Day 8 - Anger
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, Uk
Posts: 1,694
Day 8 - Anger
Hi all
What's wrong with me. I am so angry today. Angry at myself for being an alcoholic, angry at my partner for leaving (when clearly it was a rational decision and needed) angry at my friends for not texting to see how I am (really I have cut them off over the last year so no one would), angry at people I don't even know I can imagine sipping a couple of drinks in the pub last night. Arrrgh.
Angry at the world in general and the weather is not helping here in the UK.
I'm no where near picking up a drink and resolve is strong but did anyone else have feelings of extreme anger and how did you get through it?
What's wrong with me. I am so angry today. Angry at myself for being an alcoholic, angry at my partner for leaving (when clearly it was a rational decision and needed) angry at my friends for not texting to see how I am (really I have cut them off over the last year so no one would), angry at people I don't even know I can imagine sipping a couple of drinks in the pub last night. Arrrgh.
Angry at the world in general and the weather is not helping here in the UK.
I'm no where near picking up a drink and resolve is strong but did anyone else have feelings of extreme anger and how did you get through it?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 425
Hi Sthlondonab... I can't say I ever suffered that... I used to be irritable when going through withdrawal but sure there will be people on here that will relate.. I actually feel relief most of the time but I am in early sobriety so you never know, it might happen..
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
My first couple of weeks I had periods of anxiety driven anger. For me the worst part was being angry at myself for relapsing.
Have you tried anything to counter the anger? I used to have very high blood pressure when drinking all of the time. I found short periods of meditation help me calm down and focous on what I can controll... me, thats the only thing I can actually controll.
Everythinng \ everyone else will make their decisions based on my actions. The more anger I put out to others, the more negitive feelings I received in return. The more positive I was, the majority reaction was positive as well.
If I knew I couldn't change the outcome of a situation by altering my behavior, I had to leave that situation.
That happened last night. I was anxious and knew I was promoting my wife to be aggitated towards me. I offered to do some grocery shopping just to get away for a few. When shopping, I saw several unhappy families, expressing frustration on each other in public.
I realized how ugly I was being to those I cared about. Went home, apologized and the whole mood for the night had changed. Although my wife told me I forgot the milk so I had to go back... which I happily did.
There is no instruction manual on beating this addiction.
Improvise on what works for you in each moment. You can only controll you and your choices.
Great job on day 8
Have you tried anything to counter the anger? I used to have very high blood pressure when drinking all of the time. I found short periods of meditation help me calm down and focous on what I can controll... me, thats the only thing I can actually controll.
Everythinng \ everyone else will make their decisions based on my actions. The more anger I put out to others, the more negitive feelings I received in return. The more positive I was, the majority reaction was positive as well.
If I knew I couldn't change the outcome of a situation by altering my behavior, I had to leave that situation.
That happened last night. I was anxious and knew I was promoting my wife to be aggitated towards me. I offered to do some grocery shopping just to get away for a few. When shopping, I saw several unhappy families, expressing frustration on each other in public.
I realized how ugly I was being to those I cared about. Went home, apologized and the whole mood for the night had changed. Although my wife told me I forgot the milk so I had to go back... which I happily did.
There is no instruction manual on beating this addiction.
Improvise on what works for you in each moment. You can only controll you and your choices.
Great job on day 8
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
Hi sthlondonab, congrats on day 8! My emotions were all over the place when i first stopped drinking and i didn't know how i would be feeling from one day to the next. It will get better and things will level out. I have found that exercise really helps me if i feel frustrated about something. Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 155
I am angry and jealous at guys I see now, out getting a pizza......then ordering ONE beer.....and sipping through dinner......HOW THE HECK are they doing that.
The last couple of days I have been flipping out. It hit me at two weeks.
Solutions I'm going to try for the next few days as it is bad:
1. eat more - too often my stomach is empty, especially in the afternoon.
2. WAY LESS caffeine - too many strong coffees and caffeinated sodas, I am finding myself feeling like I am coming down off of sped or something in the afternoon/early evening. (might be the caffeine, might be my brain, we'll see)
As far as you:
While you are miserable and angry, I don't know if you noticed, your 8 days of sobriety has allowed to see things so clearly that every single one of your complaints......was immediately followed up by what you see as the rational explanation, up to and including being "made at the world i general"......the weather stinks and no sun is depressing.
