Tetra

I had 8 months of sobriety until July 8th when I relapsed. I had my last drink on 11th July. Now, I am trying to put my life back together. I have signed up for volunteer work and I will be giving English lessons a few hours a week.

My problem is that I have gone out three times in the past few weeks and I have bought alcohol. I bought a bottle of vodka, and two bottles of white wine. On each occasion, I brought it home and looked at it, put it in a cupboard and thought about it. I have then taken it out, looked at it again, taken it to the bathroom and flushed it down the toilet. I did this tonight for the last time and I felt almost "high" as I flushed.

I can't explain it as I am by no means a millionaire and I don't have a lot of spare cash to just throw away.

I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Dee74

I think it takes time to build a new life and we need to be a little patient with that.

You really have no idea why you've been buying the bottles Tetra? nothing troubling you?

D

LBrain

I hope you can get this behind you. No more dumping bottle ceremonies.

PurpleKnight

Keep pushing through Tetra!!

Hopefully as your routine changes with the voluntary work things will adjust for the better!!

Viperidae

You're doing this because it is a really beguiling disease. Look at it this way, you flushed them!!!! Keep pushing. Good work on the English volunteering. I did it once, English as a second language for the Lit volunteers here in CT. Cool people that are taking advantage of everything America can offer and really appreciate the help!!

Kaneda8888

Hey Tetra

I used to do that all the times when I was trying to stop. Finish work. Get something to eat. Walk back to my apartment. Stare at the TV. Then go to liquor store. Battle with drink/not drink on way back to apartment. Then flush contents down the toilet. Get pi**ed off at myself. Try to sleep.

I eventually realised that I wasn't able to cope with being alone as I loathed myself. Hence, the desire to seek oblivion. It took a lot of AA sessions, therapy and discovering spirituality before I began to overcome this. I gradually came to realise the problem was not the alcohol.
The big breakthrough has been accepting myself, self-forgiveness and patience (lots and lots of it).

Be patient and kind to yourself Tetra. Its difficult but as Dee says, look beyond the alcohol and see where the problem is. Know that it can be addressed and it can be solved without alcohol !

Be strong and stay close !

Viperidae

Kaneda, that's it exactly. I loath myself. I don't know why. Others seem to like me a lot. Tons of therapy for 20 years.

trachemys

Tetra, I can tell you why.

Sometimes the only way to slay that damn zombie is KEEP KILLING IT!

YOU ROCK!

If what it takes is to keep pouring out booze then KEEP POURING OUT BOOZE.

Victory is Victory!

You may want to switch to airline bottles, tho'. ROCK ON!