HeartsAfire

My pink cloud is dissipating. I've read a lot of ya'lls experience with this, but I've never made it far enough in sobriety to have it be my reality. I'm 36 days in and I'm so exhausted and pissy. Who knew being present could be so taxing? And frustrating. And monotonous. I feel like a gerbil on a wheel.

I know a lot of it is the fact that I haven't had myself at the top of the list much this week. Hubby is on tour, I'm trying to set some healthy, much-needed boundaries with my mom (my parenting back-up when hubby is gone) so it's just been me and the kiddos. And ALL of their activities. I never knew just how many of my parenting responsibilities I've shifted on to others over the years because of my drinking. That has been a pretty big realization this week.

On top of that work has been stressful with a toxic co-worker so I've been feeling all of those feelings too.

And I miss my husband terribly. The good news is the tour rolls thru here the week after next and he'll be home for a bit beginning in Oct.

Now it's the weekend and I'm all by myself since the kids are with their father. I decided instead of muddling around in this haze of gray that I will pamper myself instead. I've planned out several meals (trying out some new recipes) and stocked up on different flavors of my new favorite sparkling water. I'm going to schedule a pedicure, I bought new jammies & candles and my Netflix cue is ready to go. It should be nice weather-wise so I may even get out for some walks as well.

I'm staying vigilant because I have a feeling if I let my guard down in this kind of mood that my av will use it to her advantage and try to tempt me. I have absolutely no desire to drink but I don't take that feeling lightly. Sometimes I even wonder if that feeling is a trick my av plays on me - trying to use my confidence against me. I'm trying not to leave anything to chance.

Any other suggestions for riding this gray cloud out? Or is this it? Maybe the cloud isn't really gray but just the normal color of the world? Thoughts?

Soberwolf

Hearts a fire what happens after a cloudy rainstorm ? lots of sunshine its balance

i think your doing super amazing you have touched my heart with earlier posts your giving ppl great advice esp your son on the sports team !

i think you should focus on what is making you happy all these sober things in the last 36 days have been amazing/worth it

your going to have bad days i know i do but i wont drink it will only make things worse

and take away our small miracles

hang in there the clouds will pass and youl be in sunshine soon enough

3arai

I don't have kids...
So take with salt...
But..
If you could shift some parenting responsibilities off to other people before, because of drinking, do you think you could do it now, just because? Why not? Think of it as preventative. Just for a few days. Or a week.

silentrun

There will be more pink clouds and more let downs when they pass. I was deathly afraid of alone time when I first quit because I was an at home nobody knows kind of drinker. You might sail through it. It sounds like you have some good things planned. It wouldn't hurt though to build in some kind of accountability. That will help silence the AV.

Anna

I often think I was lucky because I didn't have the pink cloud experience. For me, it was more of a slow but gradual 'feeling better'.

It sounds like you're doing lots of good things to help yourself get through this.

Dee74

My experience was like Annas - a slow but discernible improvement.

I have up and down days still - and it's important to remember others do too, alcoholics or not... but I always know now that better days are ahead

D