Take him
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Magnolia NJ
Posts: 1
Take him
This is all new to me. My husband is a Vietnam veteran who began using Pot in the service and has never stopped. I knew that when we married 33 years ago. He comes from a family with an alcoholic father and submissive mother. He has always dabled with drugs but he did it decretely. But our worse problems began 6 years ago when he had his 3rd back surgery and he was put on heavy doses of narcotics.
I love this man. But, I love the man I married. I don't love the Oxy addict. Our family has made every effort to get him help. They have attended family meetings. They have supported their father thru an overdose, a heart attack, and in=patient rehab. I took two weeks off of work to sit by his bedside in ICU while he was in 4 point restraints. But he doesn't remember any of it.
I provide the only income for the house. I have reached a point in my career where I have reached a pinnacle. I want to stay there. I don't have many years left in a field filled with young people and increasing more men. The stress at work is enough. My sons don't want me to give up on my husband but I don't know that it is worth the effort.
I feel like drugs have always been the other woman in our relationship and I am at the point I just want to say "take him".
I love this man. But, I love the man I married. I don't love the Oxy addict. Our family has made every effort to get him help. They have attended family meetings. They have supported their father thru an overdose, a heart attack, and in=patient rehab. I took two weeks off of work to sit by his bedside in ICU while he was in 4 point restraints. But he doesn't remember any of it.
I provide the only income for the house. I have reached a point in my career where I have reached a pinnacle. I want to stay there. I don't have many years left in a field filled with young people and increasing more men. The stress at work is enough. My sons don't want me to give up on my husband but I don't know that it is worth the effort.
I feel like drugs have always been the other woman in our relationship and I am at the point I just want to say "take him".
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Welcome to SoberRecovery Bonnie.
Please come and join us in the Family and Friends Forums.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...splay.php?f=23
Thanks for sharing your story so far.
A crossroads doesn't have to be a painful life experience.
Glad you're here.
Please come and join us in the Family and Friends Forums.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...splay.php?f=23
Thanks for sharing your story so far.
A crossroads doesn't have to be a painful life experience.
Glad you're here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
I feel like drugs have always been the other woman in our relationship and I am at the point I just want to say "take him".
It's understandable that your ready to throw in the towel..
I'm wondering if your familiar with Nar-anon at all? There is a section on this board...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...splay.php?f=23
No one can tell us when it's time to quit... and the guilt around leaving can be paralyzing... but in the meantime.. letting go of the things you have no control over will give you some relief...
It's a terrible place to be... and I ask the ALL to give you clarity around your situation and courage to do what's right for YOU.
Gold Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
((((((((Welcome))))))))))! I can hear your pain! I too struggle with putting up with my husband's drinking and do I really want to stick by him. He has not gone through what your husband has gone through, but I do know about progression. Right now I'm not his baby sitter and I fine ourside interest and hope and support here on the SR forum. I don't talk much about it because I'v learned to turn it over (or ignor it)LOL! Keep coming back and hope too your learn how to laugh along with cry when our SO are hurting themselves.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: the capital area
Posts: 8
Hi, Bonnie
He's a sick person, in all the physical sense. Try to remember that, even though it could have been preventable to a point. Most important, take breaks for yourself when you can, and don't lose youself to despair and hopelesness. You need as much help and support as he does, and you seem to know where to find it. I hope he knows how fortunate he is to have you and his kids by his side, while so many are alone in their battle. Nothing lasts forever, good or bad, so please hang in there with hope. You'll be in our prayers.
He's a sick person, in all the physical sense. Try to remember that, even though it could have been preventable to a point. Most important, take breaks for yourself when you can, and don't lose youself to despair and hopelesness. You need as much help and support as he does, and you seem to know where to find it. I hope he knows how fortunate he is to have you and his kids by his side, while so many are alone in their battle. Nothing lasts forever, good or bad, so please hang in there with hope. You'll be in our prayers.
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