pakman

Tomorrow will mark day 5. It will also be a first time I know there will be temptation. Every Friday afternoon from spring to fall, I've been playing golf with two other guys for last 3 years. I consider them friends but, don't really know them outside of golf. At any rate, we always drink when we golf. Usually about 3 or 4 beers each. Often, I had been showing up already drunk on 1/2 pint of vodka, but they don't know that. They don't know that I'm an alcoholic.

I'm sure they will bring beer and offer me some as usual. The routine has been. One guy brings a six pack, I buy a round at the turn. The other guy buys a round from a cart girl in the back nine if there is one. It's always been that way.

What do I do? What do I say? I've been thinking about some options.

1. Lie and say, I went to the doctors and my liver numbers were not good. I need to take a break from alcohol.

2. Lie and say, my stomach don't feel so good today. I'll pass.

3. Tell them, I've decided to quit drinking.

4. Tell them the truth, I'm an alcoholic and I've decided to quit drinking.

What do you guys, think? #1 was what came to my mind first.

pakman

Lola23

Hi Pakman92,

Full disclosure, I'm new to this! But just upon reading, I say go with #1? I know honesty is the best policy, but do you want to go into a long discussion/story just yet?

The only reason I say that is that similar to you, I have friends that are "normal" drinkers...they have a little more every now and then, but within limits. And yes, I've done the same as you...show up to a drinking event already 1 bottle in...so I can sip 2-4 drinks like everyone else and look normal. And so when I did the "I think I've been drinking too much, I want to cut back" I was usually met with "Nooo...you don't drink too much! You only had a few." And the only way to convince them would be tell them I've had 2 bottles alone every night and have vomited on myself on the way to work before...which was too embarrassing to want to talk about. So it was just easier to say I don't feel like a drink right then for whatever reason and not get into more detail.

Anyways, sorry for the long response. Good luck, tell us how it goes!

GotGrace

Hey pakman! Congratulations on your decision to stop drinking. It can be difficult at times, especially in the early weeks, but it is always worth it!

As for what to say, any of your above ideas are fine. It's up to you and how comfortable you feel. Or you could just say, "No thanks." They might press, though, and so that's when you need a stronger response.

I am a firm believer in the "whatever it takes" method of getting through these situations. Protecting your sobriety is your #1 priority, right? So have a waterproof (beer proof?) plan. I like the "I'm on antibiotics and can't drink" excuse because no one would pressure you after that. And bring a six pack of your favorite non-alcoholic drink of choice and you can offer it to your friends. They might surprise you.

Good luck and have fun! I'll bet this will be one of your better rounds!

opalblue

Hi Pakman

I would say 1 or 2. They would be less inclined to pressure you if its health related. I remember telling my drinking buddies that I was giving up and they would give me hell for it. Less drama to say the first two

Anna

Don't lie. Lying for me was part of the alcoholism problem.

You don't owe an explanation as to why you're not drinking. A simple 'No, thanks' should be enough.

ultradad

I wouldn't lie at all! If you lie this week then what about next week and the week after...eventually you'll have to come clean and they'll not trust you cause you've lied to them the whole time. Acceptance of this disease is hard for us and others, but the more open you are the more I've noticed people are willing to try and understand, plus it adds an element of accountability. One thing to consider is they will more than likely STILL be drinking so honestly, I'd make new golfing arrangements.

You can probably find people in recovery at AA meetings who would love to go golfing.

Ultramarathoner

A course of antibiotics is typically three weeks (sometimes more). On week four tell your friends you've felt a lot better over the last couple of weeks- you don't know if its b/c of cutting out drinking, eating heathier, etc.- but you're going to keep things status quo for now.

I am on antibiotics and will end up being on them for almost seven weeks. I've already hinted to my co-workers and friends that the meds make me unable to drink- but this has actually been to my advantage, and may end up being a permanent change, because of how much better I'm feeling.

You are essentially saying, "I had no idea how much better I'd feel being alcohol free- so I'm going to keep it up". Those who encourage you to drink are ultmately forced to argue the fact that you should want to feel worse.

pakman

I think I'm going to comprise and do 1+3.

My liver numbers came back very bad (lie, since i don't know, but probably true), so I've decided to quit drinking (true and I don't have to revisit this with them)

wrt to finding new golfing buddies, I'm hesitant. They are good guys. I know they won't push me once I tell them I quit drinking.

Granted these are not my best friends or anything, but, I just can't get my head around ending relationships because someone is a non alcoholic drinker.

