random thoughts
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
random thoughts
Finished IOP today, after 10 weeks. Feeling lost, angry and alone again. Really nice, caring people there. Hard to find in the real world. Holding back tears. Really scared. I know how quick that switch in my head can turn on without even thinking about it. Don't trust myself.
Thought I shouldn't go straight home due to thoughts of drinking, so went to the gym and to an AA meeting hoping to get some inspiration and maybe something to laugh at. Didn't work, felt worse, left early.
Home now, feeling really low but I figure this too shall pass.
Trying to come up with stuff for this weekend to keep me busy. No commitments so far for next week, which is a big setup for problems. If I get through next week, I should be fine.
For those that are thinking I'm feeling sorry for myself and should be grateful that I had the chance to be in such a program (IOP), where others don't (because, based on some of the comments I got on my last thread about going to a detox center) somebody out there is thinking about it; yes, I am grateful, so grateful that it hurts when it's gone.
Reason for this thread: So maybe, by posting all this stuff, I'll be able to get some sleep tonight. John
Thought I shouldn't go straight home due to thoughts of drinking, so went to the gym and to an AA meeting hoping to get some inspiration and maybe something to laugh at. Didn't work, felt worse, left early.
Home now, feeling really low but I figure this too shall pass.
Trying to come up with stuff for this weekend to keep me busy. No commitments so far for next week, which is a big setup for problems. If I get through next week, I should be fine.
For those that are thinking I'm feeling sorry for myself and should be grateful that I had the chance to be in such a program (IOP), where others don't (because, based on some of the comments I got on my last thread about going to a detox center) somebody out there is thinking about it; yes, I am grateful, so grateful that it hurts when it's gone.
Reason for this thread: So maybe, by posting all this stuff, I'll be able to get some sleep tonight. John
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
Not sure what IOP stands for, but assume it's re-hab or detox ?
Anyway, the thought of a drink and going to an AA meeting instead, you have actually accomplished something.
Sometimes it's not what we can get from an AA meeting, it's what we can give.
Simple things like getting there early and plugging in the kettle, setting up the coffee, milk etc.
Greeting a newcomer in worse condition than you are.
That's what "Turn our will...," means at it's core, our will comes from a thought and then we act upon it.
Congrats, you were more willing and thoughtful to go to an AA meeting than succumb to the thought of a drink... and then come here to share that experience. It inspires others !
Anyway, the thought of a drink and going to an AA meeting instead, you have actually accomplished something.
Sometimes it's not what we can get from an AA meeting, it's what we can give.
Simple things like getting there early and plugging in the kettle, setting up the coffee, milk etc.
Greeting a newcomer in worse condition than you are.
That's what "Turn our will...," means at it's core, our will comes from a thought and then we act upon it.
Congrats, you were more willing and thoughtful to go to an AA meeting than succumb to the thought of a drink... and then come here to share that experience. It inspires others !
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Never did IOP but finishing a course, especially if it was intensive, kinda left me a bit flat and blue too - you make a lot of connections and friendships.
I really hope you can find the kind of support you want and need John.
Have a good restful night. Take that drinking option off the table.
It's simply not viable for guys like you or me.
D
I really hope you can find the kind of support you want and need John.
Have a good restful night. Take that drinking option off the table.
It's simply not viable for guys like you or me.
D
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by 2muchpain 
Finished IOP today, after 10 weeks. Feeling lost, angry and alone again. Really nice, caring people there. Hard to find in the real world. Holding back tears. Really scared. I know how quick that switch in my head can turn on without even thinking about it. Don't trust myself.
Thought I shouldn't go straight home due to thoughts of drinking, so went to the gym and to an AA meeting hoping to get some inspiration and maybe something to laugh at. Didn't work, felt worse, left early.
Home now, feeling really low but I figure this too shall pass.
Thought I shouldn't go straight home due to thoughts of drinking, so went to the gym and to an AA meeting hoping to get some inspiration and maybe something to laugh at. Didn't work, felt worse, left early.
Home now, feeling really low but I figure this too shall pass.
I experienced this frequently in my first year of sobriety. I got sick of facing new challenges all along the way but, really, what were my options?
Another thing that won't kill you but could possibly make you stronger.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: des moines ia
Posts: 362
Originally Posted by Pete55
Not sure what IOP stands for, but assume it's re-hab or detox ?
Anyway, the thought of a drink and going to an AA meeting instead, you have actually accomplished something.
Sometimes it's not what we can get from an AA meeting, it's what we can give.
Simple things like getting there early and plugging in the kettle, setting up the coffee, milk etc.
Greeting a newcomer in worse condition than you are.