The only one you didn't explain...has no explanation, being mad at imaginary people at the pub. I get mad at them as well. I get mad at people drinking one beer with dinner at a restaurant......you just KNOW they are doing that to get to me......seriously, nobody sips one beer with dinner......salad then a pizza, that's a five pint affair right there......
The last couple of days I have been flipping out. It hit me at two weeks.
Solutions I'm going to try for the next few days as it is bad:
1. eat more - too often my stomach is empty, especially in the afternoon.
2. WAY LESS caffeine - too many strong coffees and caffeinated sodas, I am finding myself feeling like I am coming down off of sped or something in the afternoon/early evening. (might be the caffeine, might be my brain, we'll see)
As far as you:
While you are miserable and angry, I don't know if you noticed, your 8 days of sobriety has allowed to see things so clearly that every single one of your complaints......was immediately followed up by what you see as the rational explanation, up to and including being "made at the world i general"......the weather stinks and no sun is depressing.
The only one you didn't explain...has no explanation, being mad at imaginary people at the pub. I get mad at them as well. I get mad at people drinking one beer with dinner at a restaurant......you just KNOW they are doing that to get to me......seriously, nobody sips one beer with dinner......salad then a pizza, that's a five pint affair right there......
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
8 days is an eternity. good on ya!!
for me I was still in a fog at 8 days but the anger and rage started comin out. I had it for may years before I stopped but was mostly masked with the alcohol and drugs.
I was pretty pi**ssed off at myself for the wreckage I had left in my path, how I treated people including my ex fiancé. and at my friends for not givin a crap about how I was doin.
I had to stop kikin myself in the arse by seeing I wasn't a bad man when I was drinkin, just a sick man.
as for the friends, I had to see that this was showing just how good of friends I had and they were sick,too.
forgiveness is one part that helped me. also lookin at yself and seeing the self pity, self justification, self importance, and self condemnation helped. to stop all that I practiced( and still have to) self forgetfulness, humility, modesty, and self forgiveness.
also patience,tolerance( which theres a line there. I don't have to tolerate unacceptable behavior),forgiveness,and love.
practice practice, practice
for me I was still in a fog at 8 days but the anger and rage started comin out. I had it for may years before I stopped but was mostly masked with the alcohol and drugs.
I was pretty pi**ssed off at myself for the wreckage I had left in my path, how I treated people including my ex fiancé. and at my friends for not givin a crap about how I was doin.
I had to stop kikin myself in the arse by seeing I wasn't a bad man when I was drinkin, just a sick man.
as for the friends, I had to see that this was showing just how good of friends I had and they were sick,too.
forgiveness is one part that helped me. also lookin at yself and seeing the self pity, self justification, self importance, and self condemnation helped. to stop all that I practiced( and still have to) self forgetfulness, humility, modesty, and self forgiveness.
also patience,tolerance( which theres a line there. I don't have to tolerate unacceptable behavior),forgiveness,and love.
practice practice, practice
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,358
Hi, londonab. Good on you for the 8 days! Any negative emotion seems to like to stay around and we can give think of hundreds of reasons to justify it by just feeding it the Stories. There's a technique in the mental health world called " acting opposite to emotion" and it helps if you want to break the momentum. Thus, acting opposite to anger would involve retreating rather than attacking, doing something nice for someone (how about yourself?), and stop feeding yourself the Stories that keep the emotion around.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hi sthlondonab...the cool thing that I have noticed about feeling intense emotions (without alcohol in the mix) and getting the chance to ride them through from start to finish while in the company of myself, is that the emotions are felt, gotten out and then. Whoa. The calm after the storm. Usually i find that the initial emotions were just an expression/manifestation of something else that felt intolerable, sad or painful.
When I felt intense emotion in the beginning I HAD to go out and punch the air while walking and listening to really great music. By the time I felt that the stress in my body was adequately contracted with good feeling endorphins I would head home. In the beginning it often took 2+ hours. Well worth it. Then I was less apt to take the intensity out on others around me, or myself.
