Pregnant and Suffering...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 3
Pregnant and Suffering...
Hello all and thanks for taking the time to read my post! This is a re-post from the Alcoholics thread. As this was my first post I've updated it slightly.
As the title states...I'm pregnant and a little over 1/2 way through at 21 weeks. My husband and I are thrilled and looking forward to our little one. I found out when I was about 4 weeks and pretty much decided I would take this as a sign to get sober. The few years prior I had been a very regular wine drinker and would easily drink about a bottle of wine almost nightly. When I got off birthcontrol I probably cut back to drinking only a few glasses of wine maybe 2/3 times per week. When I found out that I was preggers it was a little bit of a surprise since we weren't actually trying yet, but alas - fertile myrtle over here. I had 2 drinking episodes (a bottle of wine each time) soon after I found out...not sure if was in denial about having to quit my drinking or what, but felt guilt and shame the next morning. I did really well for the next 3 months and only had 1 additional episode around 13 weeks, and it wasn't until this last 3 weeks that I feel like I've really F*ed up.
We were forced to quickly find another place to live when our landlord gave us a 30 day notice after finding out that we were expecting and looking for a larger place. Thank God we found a place, and we packed and moved last in a 10 day timeframe. Stress is and has always been a huge trigger and within the last 2 weeks I've succumb to the stress of moving, etc and drank 3 times (all of those times at least 4/5 units each). I have so much self-hate and guilt and shame right now and it's so hard for me to believe that as a mother is already f*ing up big time. I'm so scared that I might have done damage to my little boy, but all the tests and everything has come back very positive and healthy and he's even weighing in slightly more than average.
I found this site actually googling trying to find other women who might have been in my shoes and what their experience might be. The web can be so judgmental at times and trust me there's nothing that could be said that I haven't already beaten myself up with. I'm very well educated on FAS/FAE and know the risks. So why am I being so STUPID?!?! How could I have done this!? I never thought I would be 'that' mother...yet here I am asking for help. Anyone who might have an idea what I'm going though? I would love your thoughts, advice and words of wisdom.
My husband has been as supportive as he can be, but admits he has no idea what I'm going through and suggested I reach out to others for advice. I've been to AA and I don't feel very comfortable talking to strangers in person about something so personal, but thought this would be a good alternative. I've been more successful going to a therapist for over a year to address my stress and anxiety management as well.
Please I'm looking for advice and help and similar experiences and how things turned out for you not just your judgement.
Thanks,
Red
As the title states...I'm pregnant and a little over 1/2 way through at 21 weeks. My husband and I are thrilled and looking forward to our little one. I found out when I was about 4 weeks and pretty much decided I would take this as a sign to get sober. The few years prior I had been a very regular wine drinker and would easily drink about a bottle of wine almost nightly. When I got off birthcontrol I probably cut back to drinking only a few glasses of wine maybe 2/3 times per week. When I found out that I was preggers it was a little bit of a surprise since we weren't actually trying yet, but alas - fertile myrtle over here. I had 2 drinking episodes (a bottle of wine each time) soon after I found out...not sure if was in denial about having to quit my drinking or what, but felt guilt and shame the next morning. I did really well for the next 3 months and only had 1 additional episode around 13 weeks, and it wasn't until this last 3 weeks that I feel like I've really F*ed up.
We were forced to quickly find another place to live when our landlord gave us a 30 day notice after finding out that we were expecting and looking for a larger place. Thank God we found a place, and we packed and moved last in a 10 day timeframe. Stress is and has always been a huge trigger and within the last 2 weeks I've succumb to the stress of moving, etc and drank 3 times (all of those times at least 4/5 units each). I have so much self-hate and guilt and shame right now and it's so hard for me to believe that as a mother is already f*ing up big time. I'm so scared that I might have done damage to my little boy, but all the tests and everything has come back very positive and healthy and he's even weighing in slightly more than average.
I found this site actually googling trying to find other women who might have been in my shoes and what their experience might be. The web can be so judgmental at times and trust me there's nothing that could be said that I haven't already beaten myself up with. I'm very well educated on FAS/FAE and know the risks. So why am I being so STUPID?!?! How could I have done this!? I never thought I would be 'that' mother...yet here I am asking for help. Anyone who might have an idea what I'm going though? I would love your thoughts, advice and words of wisdom.