That's what "Turn our will...," means at it's core, our will comes from a thought and then we act upon it.
Congrats, you were more willing and thoughtful to go to an AA meeting than succumb to the thought of a drink... and then come here to share that experience. It inspires others !
Anyway, the thought of a drink and going to an AA meeting instead, you have actually accomplished something.
Sometimes it's not what we can get from an AA meeting, it's what we can give.
Simple things like getting there early and plugging in the kettle, setting up the coffee, milk etc.
Greeting a newcomer in worse condition than you are.
That's what "Turn our will...," means at it's core, our will comes from a thought and then we act upon it.
Congrats, you were more willing and thoughtful to go to an AA meeting than succumb to the thought of a drink... and then come here to share that experience. It inspires others !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Anna,
I never thought of it that way. Yeah, it was very intense and personal. Makes sense that there would be an emotional downturn after that. I was really surprised that I was feeling this way. Didn't expect it. Thinking of it that way makes it easier to deal with. Thanks!!!!
John
I never thought of it that way. Yeah, it was very intense and personal. Makes sense that there would be an emotional downturn after that. I was really surprised that I was feeling this way. Didn't expect it. Thinking of it that way makes it easier to deal with. Thanks!!!!
John
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
John, I remember when you started IOP! 
Glad to hear you've completed it. Well done!
I felt sad when I finished mine too, sort of a panicky feeling too on top of that. So I know where you're coming from.
Try and stay connected with some of those people you met in IOP if you can. Did you get any phone numbers? I ended up calling four of the people I met there and chatted with them on the phone a few times. It helped early on.
Reading books on relapse prevention helped me lots too. I have a few to recommend if you're interested. It helped just to know what signs to watch for in case you start having PAWS or any sort of spiraling out of control feelings and thoughts.
Are you reading any of the daily meditation books yet? Those keep me grounded.
SR does too!
Glad to hear you've completed it. Well done! I felt sad when I finished mine too, sort of a panicky feeling too on top of that. So I know where you're coming from.
Try and stay connected with some of those people you met in IOP if you can. Did you get any phone numbers? I ended up calling four of the people I met there and chatted with them on the phone a few times. It helped early on.
Reading books on relapse prevention helped me lots too. I have a few to recommend if you're interested. It helped just to know what signs to watch for in case you start having PAWS or any sort of spiraling out of control feelings and thoughts.
Are you reading any of the daily meditation books yet? Those keep me grounded.
SR does too!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
SoberJennie
Yeah, the word "panicky" fits well!!! I did keep in touch with a few that left earlier through texting, and I traded number with someone yesterday. I do have a book on daily meditations somewhere. I'll look for it. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. IOP also helped me to get out of my apartment and not be so isolated, like going to movies, a ballgame and actually learned how to kayak. Will probably catch a movie tomorrow since there's not much else going on, then there's a speaker meeting I've been going to on Saturday evening to finish off the day.
Feeling better this morning. I'll be fine.
Have a great day!! John
Yeah, the word "panicky" fits well!!! I did keep in touch with a few that left earlier through texting, and I traded number with someone yesterday. I do have a book on daily meditations somewhere. I'll look for it. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. IOP also helped me to get out of my apartment and not be so isolated, like going to movies, a ballgame and actually learned how to kayak. Will probably catch a movie tomorrow since there's not much else going on, then there's a speaker meeting I've been going to on Saturday evening to finish off the day.
Feeling better this morning. I'll be fine.
Have a great day!! John
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Buy the book Alcoholics Anonymous.
It's not the only book on sobriety but it is the original (so far as I know)
Helping me a lot.
It's quite incredible to me that they wrote a book in which I can identify my thoughts and actions, 80 odd years ago.
It's not the only book on sobriety but it is the original (so far as I know)
Helping me a lot.
It's quite incredible to me that they wrote a book in which I can identify my thoughts and actions, 80 odd years ago.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
I'm really glad you're feeling better today. It's totally normal to feel a loss when you finish something like IOP. You went to a meeting instead of drinking! That is huge. You will get back on your feet and adjust. In early sobriety there were times I crawled into bed at 7:00 pm just because I had to. I've found that calming teas like chamomile and sleepytime help me a lot when I drink them at night.
Hang in there, and congrats on finishing your program!
Hang in there, and congrats on finishing your program!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 643
Hey John, so glad I logged on and saw your post. I so admire you for how far you have come. You really are an inspiration and I know you can get past this period of apprehension. You have a lot to offer. Write me to let me know how u r doing. S
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
Reason for this thread: So maybe, by posting all this stuff, I'll be able to get some sleep tonight. John
Bob
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