if you are playing the comparison game, there will ALWAYS be someone worse off than you. But do you really want to wait until finding them is difficult?

You are certainly on the right path, you are here, you are aware that you SHOULD stop- now it's a matter of making the decision and sticking to it.

I hope you do!