My husband has been as supportive as he can be, but admits he has no idea what I'm going through and suggested I reach out to others for advice. I've been to AA and I don't feel very comfortable talking to strangers in person about something so personal, but thought this would be a good alternative. I've been more successful going to a therapist for over a year to address my stress and anxiety management as well.
Please I'm looking for advice and help and similar experiences and how things turned out for you not just your judgement.
Thanks,
Red
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Welcome to SR
The most important thing you can do now is ensure you don't drink again for the remainder of your pregnancy. Can you speak honestly with your doctor/midwife for real life support and also so they are aware of potential issues for when your baby is born?
PLease stick around SR- it is a great source of support and strength though I think face to face support will help you too
Sending hugs.
The most important thing you can do now is ensure you don't drink again for the remainder of your pregnancy. Can you speak honestly with your doctor/midwife for real life support and also so they are aware of potential issues for when your baby is born?
PLease stick around SR- it is a great source of support and strength though I think face to face support will help you too
Sending hugs.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Only your doctor can give you real, true medical advice.
However, I will share with you my personal experience. I am an alcoholic and have been a heavy drinker for many years. I would imagine prior to falling pregnant I was drinking more than you, but I hadn't hit my lowest point at that time. I drank at that level prior to finding out I was pregnant (about 6 weeks). In Italy, where I live now and where I was while pregnant and for the birth of both of my children, my doctor gave me the recommendation (without knowing my alcoholic history I need to add) that I keep my alcohol intake to 1 glass of wine at lunch and 1 glass of wine at dinner. This was the standard recommendation by doctors here. I know in France the recommendations are similar including limiting cigarettes to 5 or less a day. I think in the US the recommendations are zero alcohol and zero smoking. I won't get into a debate as to what is right or wrong, just stating my experience with what my doctor told me.
At that point I was not yet into drinking during the day so I only had the glass of wine at night. Some nights I didn't have any wine, some nights I had 2 glasses of wine, rarely I had more than that, but my drinking was very regular, even if moderate.
Again, I want to be clear that I am only speaking for my own self, but both of my boys are healthy, smart, well behaved and totally on point development wise. They are 5.5 and 4 years old.
If you believe yourself to be an alcoholic now would be a GREAT time to stop. You have a huge motivation to stop right now, if I could go back in time I would have taken advantage of that motivation and stopped then, saving me years of pain and anguish. I don't think I did any damage to my kids drinking while pregnant (fortunately) If I am painfully honest- and boy does this hurt- I imagine I have done some emotional damage to them by being drunk nearly all the time during their tender, formative years.
Best of luck to you.
Oh, lastly, I want to add, I saw my US doctor on a visit home and she told me that she recommended no drinking and no smoking. She did say though that one of the very worst things for an unborn child was the stress of the mother. Try and relax. Enjoy your pregnancy. Stress is normal, but I would suggest finding a non-alcholic way of getting a bit of a release and relaxation.
However, I will share with you my personal experience. I am an alcoholic and have been a heavy drinker for many years. I would imagine prior to falling pregnant I was drinking more than you, but I hadn't hit my lowest point at that time. I drank at that level prior to finding out I was pregnant (about 6 weeks). In Italy, where I live now and where I was while pregnant and for the birth of both of my children, my doctor gave me the recommendation (without knowing my alcoholic history I need to add) that I keep my alcohol intake to 1 glass of wine at lunch and 1 glass of wine at dinner. This was the standard recommendation by doctors here. I know in France the recommendations are similar including limiting cigarettes to 5 or less a day. I think in the US the recommendations are zero alcohol and zero smoking. I won't get into a debate as to what is right or wrong, just stating my experience with what my doctor told me.
At that point I was not yet into drinking during the day so I only had the glass of wine at night. Some nights I didn't have any wine, some nights I had 2 glasses of wine, rarely I had more than that, but my drinking was very regular, even if moderate.
Again, I want to be clear that I am only speaking for my own self, but both of my boys are healthy, smart, well behaved and totally on point development wise. They are 5.5 and 4 years old.
If you believe yourself to be an alcoholic now would be a GREAT time to stop. You have a huge motivation to stop right now, if I could go back in time I would have taken advantage of that motivation and stopped then, saving me years of pain and anguish. I don't think I did any damage to my kids drinking while pregnant (fortunately) If I am painfully honest- and boy does this hurt- I imagine I have done some emotional damage to them by being drunk nearly all the time during their tender, formative years.
