I made it through the weekend, why am I so depressed.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 106
I made it through the weekend, why am I so depressed.
I made it through the weekend, I havent been able to do this since I can remember. Saturday I felt great, I was so happy and in such a good mood. Yesterday I went to the beach with my kids and some family. I was excited about going but when we got there everyone got beer. I could have had some of course, it's not like I was being "picked" on, I just felt SO left out! Like the kid at the party with nobody to play with lol. We came home and watched movies, everyone was done drinking at that point, had I been drinking there's no way we would've came home without stopping for more alcohol! I don't know why I feel different today. I just woke up feeling down.. and bored, like is this ALL? I know it's supposed to get better with time, but I feel so impatient. I dont want to feel like this.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 18
I think, over time, you recognize an entirely new way of living and ignore the beers, the shots, the this, the that. I am not there yet. From everything I have read, there is a life beyond our wildest dreams out there. We just have to hang on.
And I suck, because I will likely drink today, but I believe everything I typed. And you can now live it.
And I suck, because I will likely drink today, but I believe everything I typed. And you can now live it.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Don't feel alone. I've been 34 days abstinent and while I was running around today, doing errands, job hunting, scheduling PT work, house cleaning, all of a sudden...
BAM! "I need a drink!"
WHAT???
BAM! "I need a drink!"
WHAT???
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
I went through that for months after I got sober. I would say it took me almost six months to have a definite change of attitude and emotional stability. Hang on and know that it will get better. IT WILL.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Give it more time Ready2besober, you say on Saturday you felt great? Hold on to that feeling, it wouldn't of happened if you wern't sober, don't forget the good times sobriety brings you and WELL DONE, you managed to get through it.
If you're feeling down, be nice to yourself, eat some good food or go for a walk, something to take your mind off things. You're doing well, keep going
If you're feeling down, be nice to yourself, eat some good food or go for a walk, something to take your mind off things. You're doing well, keep going
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
I hear ya. I am not depressed per se, but am feeling really frustrated and annoyed tonight as I am having cravings big time. I was so chipper and happy this morning... I am trying trying trying to stya positive and remember good things about being sober. Think about how physically good you felt when you got up this morning. Think about how much your kids appreciated having you totally there this weekend. Sending a big hug.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
You would rather feel, what?
Disappointment? A hangover? Self-loathing? Frustration? Feelings of failure? Because those are the feelings I came to associate with my drinking.
Is it sunshine and rainbows and unicorn farts when you drink, or is it closer to the list I laid out?
I quit drinking because I figured out one day, "hey, this sucks, and it sucked yesterday, and it's very very likely to suck tomorrow." So when I see people drinking I am not tempted to make today and tomorrow suck, because that's what I'd be doing.
If it's awesome when you drink, I don't know why you'd quit. But if you're on SR it probably hasn't been awesome for quite some time.
Disappointment? A hangover? Self-loathing? Frustration? Feelings of failure? Because those are the feelings I came to associate with my drinking.
Is it sunshine and rainbows and unicorn farts when you drink, or is it closer to the list I laid out?
I quit drinking because I figured out one day, "hey, this sucks, and it sucked yesterday, and it's very very likely to suck tomorrow." So when I see people drinking I am not tempted to make today and tomorrow suck, because that's what I'd be doing.
If it's awesome when you drink, I don't know why you'd quit. But if you're on SR it probably hasn't been awesome for quite some time.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
It's gonna take time to build a Sober lifestyle, Sobriety isn't simply about not drinking, it's about carving out a new pattern of life, but that's not gonna happen overnight!!
Don't be so hard on yourself, give it time and hang in there!!
Don't be so hard on yourself, give it time and hang in there!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Agree with what LBrain said up there ^^.
You are doing well but part of this is also managing expectations, which is what some others are referring to here, I believe. It is most certainly not going to be all good, all of the time, for awhile. I assume you've drank for years so your body and brain are all geared to think Alcohol= Good time. No Alcohol= Why bother? Even though we all know damn well that the "good times" probably ended awhile ago...or will very soon. For me, and for those I know who have had more success than failure in sobriety, it required changing A LOT of habits. I know it is sucky to sit there and not drink when everyone else is drinking. I know it is super sucky to be the one with the problem when everyone else seems to be able to enjoy alcohol responsibly. These things do not make for happy thoughts in the beginning.
But if you are serious, you are going to just have to bear down for awhile and get through it. I would highly suggest taking myself out of situations where you're going to be around people who are drinking all the time. Why not sign up for Chinese water torture, too? Get some support from family, friends, a recovery group and, of course, you always have us.
LBrain is right on, though. It's going to take a few months (my first breakthrough was three months, the bigger one at six, now is a world different) for you to get past the habitual thinking and retrain your brain. It can totally be done and, I promise, if you stick with it, there will come a day when you do feel awesome the majority of the time. Sobriety delivers. But it takes awhile and getting impatient will lead you back to the bottle, no doubt.
The moods will pass and stabilize soon, what you're going through is totally normal.
Hang in there, it is so very worth it and you can totally do it!
