Raider

So here we are, less than a week away from moving the four animals and the husband into a tiny cabin, praying the behemoth house in Utah sells quickly. We have someone moving into the Utah house to take care of it, and show it if necessary. So that's a huge blessing. Ive been cleaning like a crazy person, I have lists of lists of crap to do. We paid 37000.00 to a handyman that did about as substandard work as I have ever seen. Now the realtor will pay to have all the repairs, re-repaired. The rug cleaner man was in the laundry room the other day, using the sink to make his solution. I decide I'll do a load of laundry while he does that. I open the front loader, and out comes 10 gallons of water. Hahahaha. All the sudden we were standing in an inch of water...

I cleaned underneath the kitchen sink. Yesterday I pull a cleaner out, and there is some kind of waxey crap all over the bottom of everything....the super sized Dawn I bought from Costco springs a leak under the sink, covering the bottom of everything in a thick blue soapy wax.....what the hell.....


Then the kicker, about a week ago, I say I can't take it, I'll drink. So I did. What a crap thing to do. I was mean to my husband, I woke up feeling terrible and had a full day of work in front of me. I powered thru it. Sweated like a pig the next night. And vowed I absolutely cannot have a drink. I have too much to do, I don't like the feeling, it doesn't work for me. That was about 5 days ago. My husband is still drinking and recently it has just pissed me off. It has never bothered me before. I doesn't **** me off because I want one, because I don't. It pisses me off because he won't shut the f$&k up when he is drinking. Like can't you have a drink quietly!!! Venting so I don't fold up into the fetal position and ball for the next week........

trachemys

s'ok, raider

Soberwolf

Don't beat yourself up raider its happened now

All the best in moving forward

Anna

Raider, I hope you get to the point where you can decide that drinking is no longer an option, ever.

Have you asked your husband to drink elsewhere in the house or could you possibly move to another room?

I hope the move goes well.

PurpleKnight

Hang in there Pam!!

Raider

I did beat myself up over the drink, but now that some time has passed, I see a lesson I don't think I have had before. The day after was absolute hell. It's not FUN. It is boring and stupid. It doesn't make me feel good, and having to get through the next day full of errands, about broke me. I wanted to just sleep until all the drink was through my body, but that wasn't an option. Actually it was an option, but I felt my punishment should be to complete all the tasks I had planned with the pounding headache and shakes. So I did.

As far as husband, he doesn't drink around me a lot Anna. He goes to the porch but when he comes in......ack!! I'm trying to chill and he just keeps flapping the pie hole !!!!

lunar

on-the-wagon.jpg

Aellyce

Pam, I don't think it's punishment that you need, but some consistent method, program, probably a bunch of tools that could engage you on a daily basis. Something that would make significant differences in your life and help you focus enough on recovery. I hope this move will go through relatively fast, I could not have imagined doing something like that during my first few sober months...

Like Anna, I also hope you will decide to do something about the drinking... you clearly have some desire as you keep coming back here.
All the best

Dee74

Some really good advice here Pam. I hope the move goes smoothly too

D

Altoids

Oh my, Raider. Sounds like a lot to deal with. Hope the rest goes smoothly.

As for hubby "flapping his pie hole" ~ got nothing for you. My hubby is one of those really quiet people.

Marcher13

Pam remember it's a house and it's things you are moving. If something doesn't get moved or if something on a list is not done so be it. I am a list maker and a perfectionist so I know how hard it is to let go of the feeling that you have to do everything, but you can let go of that.

The one thing that matters here is your sobriety and health. Put you first, not the things and I promise you it will work out.

happyandfree

Yeah, put your sobriety first raider...you will have the move behind you soon.

Tetra

I was thinking about you lately Raider and I hope you are doing okay.

Don't get disheartened. I had 8 months of sobriety and then I had a two day relapse back in July. Now I am coming up to two months.

Keep moving forward and good luck with the move

Nuudawn

^^^^ this. Pam, sobriety although wonderful is oh so many ways..is hard as hell. Not so long ago you decided to back away from SR..in a STRESSFUL time like moving..which I believe is the only tool you're working is it not?

Sobriety is hard...please stop forgetting that.

Marcher13

Hi Pam, you'll be waking up soon to Monday I imagine, make it a good day for you today. You first ok, house and things second.

So, what's for breakfast?

Bethany57

Hang in there. Moving is so stressful! We had to move a year ago from a larger to much smaller house...so much stuff had to go...it was so stressful. Just keep busy and keep your mind focused.

Altoids

How are you doing today, Raider? Be sure to come here to tell us what is happening. Rant, vent, cheer, laugh, cry with us, please. We may not be able to help you pack boxes or clean, but we can be your sounding board and your cheering section.

Raider

Thank you. Yes Monday, means more cleaning. Tuesday someone comes to clean windows. Wed I have an app at 200pm. Need to pack what I'm bringing. Thursday carpet cleaning. Friday man comes to take pics so everything must be clean and moved off the counters. Sat we leave. I cannot wait to leave. At least the cabin is so tiny, cleaning is a 15 minute job.

I backed away from SR because of time. I just don't have as much until this is finished. Yes, this is my only support. I don't feel like drinks, I feel like pulling the covers over my head.

I am split between this beautiful house here and moving. I go back and forth. It's exhausting. I'm trying to go with the flow now, because the wheel is turning with or without me this week. I cannot be hungover. Tried it, did it, was miserable for it, not even considering the fact, I pushed through it and did what I had to do. This is hard enough, emotional enough, liquor just isn't going to work. In fact, it hasn't worked for a long time, has it?

Raider

I'm so emotional, I can't figure this out. It's not like I'm getting a divorce, it's a flipping house for crying out loud.

hopeful4

Hang in there! Moving is horrible, and it seems like that is always the time that things happen to test a person. I would want to pull the covers over my head too!

Just take it a step at a time and try not to get overwhelmed. And put some ducktape over that husband's mouth...ha ha...JK! (Even though I saw some the other day with cute kitties on it, there is a thought)!

You can do this. I know you can! Keep us updated!

XXX