Feeling a bit nervous
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Feeling a bit nervous
I am now on day three of antabuse and I have to say, I am feeling really good.
I believe it was MarathonMan who said in another thread a few days back that a lot of us trying to quit drinking really over-think the whole thing.
That stuck with me and I realized that I had very much so been over-thinking things.
Now that I have antabuse in my system I feel like a have a shield around me and it has taken the thinking part out of the equation.
"oh, it's a rainy day and cold, wouldn't a nice glass of red..." NO
"hmm, I wonder if there will be...." NO
"a glass of champagne at the wedding wou....." NO
I have had a few passing cravings, but they are immediately closed down with a loud, resounding NO
Just no. No thinking about it anymore, just no. It is relieving and I am finding I have a lot more freedom to just get on with my day now.
That said.... I am an over thinker and now I am wondering if this "easy way out" is going to come back to haunt me later. Maybe I should be doing more work? Does that make sense? I do plan on doing work- seeing my psychologist regularly, online AA, reading and posting here, reading and thinking at home alone. I do not anticipate going off the medication until I feel like I have done a reasonable amount of growth. But I am nervous. I feel like I am missing something. The drastic shift from absolute hell on earth struggle to keep from relapsing to skipping through my day feeling immune to alcohol because of a pill makes me feel uneasy and wary.
What do you think? Am I being naive? Or am I just resting and enjoying a few easy wins before I start the hard work?
I believe it was MarathonMan who said in another thread a few days back that a lot of us trying to quit drinking really over-think the whole thing.
That stuck with me and I realized that I had very much so been over-thinking things.
Now that I have antabuse in my system I feel like a have a shield around me and it has taken the thinking part out of the equation.
"oh, it's a rainy day and cold, wouldn't a nice glass of red..." NO
"hmm, I wonder if there will be...." NO
"a glass of champagne at the wedding wou....." NO
I have had a few passing cravings, but they are immediately closed down with a loud, resounding NO
Just no. No thinking about it anymore, just no. It is relieving and I am finding I have a lot more freedom to just get on with my day now.
That said.... I am an over thinker and now I am wondering if this "easy way out" is going to come back to haunt me later. Maybe I should be doing more work? Does that make sense? I do plan on doing work- seeing my psychologist regularly, online AA, reading and posting here, reading and thinking at home alone. I do not anticipate going off the medication until I feel like I have done a reasonable amount of growth. But I am nervous. I feel like I am missing something. The drastic shift from absolute hell on earth struggle to keep from relapsing to skipping through my day feeling immune to alcohol because of a pill makes me feel uneasy and wary.
What do you think? Am I being naive? Or am I just resting and enjoying a few easy wins before I start the hard work?
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
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Also take the wins while you're getting them, if it feels easy enjoy your accomplishment and hopefully those happy feelings will help pull you through the darker times. Sobriety shouldn't feel like punishment we have to make it feel like the happy thing it is.
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Originally Posted by MarathonMan 
Oh my god.....I just got quoted......for the first and last time probably
I am fully aware that this is a psychological issue. Of course I CAN drink on antabuse if I want. It wouldn't be fun, but I could just as easily get a glass of wine and drink as I could before. I am not locked in a jail cell. But I feel like I have a shield around me, that something else is protecting me. I feel safe for the first time in a very long time.
I know that the key to long term recovery will be to unlock that psychological bit... but therein lies the whole over thinking bit. For now I am just trying to enjoy a few days of relaxing from the constant internal struggle. I want to get over the exhaustion of battling first before I start back up on the hard work. The antabuse is buying me some time to relax and rest before I get to that point.
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Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
I think you've been spending an extraordinary amount of time dissecting why whatever it is that you do won't work.
This time though, I have found what works. For me, now, this works and I'll take it. I would take being locked away in jail as "free" sober days. Any day I don't drink is a good day, no matter the reason.
But I do want this to be a lasting change so I find myself thinking ahead.
Are you suggesting that I am negative in general, that I make excuses and plan for failure? Or are you saying that I should just stop thinking about it so much altogether and get on with it? It wasn't completely clear from your post and I do always appreciate your input.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Dayton, OH
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Actually I need to add to that. Your on Antabuse right now, if that works Awesome. More power to you. Take advantage of anything that helps. One thing you still need to do, and youll hear this in AA alot, is you need to have a Sober Toolkit. And obviously, thats the tools you use when you have that urge. Right now, antabuse is your tool, SR is also a great tool, but you need to have an arsenal of things to maintain sobriety. Alcoholism is one crafty SOB. I think if you keep posting your thoughts and reading others, by the time the prescription runs out, youll be all set. Awesome post, thanks!
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Hi Mera,
Glad to hear that you have had a few good days. I definitely relate to being an over thinker, especially when I was also an over-drinker simultaneously and in the very early phases of sobriety. My suggestion is what worked for me. Try not to grasp too much on the feelings and emotional states that you are experiencing, and most likely you will be experiencing for a while. I am sure you have read tons of posts here on SR about how early sobriety is a roller coaster. I think that if we grasp too much on all these transient fluctuations, we are more likely to compromise our recovery. "Why did I do this? Why do I feel this way? Oh, I'm going great now, I think I've found what works! Whew, these days are hard, why do I suddenly feel so crappy and have urges to drink?"