You are doing well but part of this is also managing expectations, which is what some others are referring to here, I believe. It is most certainly not going to be all good, all of the time, for awhile. I assume you've drank for years so your body and brain are all geared to think Alcohol= Good time. No Alcohol= Why bother? Even though we all know damn well that the "good times" probably ended awhile ago...or will very soon. For me, and for those I know who have had more success than failure in sobriety, it required changing A LOT of habits. I know it is sucky to sit there and not drink when everyone else is drinking. I know it is super sucky to be the one with the problem when everyone else seems to be able to enjoy alcohol responsibly. These things do not make for happy thoughts in the beginning.
But if you are serious, you are going to just have to bear down for awhile and get through it. I would highly suggest taking myself out of situations where you're going to be around people who are drinking all the time. Why not sign up for Chinese water torture, too? Get some support from family, friends, a recovery group and, of course, you always have us.
LBrain is right on, though. It's going to take a few months (my first breakthrough was three months, the bigger one at six, now is a world different) for you to get past the habitual thinking and retrain your brain. It can totally be done and, I promise, if you stick with it, there will come a day when you do feel awesome the majority of the time. Sobriety delivers. But it takes awhile and getting impatient will lead you back to the bottle, no doubt.
The moods will pass and stabilize soon, what you're going through is totally normal.
Hang in there, it is so very worth it and you can totally do it!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
give it time. It took us years to get into this mess,it takes longer than a few days to feel better. It is very normal to feel depressed in early sobriety.
I often felt great then felt awful and the awful times felt worse without the alcohol to numb them,as I'd done for most of my adult life. Life is better sober but it is still life, I've learned that I have good days and bad. It isn't great all the time -some days I feel depressed ,anxious and generally pretty rotten
What I've learned though and always keep in mind that the bad feelings will pass and the difference between a bad day and a good day is 24 hours.
As others have said, it's not just about stopping drinking.It is about building a new sober life and also learning how to deal with life's knocks sober by learning new coping skills. Life isn't perfect and happy all the time when sober but it's a hell of a lot better living it than being drunk and out of it most of the time
I do think going to places where all around you are drinking will just enhance bad feelings, depression and highlight the fact you are somehow 'missing out' . Be kind to yourself-you don't need to test yourself or prove anything to yourself by being around drinkers. Don't make it harder on yourself than it already is
I often felt great then felt awful and the awful times felt worse without the alcohol to numb them,as I'd done for most of my adult life. Life is better sober but it is still life, I've learned that I have good days and bad. It isn't great all the time -some days I feel depressed ,anxious and generally pretty rotten
What I've learned though and always keep in mind that the bad feelings will pass and the difference between a bad day and a good day is 24 hours. As others have said, it's not just about stopping drinking.It is about building a new sober life and also learning how to deal with life's knocks sober by learning new coping skills. Life isn't perfect and happy all the time when sober but it's a hell of a lot better living it than being drunk and out of it most of the time
I do think going to places where all around you are drinking will just enhance bad feelings, depression and highlight the fact you are somehow 'missing out' . Be kind to yourself-you don't need to test yourself or prove anything to yourself by being around drinkers. Don't make it harder on yourself than it already is
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Asheville
Posts: 1
The obsession to drink will be lifted.(sometimes quickly sometimes slowly), You will be able to go anywhere without fear of relapse (even good old fashioned Whoopee Parties). You will recoil from alcohol as if from a hot flame. These are promises from the AA big book. I recall when I first got sober that I didn't want to have liquor in my house or go places where there was drinking. I sure didn't want to be around old friends who were getting loaded. Now there is liquor in the cabinet just across the room and I never think about it. I thought about it now as I was writing this post. I am neutral to it and to all things alcohol. I'm not sure how much time it took me to get to this point. It wasn't over night but then again, there has been liquor in that cabinet across the room for years. I'm not even sure how it got there. I just know it doesn't belong to me and I'm not going to ever drink any of it. One Day at a time. Work the program as vigorously as you can. Stick with people you know you can trust. That might be the trickiest part for the newcomer. You know you must not drink but at the same time you have to be aware that you can't trust everything you hear in the rooms and also can't trust everybody who puts out their hand to you. You are responsible for your sobriety don't ever put it into someone else's hands. Trust AA as a whole, nothing is perfect, but if you trust the process of learning the one day at a time "not drinking" fellowship you will surely succeed. Rarely, have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Don't believe statistics that say anything different. Do believe that if you are willing to go to any lengths to get sober and to stay sober that you will succeed. We are not a glum lot! So over all I'm sure you will find yourself enjoying life. AA insists on it.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Part of me getting sober was realizing that I wasn't going to feel awesome all the time and I had to accept occasional discomfort and sadness in my life. When I was still drinking, the second I felt bad about anything, I got drunk and blocked it out. Discomfort, sadness, loneliness, these are all human emotions that may feel uncomfortable at first but are quite normal. I had to learn to deal with these feelings sober. And it does get better with more time. You woke up today without a hangover or regrets for saying/doing something stupid, at the very least be happy about that.
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