bluehour

I believe in being honest about this everywhere but at work.
Work is different.
You have an established drinking relationship with him. He will obviously take note of the change if you simply say youre not drinking. That might make him really uneasy around you.
He's not a close friend, he's a boss. Tell him what will make both of you comfortable. I like pakman's liver numbers idea, makes you look kinda tough and proactive at the same time.

Mrrryah1

Exactly BlueHour!!!

But my "medication doesn't allow drinking" also works - because it's actually true. I'm sure I will be on these Anti-D Anti-A meds for at least a year or two, he can't "argue it" or peer pressure me to drink while on medication (I'm sure he wouldn't).

I want to keep a comfortable, professional relationship with him. Unfortunately this relationship has already been based largely around drinking - but it's not a personal relationship, he's my boss. I think me telling him, while yes, it would be uncomfortable for me, would also be largely uncomfortable for him and our future dealings with one another.

He already knows I "love to drink" so making an excuse like "I'm on a diet" or something like that would probably lead to some peer pressure from him - it wouldn't be a solid enough excuse.

Thanks all for the feedback and glad I had SR to help me through that near miss!!

heartcore

Another sushi fan here...

I agree with the above. We're all improvising, attempting creative ways to redefine ourselves. We can't use the same explanation for all the folks in our lives, because we fill different roles in different situations, so we're experimenting.

I have told very few people that I'm not drinking because of alcoholism. While for many in recovery, their alcoholism and turmoil were very visible while they were drinking, that was not the case for me. Conscious of maintaining career and reputation, I had a public side that drank normally and a private life that involved secretive drinking - mostly always at night, in my own home, etc. For me to identify as a recovering alcoholic, I would have to publicly identify as an alcoholic, and I'm not willing to do that.

Now, I could be incorrect in my assumptions of how work people would perceive that information, but I'm pretty sure I'm not. Overall (at least in my world), alcoholism is associated with poor work ethics and the potential to be dishonest (embezzle, lie about hours, etc.). I am an honorable and trustworthy worker, but wouldn't want to take on all that scrutiny.

I love the "my liver numbers were high, so I've stopped drinking..." one. It shows that when faced with a reality/problem, I take action. That is what I want my employer to think of me. There would be no argument, because any more-than-moderate drinker who is getting older has that fear (liver damage).

I also like the "I stopped for the antibiotics, but - to tell you the truth - I feel so much more healthy and productive, that I'm going to stick with it." It's a good way to take the antibiotics line long-term, but I suspect that other drinkers would still try to offer/seduce, because it feels really optional.

I recognize that it would feel freeing to just "be all me" and come out as an alcoholic across my life environments, but at the same time, I have many aspects of my identity and I don't really want that one to be the "go to" first-on-the-list that people think about. Even if I leave this job, a reputation as an alcoholic will follow me across this very sparsely populated state. It would cause people to think twice before hiring me for responsible positions, fearful that I could relapse. Maybe if I lived in a large community, I would be more willing to take that risk.

I speak all this because I think it is important that we accept the inner conflict about this and not feel embarrassed that it is awkward. We'll make lots of mistakes as we navigate professionally and socially within our new reality.

Back in the day, when I was a homeless addict girl, dragging myself off the streets through the support of treatment and NA, I told everyone who would listen that I was in recovery. I had nothing to lost. I was radiant with pride. I could only go up.

Now, I've spent decades building a professional reputation, and I have a lot to lose. That is real. I'm not ready to lose it. I spend a fair amount of thought energy on how to most be myself publically inside not telling the whole truth about my personal life/choices.

Lola23

I totally feel you on this one...I'm struggling with the exact same thing. My co-workers know me as someone who loves to drink and it's been awkward coming up with excuses on all kinds of different occasions why I'm not drinking.
I think you handled the lunch really well...good for you!!

I know everyone says that honesty is the best policy but I kindly beg to differ when it's a work relationship. In my opinion, telling a boss you are an alcoholic just sets you up for so much potentially damaging situations. I would be afraid that it could be used later against me...for example, say I call in sick with the flu...he's going to think I'm hungover and can't come in. Or if I mention meeting friends out after work to someone else in the office and he overhears it...will he think I fell off? I dunno...I just don't think it's a good idea. Then again, just my opinion of course

Altoids

I agree with many others on this thread. . . work is not the place to announce being alcoholic. It can backfire BIG time on you. I know this from personal experience.

BTW - I think you handled it really well and congrats on 30 days.