Best of luck to you.
Oh, lastly, I want to add, I saw my US doctor on a visit home and she told me that she recommended no drinking and no smoking. She did say though that one of the very worst things for an unborn child was the stress of the mother. Try and relax. Enjoy your pregnancy. Stress is normal, but I would suggest finding a non-alcholic way of getting a bit of a release and relaxation.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
No matter what, you need some big hugs for sure. 
Not medical advice (please consult your doc), just experience for perspective and support:
The challenging emotions you are experiencing are all part of that (wonderful thing) which is motherhood. While I did not drink alcohol during pregnancy, I required enough daily medication to first, keep me alive and second, my unborn child. This is not something to this day that can easily be discussed with other women (people). Period. I tell you this because I had to keep anxiety and feelings of guilt at bay while not being able to discuss it with others around me. This is very challenging and isolating. And well, people judge and that hurts (especially with wicked hormones).
The best resource for me was my OB and especially the Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) High-risk OB. Especially the MFM as they specialize in scenarios that are generally high anxiety from start to finish. If you have not already, I recommend even a short conversation with an MFM...this might help gain perspective for your concerns.
During my 19-week appointment after much thinking and internal debate I asked my OB if it was possible for me, with my scenario, to not feel guilty and let myself off the hook. Like, was guilt really necessary if I was really the only one feeling it? Her response was, "Welcome to motherhood where there are an endless number of subjects about which to feel guilty from this day until your grave". And then she suggested that I just start now. Practice not feeling guilty for something over which I have no control. You can make the very best decisions you are capable of from this day forth. Prepare yourself, sh%& still happens. And who knows, it could have been X, Y, or Z.
Pregnancy and motherhood are very challenging for the mind, body and soul in so many different ways. Ask yourself if continued self-hate, guilt, shame or suffering serves a purpose. It is great of you to reach out, as a supported mom is a loved mom. Congratulations on 21weeks! Hope this helps a little. More hugs Mama
Not medical advice (please consult your doc), just experience for perspective and support:
The challenging emotions you are experiencing are all part of that (wonderful thing) which is motherhood. While I did not drink alcohol during pregnancy, I required enough daily medication to first, keep me alive and second, my unborn child. This is not something to this day that can easily be discussed with other women (people). Period. I tell you this because I had to keep anxiety and feelings of guilt at bay while not being able to discuss it with others around me. This is very challenging and isolating. And well, people judge and that hurts (especially with wicked hormones).
The best resource for me was my OB and especially the Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) High-risk OB. Especially the MFM as they specialize in scenarios that are generally high anxiety from start to finish. If you have not already, I recommend even a short conversation with an MFM...this might help gain perspective for your concerns.
During my 19-week appointment after much thinking and internal debate I asked my OB if it was possible for me, with my scenario, to not feel guilty and let myself off the hook. Like, was guilt really necessary if I was really the only one feeling it? Her response was, "Welcome to motherhood where there are an endless number of subjects about which to feel guilty from this day until your grave". And then she suggested that I just start now. Practice not feeling guilty for something over which I have no control. You can make the very best decisions you are capable of from this day forth. Prepare yourself, sh%& still happens. And who knows, it could have been X, Y, or Z.
Pregnancy and motherhood are very challenging for the mind, body and soul in so many different ways. Ask yourself if continued self-hate, guilt, shame or suffering serves a purpose. It is great of you to reach out, as a supported mom is a loved mom. Congratulations on 21weeks! Hope this helps a little. More hugs Mama
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 3
Thank you everyone so much! I can't tell you enough how just admitting my faults has already helped with the guilt and the process of forgiving myself. Since I just moved, I'm in the middle of switching doctors and hospitals which I think will definitely be to my benefit as I did not like my previous doctor. I couldn't talk to him about anything as I was rushed out of each appointment and he would start walking out the door as he answered any of my questions.
In any case, your advice and hugs from afar have been good for my soul. I feel like my mind has already calmed and stopped shouting at myself. I will talk with my new doctor and let him know what's going on. I will definitely be joining in more on this forum as I think it has already helped me tremendously and try to keep everyone posted.
In any case, your advice and hugs from afar have been good for my soul. I feel like my mind has already calmed and stopped shouting at myself. I will talk with my new doctor and let him know what's going on. I will definitely be joining in more on this forum as I think it has already helped me tremendously and try to keep everyone posted.
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