Soberwolf

If you can genuinely trust them with it at the beginning maybe tell your closest friend ? I would just say I'm not drinking today fellas and you better watch out I'm going to win today lol

You don't have to open up to anyone u don't feel comfortable with but I was thinking no.3 and if they press just say u saw something on the news ?

tomsteve

I was also thinkin sumthin like," not feelin like drinkin today."
if they ask why, its can be a s simple as,"i don't want to."

but please have an escape route. nothing wrong with walkin out of a round of golf if the craving comes.

Croissant

I don't think you have to disclose anything. In the beginning, I simply used to say, no, I'm giving it a miss for a while, it's been making me sick. Truth.

Now I just say, I stopped for a while and felt heaps better so I can't be bothered any more. Or;

I stopped enjoying it and feel much better when I don't drink.

All the truth.

PurpleKnight

5 Days is very early to be putting yourself in a situation where pressure to drink is going to be present, there's no shame in giving things a miss if it's going to be too much!!

As you won't be drinking everytime you play golf from now on there needs to be more than, "not drinking today", 1 and 3 is probably a the best combination to get that across!!

If they are friends, then they should stand by your decision for the sake of your health!!

NorMar

No doubt, the single toughest thing I faced in dealing with stopping drinking was friends that still drank. Here are my thoughts on the subject, some based on personal experience.

#1. Saying you have liver issues will work, of course. But you are faced with telling that same story week after week. Even if you don't know them outside of golf, they will want to know if it is a serious issue, treatment you may be taking etc. Also, be sure you know what good/bad numbers are. They may have concerns about the same thing, and want to know specifics. I personally wouldn't want to deal with all that.

#2 Saying you feel bad will work for tomorrow, but there's next Friday, and so on.

#3. Saying you just decided to quit will work, and is the truth. But be prepared to answer why. You will be asked, just the nature of people.

#4. I never said that, always felt it would make people treat me different. I didn't want that. I just wanted them to know I was a person who wanted to stop drinking.

What might work for you (I did this) is to say you really tied one on, and still have a hangover, don't want to look at the stuff today. Then build on that. Next time, say how great it feels waking up without a hangover, and don't really miss the stuff. Yes, you will get some pressure to drink. But it will stop. And you will be surprised how soon someone remarks, "Wow, you're doing great with your drinking. Wish I cold slow down" First time that happened to my, I was stunned.

Hobbers

'Call in sick' just this once. You're super new into this. one missed round of golf won't hurt, and the next time, they might even remember you were sick before, and not push the matter.

my 2 cents.

Blaizze

IMO, I wouldn't put myself in that situation, it is too dangerous that early on in your sobriety. The temptation will be too strong in your old familiar habits. Sometimes it's these habits and people/situations that are the hardest for us to break away from when we are newly sober.

Maybe do something new and fun on Friday instead of doing the same old golf routine with drinking buddies?

Lola23

This is really great. I'm facing a similar situation (not a golf outing but an event where there will be drinking) and I will definitely be using this. It's all true and really doesn't leave any room for someone to say "yea but..." And doesn't get into the nitty gritty details I don't want to share.

Thanks!

aborkie

It's going to be very tempting for you. I used to play golf with my two regular golf buddies. We would get bombed every weekend on the course. We don't play anymore because I have two young kids now, but if I was in your shoes I would disengage from them because you are not really friends outside of golf. If you want to start your new sober life, you can't really be playing golf with these two guys any longer IMO.

Jake1961

Similar issue coming up for me next week. I am 22 days sober and feel great. Wife's family is having a reunion in a couple of weeks. We always have a good time and the alcohol flows freely during these events. While I want to go and enjoy the day, my wife's family is great and we all get along, the not drinking part will be tough. I have refrained from drinking at social events in the past but I always planned to "make it up" when I got home after so it really wasn't that hard.

I could go and not drink and say I am on either call for my job that day or because of medication I am taking (partially true), but a half lie is still a lie. I'm just going to stay home, my wife will understand. Going will be like giving a kid a hand full of cash and sending him to a candy store.

I guess the bigger question related to this, and it may be worthy of a separate thread, is at what point do you\did you tell relatives, friends, and co-workers you do not drink anymore. And how do\did you honestly answer the next question of "why?"

lostinthetrees

First of all, great job on 5 days! Keep pushing through.

I agree with Anna (lying was a destructive aspect of my alcoholism as well) and PurpleKnight (it's pretty early in your journey to be putting yourself in that position).

Why not stay home this week. Next time your golf outing comes around you will have almost two weeks of sobriety and will be better able to judge your ability to resist cravings in the presence of alcohol/old routines.

HotSauceJeff

"I'm trying to lay off a bit, but thanks.....", next subject. It won't be a big deal unless you make it one.... This, of course, if you decide you go... I can not judge how persuasive your friend maybe, etc... I agree it is a little early. You should have a plan a,b,c...etc

Good job on stopping, keep it up!