Then I would come to SR and read
Go easy on yourself. This intensity slowly passed for me
When I felt intense emotion in the beginning I HAD to go out and punch the air while walking and listening to really great music. By the time I felt that the stress in my body was adequately contracted with good feeling endorphins I would head home. In the beginning it often took 2+ hours. Well worth it. Then I was less apt to take the intensity out on others around me, or myself.
Then I would come to SR and read
Go easy on yourself. This intensity slowly passed for me Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Day 8 is early days, it took many weeks for my emotions, thoughts and feelings to level out, all the questions I didn't know the answers to finally faded the more Sober time and more positive life became!!
Hang in there!!
Hang in there!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,578
I had a lot of anger towards myself during the first weeks of recovery and it even drifted in for a few months. I was very hard on myself and had no interest in forgiving myself and moving on. But, I began to realize I wasn't going to be able to move on until I forgave myself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, Uk
Posts: 1,694
Thank you guys. Posts really helped me today. I have a long train journey home back from a family visit so I will think happy thoughts and I think the gratitude list is a great shout.
Best to all :-)
Best to all :-)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: South Florida
Posts: 160
I feel the same way from time to time. I get angry at the imaginary people at the bar, or the real people at the beach with a cooler I know is full of beer, or even the people I know are home and can just drink a few glasses of wine and "relax". I'm still learning that is all an illusion. Those things won't make me happy, they will only result in me wanting more, but not having the sober mind to say no. I get angry all the time. It does pass though, and I actually am happy again. I hope it gets easier, for now that's all I got.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,707
yes i was angry at the world when i first put the drink down
the poor people in aa would hear my anger over the table at the meetings as i was so full of rage
i was angry at the police for locking me up
i was angry at the social workers who took my kids away from me
i was angry at my ex wife for her going off to find another drunk she could be with
i was angry with the thoughts of my ex in bed with another man
i was angry i lost my business
i was angry i lost all my money
i was angry at all the rich members in aa who had there wives, there familys, there jobs, there money
you name it i was angry about it
thats why i love the people so much in aa as they could see past my anger and just tried to help me and they did
i can still get angry today over the death of my son but its a different kind of anger as its not aimed at anyone its just aimed at life and how cruel it can be with the unfairness of it all
but at the end of the day my anger is not going to change anything at all
the world will not be a better place with me shouting at it
today i value peace of mind more than anything in the world and to be free of that anger is really amazing
it can still show itself from time to time normally if i dont get my own way over things but i feel it inside of me today and i take actions like keep my gob shut ( somtimes ) or just take myself away from what is feeding me anger
all i know is i wouldn't want to ever go through all that emotional turmoil again in my life its just so painful
the poor people in aa would hear my anger over the table at the meetings as i was so full of rage
i was angry at the police for locking me up
i was angry at the social workers who took my kids away from me
i was angry at my ex wife for her going off to find another drunk she could be with
i was angry with the thoughts of my ex in bed with another man
i was angry i lost my business
i was angry i lost all my money
i was angry at all the rich members in aa who had there wives, there familys, there jobs, there money
you name it i was angry about it
thats why i love the people so much in aa as they could see past my anger and just tried to help me and they did
i can still get angry today over the death of my son but its a different kind of anger as its not aimed at anyone its just aimed at life and how cruel it can be with the unfairness of it all
but at the end of the day my anger is not going to change anything at all
the world will not be a better place with me shouting at it
today i value peace of mind more than anything in the world and to be free of that anger is really amazing
it can still show itself from time to time normally if i dont get my own way over things but i feel it inside of me today and i take actions like keep my gob shut ( somtimes ) or just take myself away from what is feeding me anger
all i know is i wouldn't want to ever go through all that emotional turmoil again in my life its just so painful
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I get angry too. Sometimes I feel just plain furious that I can't enjoy one, or FFS, two glasses of wine and then just let it be. I do hope this will pass as it is not a nice way to feel. I want to be happy about my decision not to drink and I want to feel like I am just fine, not missing out on anything. I am hoping that the more time that passes the less I miss alcohol. I know I will have to face my AV for a very long time, possibly forever, but I want some of the anguish and pain over the loss of alcohol in my life to subside. It is correct that it does, it is poison to me, so many bad things happened because of it. But I can't lie, at this stage I still and sad and in a weird state of mourning at times.
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