2 months - I'm BACK!
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
2 months - I'm BACK!
On June 26, I came here devastated and a shadow of my former self. I am here now, two months later, undoubtedly imperfect, but brilliantly ME again!
I have to say it hasn't been all that hard. Years and years of misery, attempts at moderation, constant guilt and shame and hiding were hard. Staying sober isn't. Two months into recovery, I still find myself elated about it. My world has changed and opened up again. I'm BAAAACK!
I experienced many firsts over these two months without turning to drink - first wonderfully sober vacation, grooming my children for the first day of school, alcohol-filled celebrations, horrendous mood swings, fights with husband, important meetings, health scare, heartache, stressful dealings with family. My personal little victories. Nobody can ever take that away from me.
As a mother, I had a lot of guilt about how my driniking was affecting my children. I am so relieved I don't have to worry about that anymore! Whatever happens now, at least that factor is removed and I won't allow it to screw up my life again.
So many new discoveries... I can't even begin to name them all, but almost every day has something. The gifts of sobriety like time, self-respect, freedom, and the excitement of rediscovering ME again. That ME one is pretty important. It has been lost before. I will never forget how it felt - being drowned, deep in muck, dead to the world that continued to move somewhere far above, but you're so indifferent to it the only thing you crave is to pass out again. That's where I came from and where I never want to be. Ever. Again.
Every day, I'm grateful for being back. That said, not one of those days passed by without alcohol being present in my thoughts one way or another. I am so much stronger for being able to recognize AV for what it is now. Regardless how well things go, it still pops up here and there in most ridiculous forms.
Two months ago, when I found this site, I felt such relief. I wish this kind of relief upon everybody suffering now and looking for a way to turn your life around. For years, the only option I was aware of was AA and it just didn't appeal to me in the least (not knocking it, just personal aversion to the group meeting format). Finding this site has changed my life. Seeing all you wonderful interesting people, reading your stories, finding my answers. Thank you! Thank you for being here when I was descending into the abyss. And thank you for being here in the future whenever I may need your help or support.
I have to say it hasn't been all that hard. Years and years of misery, attempts at moderation, constant guilt and shame and hiding were hard. Staying sober isn't. Two months into recovery, I still find myself elated about it. My world has changed and opened up again. I'm BAAAACK!
I experienced many firsts over these two months without turning to drink - first wonderfully sober vacation, grooming my children for the first day of school, alcohol-filled celebrations, horrendous mood swings, fights with husband, important meetings, health scare, heartache, stressful dealings with family. My personal little victories. Nobody can ever take that away from me.
As a mother, I had a lot of guilt about how my driniking was affecting my children. I am so relieved I don't have to worry about that anymore! Whatever happens now, at least that factor is removed and I won't allow it to screw up my life again.
So many new discoveries... I can't even begin to name them all, but almost every day has something. The gifts of sobriety like time, self-respect, freedom, and the excitement of rediscovering ME again. That ME one is pretty important. It has been lost before. I will never forget how it felt - being drowned, deep in muck, dead to the world that continued to move somewhere far above, but you're so indifferent to it the only thing you crave is to pass out again. That's where I came from and where I never want to be. Ever. Again.
Every day, I'm grateful for being back. That said, not one of those days passed by without alcohol being present in my thoughts one way or another. I am so much stronger for being able to recognize AV for what it is now. Regardless how well things go, it still pops up here and there in most ridiculous forms.
Two months ago, when I found this site, I felt such relief. I wish this kind of relief upon everybody suffering now and looking for a way to turn your life around. For years, the only option I was aware of was AA and it just didn't appeal to me in the least (not knocking it, just personal aversion to the group meeting format). Finding this site has changed my life. Seeing all you wonderful interesting people, reading your stories, finding my answers. Thank you! Thank you for being here when I was descending into the abyss. And thank you for being here in the future whenever I may need your help or support.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Great stuff. May the bountiful fruits of sobriety continue to spring forth- they have for me
the thinking about alcohol really eases off over time. I found the elation did as well, I cried with thankfulness when I "made" six months, getting to 12 was like I had climbed everest- Now I have to work to maintain balance and perspective as I "forget" how bad it was- coming to SR often is good for keeping me grounded
the thinking about alcohol really eases off over time. I found the elation did as well, I cried with thankfulness when I "made" six months, getting to 12 was like I had climbed everest- Now I have to work to maintain balance and perspective as I "forget" how bad it was- coming to SR often is good for keeping me grounded
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Originally Posted by forabetterlife 
Thank you for this post this morning. I'm at the point where my AV is strong and telling me all this work and struggle isn't worth it. You just reminded me how much it is worth it. Congratulations, great job 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Originally Posted by instant
Great stuff. May the bountiful fruits of sobriety continue to spring forth- they have for me
the thinking about alcohol really eases off over time. I found the elation did as well, I cried with thankfulness when I "made" six months, getting to 12 was like I had climbed everest- Now I have to work to maintain balance and perspective as I "forget" how bad it was- coming to SR often is good for keeping me grounded
the thinking about alcohol really eases off over time. I found the elation did as well, I cried with thankfulness when I "made" six months, getting to 12 was like I had climbed everest- Now I have to work to maintain balance and perspective as I "forget" how bad it was- coming to SR often is good for keeping me grounded
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