Etc etc etc.
It's endless mental activity that can very effectively distract us from the real challenges and what really needs to be done today and next to continue the process of recovery.
I think you are not missing anything as long as you stay sober and try to make constructive changes (but not compulsively!). Also, please don't get hooked on a momentary feeling that you are now "immune" to alcohol.
If you like to analyze your experience, my suggestion is that your put that on hold consciously for a while. Try to find healthy ways to relax both your mind and your body. You can revisit all the thinking and analysis later when you feel more stable and it no longer feels overwhelming. In my first few months, I often found that I had the worst drinking urges when I attempted to take apart the whole universe and tried to understand everything. My own thinking tended to be a trigger. Relaxing that helped me a lot.
You have done an important step with starting the Antabuse. So enjoy the good days but try not to get now overly hooked on this feeling!
Glad to hear that you have had a few good days. I definitely relate to being an over thinker, especially when I was also an over-drinker simultaneously and in the very early phases of sobriety. My suggestion is what worked for me. Try not to grasp too much on the feelings and emotional states that you are experiencing, and most likely you will be experiencing for a while. I am sure you have read tons of posts here on SR about how early sobriety is a roller coaster. I think that if we grasp too much on all these transient fluctuations, we are more likely to compromise our recovery. "Why did I do this? Why do I feel this way? Oh, I'm going great now, I think I've found what works! Whew, these days are hard, why do I suddenly feel so crappy and have urges to drink?"
Etc etc etc.
It's endless mental activity that can very effectively distract us from the real challenges and what really needs to be done today and next to continue the process of recovery.
I feel like I am missing something. The drastic shift from absolute hell on earth struggle to keep from relapsing to skipping through my day feeling immune to alcohol because of a pill makes me feel uneasy and wary.
If you like to analyze your experience, my suggestion is that your put that on hold consciously for a while. Try to find healthy ways to relax both your mind and your body. You can revisit all the thinking and analysis later when you feel more stable and it no longer feels overwhelming. In my first few months, I often found that I had the worst drinking urges when I attempted to take apart the whole universe and tried to understand everything. My own thinking tended to be a trigger. Relaxing that helped me a lot.
You have done an important step with starting the Antabuse. So enjoy the good days but try not to get now overly hooked on this feeling!
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Really, really helpful Haennie, thank you for posting that. You make such good points. I am going to try to stop thinking about this so much and just not drink. I also will be very careful to not feel "immune" to alcohol- thank you for pointing that out, that was a very poor choice or words and a very misguided way of thinking about it.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 585
Hello Mera: Great Post.
You asked "what do we think" so I will give you my two cents (probably what it's worth.) I am an over thinker too so I can relate.
First off you are in a big transition. You went from day one's and starting over (s) to a big step in Antabuse.
I say take a deep breath and sit back and take it all in. When I first started down my road to sobriety, my first thought was just to stay busy all of the time and my days were filled with "what if this?" or "what about that?" That goal is impossible (as many on SR told me it would be) because sooner or later there will be nothing to do or to worry / think about. So what then?
Outside of work, just enjoy the things you enjoy without alcohol and like I said "take it all in."
You have worked your rear end off for sobriety and the ups and downs and now you have an edge (medication) which you know you cannot drink on. Enjoy your victories and your life. Continue to look forward (in the moment) and not into yesterday or what "might" happen tomorrow because there isn't a (excuse the language) damn thing that we can do about yesterday.
I agree with marathonman, that we often times overthink things till frustration sets in and what do people like us do when that sets in? You already know, so no need to go there.
As far as the "easy way out" I would disagree. You are doing what you have to do to. Period.
I know there is nothing in my post that is some great revelation, but just relax and ENJOY your new path. Keep the focus on your life without alcohol in lieu of constantly thinking about (dedicating time) to the very thing you hate.
Just know that SR has your back Mera!
You asked "what do we think" so I will give you my two cents (probably what it's worth.) I am an over thinker too so I can relate.
First off you are in a big transition. You went from day one's and starting over (s) to a big step in Antabuse.
I say take a deep breath and sit back and take it all in. When I first started down my road to sobriety, my first thought was just to stay busy all of the time and my days were filled with "what if this?" or "what about that?" That goal is impossible (as many on SR told me it would be) because sooner or later there will be nothing to do or to worry / think about. So what then?
Outside of work, just enjoy the things you enjoy without alcohol and like I said "take it all in."
You have worked your rear end off for sobriety and the ups and downs and now you have an edge (medication) which you know you cannot drink on. Enjoy your victories and your life. Continue to look forward (in the moment) and not into yesterday or what "might" happen tomorrow because there isn't a (excuse the language) damn thing that we can do about yesterday.
I agree with marathonman, that we often times overthink things till frustration sets in and what do people like us do when that sets in? You already know, so no need to go there.
As far as the "easy way out" I would disagree. You are doing what you have to do to. Period.
I know there is nothing in my post that is some great revelation, but just relax and ENJOY your new path. Keep the focus on your life without alcohol in lieu of constantly thinking about (dedicating time) to the very thing you hate.
Just know that SR has your back Mera!
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