soberindenver85

Hi, I'm Sean and I live with my girlfriend her in Denver. We're both alcoholics and have been working on staying clean and maintaining a sober life, to varying degrees of success. It all started last year when we met in all places a detox facility. We had both been arrested for alcohol related offenses that night and spent the entire night talking, getting to know each other and keeping company for one another. She gave me her number and a hug and said I should call her sometime. Well I did and one thing led to another and we've been together for over a year. During this time period sobriety was never 100 percent maintained but we went through periods of many months without a drink. The problem is everytime one of us becomes comfortable with the situation ( settling into a new place) getting new jobs, etc one person goes on a binge and sets the other off. Recently she has messed up her probation, got arrested for domestic violence and got a DUI and accident under my insurance. Things just keep getting worse, I've been putting off classes and am finally taking them seriously and signing up. Last night I spent the entire night withdrawing and woke up about 50 times shaking and puking after a birthday bender. I woke up with scratches all over my face and know I'm going to get **** at work for showing up looking like that. I really love her and I would be devastated to see her walk, I'm no beacon of perfection, but considering I'm basically making most of the money and its my place I am min esscense enabling her behavior. She's not from Colorado and has no family out here, also she would need to stay here with all of her legal stuff going on. Again, I hope we can stay together but she needs to realize how her actions are also affecting my life. We are both 30.

Hobbers

Meeting in detox huh? That didn't seem like the ultimate recipe for disaster to you? I am not trying to be cruel here, but...

It sounds like a very unhealthy (toxic) relationship that is going to lead NEITHER of you down any sort of positive path.

trachemys

You're enabling each other. You need to quit completely and get serious reinforcement, or separate.

Soberpotamus

Welcome to SR!

Sounds like a toxic relationship, especially with the alcohol thrown into the mix. It does seem that you are enabling her, and perhaps she is enabling you as well.

Maybe took a good hard look at what's going on and make some hard decisions about your immediate future. Good luck.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Sean!!

Your Sobriety needs to be your own, not dependant on anyone else's, this relationship doesn't seem like it is helping matters as it seems like your Sobriety is dependant on her Sobriety, which is just unworkable!!

It might be time to focus on yourselves outside of the relationship and deal with the issue of alcohol once and for all!!

ScottFromWI

Welcome SoberinDenver. I'd agree with the others here, it sounds like you may need to step away from the relationship and work on getting sober yourself. As an alcholic yourself, you know that there is nothing you can do to force or make her get sober, she has to do it for herself. There is definitely some enabling going on between both of you, and it either needs to be fully laid out on the table and openly discussed. Separating is a distinct possibility, as much as you may not like it.