Jupiters

yah - it was more a rhetorical question ...wandering thought.
I do know WHY some people do that, and they need to do some work on themselves as well then.

or as the OP said - walk away. Sucks, but it's the cold, hard reality.

flossyfressia

My partner often offers me a "shandy" if he's having a lager. He buys bottles of wine too. I've told him I'm not drinking and that I have a problem but he is the same as your gf-be just says I ought to cut down.

I just leave him to it tbh! He'll get the message eventually like last time-he stopped offering after a while then and I relapsed when he wasn't there.

Do try talking to her though-it's obviously making things more difficult for you and that's very unfair.

Good luck xx

ghostdad

Death is just not worth it. You want to hear something really strange? My wife is a Nurse at a rehab clinic and she doesn't get what I am going through. I guess you have to really be there (addicted) to understand. She's never been addicted to anything either. She was always my designated driver when we went out and went to parties. She doesn't want me to drink again but she looks at me like ,really, your experiencing cravings? I think she thinks I am stronger than I give myself credit for and can just stop without any after effects.

I often think about that too - was she in love with the drunk husband? I know I was pretty funny and entertaining in the beginning but towards the end, before I quit, I was a terrible husband. Right now I am struggling to find out who the real me is because I spent most of my life drunk.

bunnezjp

Hi Thomas,

My last relationship started and ended with drunk-me. A year after the break-up and now 4 months Sober, I've realized that my ex wouldn't know Sober-me now, and same back at him. I guess where I'm going with this is that you know you, and you sound like you know what you want. Maybe your gf will experience that moment of clarity that we've all had...that this you is a catch who deserves her support, love and respect. I hope it works out for you both

Bunnez

Dee74

Change is scary sometimes - I think it must be even scarier when the change is being driven by your partner, and not you.

I'm not saying she's right, or you're not, or vice versa - but I'd give things a little time.

I was happier healthier and a way better partner sober - it's hard to think someone ehgo loves you won't respond positively to that once they get over the apprehension

D

Soberwolf

ive know my gf since i was 14 went out broke up as you do got back with her when i was 18 and we have 14 years together ive known her over half my life

one thing is at my worst my gf moved out and was praying in churches for me

my gf refuses to drink at all now for what it done to me and thats not me if you ask her youl get trouble lol

she is the most amazing understanding person in all of this if i did get sober for anything it was for her really i couldnt believe i was loosing her like really loosing her i am sober for me constantly now its all for me lol

it started hitting home

if said gf/bf cant understand and says things like cut fown a bit please by all means take said bf/gf to an AA mtn im pretty sure that will clear up the whole cutting down a bit questions

explain and explain again then explain and explain again

good luck

EndGameNYC

I've learned that when one person in a relationship is going through changes (and in this case, the changes are potentially dramatic), it's often taken as a threat to his or her partner. Going back to school, beginning a new and prestigious and/or high-paying job, making new friends, taking up new interests that don't include one's partner, going to therapy...even going to AA meetings.

All these things and much more, no matter how much they may help someone's partner to improve him- or her- self, take time and attention away from us, and we generally don't like that, in varying degrees. We see this all the time in the extreme with control freaks and abusers who restrict the movements and interpersonal contacts of their partners. ("Why do you need to have friends when you have me?")

It's all on a continuum; some people are very laid back, even indifferent, in this regard, while there are those who become infuriated when their partner is having an innocent chat on the phone with a friend. And a whole bunch of us are somewhere between one extreme and another. Of course, one's relative maturity and emotional stability are significant influences in this dynamic.

mudfall

The vast majority of people feel cognitive dissonance during change, especially when the status quo is questioned and challenged.

My advice would be to be yourself and choose what you feel to be right. Express how you feel and do not compromise your core values for anyone or anything.

Take care

MythOfSisyphus

My brother is just like your GF. He can't understand why I can't "just have a few" like he does. They can't understand, their brains are wired differently than ours. All you can do is be firm and stick to your guns until she comes around.

Notmyrealname

If you share a space with someone else who drinks, you're probably going to see some booze around the house. That's the cards you are dealt, friend, you just have to make the best of the situation.

It is weird, though. People who don't have "drinking problems" per se can be nevertheless very attached to alcohol and the idea of drinking. My ex girlfriend always wanted me to drink less, and less often, but would not consider the idea of me quitting drinking because she enjoyed drinking with me.

Also, maybe me quitting altogether would have made me an alcoholic", which I think she perceived would be a lowering of my status. Their partner's social status is a significant factor of concern for a lot of women (in contrast to men, whose mating choices are driven more by physical attractiveness).

(Disclaimer - The generalizations above are supported by numerous studies, but they are generalizations, which by their nature do not obviously cover the attitudes of every man and women on Earth.)

My quitting drinking was definitely the last nail in the coffin lid on our relationship -- once that decision was finalized, she never spoke to me again -- and I guess that could have been a coincidence, but I suspect not.