Angel1555

I had something to celebrate yesterday. I just hit 10 pounds of weight loss that I have been trying to lose for more than 15 years. I drove into the town and went to the market to get a few things. Next thing I knew I found myself in the candy aisle where I picked up a little package of chocolate and mint cups by Newman's Own and a bar of dark chocolate. Well, now that the gates were open I headed right over to the ice cream aisle and found my lovers, Ben and Jerry. I have been pining over for more than a week but I wouldn't let myself know their forbidden love. There it was: New York Super Fudge Chocolate Ice Cream, "Chocolate Ice Cream with White & Dark Fudge Chunks, Pecans, Walnuts & Fudge Covered Almonds."

I went to the checkout with my red lettuce, bran cereal, two chocolate bars and a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. (I came for the lettuce and cereal.)

There were three little chocolate cups with creamy mint in the middle of Pauls package of candy. I told myself, I will just have one on the way home and then I will reward myself with the other two a little later after I had accomplished a few things. I ate one then the other two. If I had had a spoon I would have pulled over and started on the ice cream.

So I walk into the house, get a spoon and start in on the New York Super Fudge Chocolate ice cream right out of the carton. It was a little too melted for my taste by then but that didn't slow me down. Now by then I my blood sugar was already going a little crazy from the chocolate mint patties but that didn't deter me. I scooped the chunks of white chocolate and other gooey stuff onto my spoon and went to town. I am starting to feel a little bit miserable and tell myself that this is the last bite but after I swallow the taste remains in my mouth and I must have another. I started out thinking the same thing about the ice cream that I thought about the chocolate mint cups, that I would save it and reward myself a little at a time. Oh how naive of me! I can't stop once I get started.

Then a few little rational thoughts crept in. I can't moderate this. I will eat this whole pint of ice cream in the next few hours. I have worked too hard to lose those pounds. I took my last bite, walked to the sink and ran water into the remaining half pint so that I wouldn't be tempted to eat it as it sat melting in the sink.

Today I feel satisfied. I had really been wanting that ice cream. I thought about it every day. I don't even feel guilty about eating it or throwing it away. It was just damn good and just what the doctor ordered. The dark chocolate bar I "hid" from myself in the drawer underneath the whole wheat crackers where it waits for me. Tomorrow I will be sober for 30 days, but I satisfied my urge to celebrate yesterday.

PurpleKnight

I wouldn't worry about "ice cream moderation"!!

Great job on 30 Days!!

HeartsAfire

Way to go on all fronts - the weight loss & sobriety. I had my own go 'round with a pint of B&J's Phish Food on Fri. night so I can relate!

It struck me as I was reading this that an addict mind is an addict mind no matter what path we take to get our high. I've been very cognizant this time around of how & when I try to trade one addiction for another (mainly sugar & food or working out for alcohol). It's all very interesting to me the way an addict mind works.

Great post! Thanks!

Angel1555

So true hearts. It has been easier for me to give up wine that sweets. Although I have done well on not eating junk food I sure have been craving the sweet stuff!

biminiblue

I have stopped fooling myself that any sugary treats will be eaten moderately.

Same with those crackers. Or bread. Or that cereal (well, maybe not so much with bran cereal.)

There is compulsion to my eating when it is certain foods.

I've had to stop buying them except when I've decided to eat the whole pack.

Once a week I skip a meal and have junk food instead. It's the only way I've found to keep the eating in check. *lesigh* This compulsive behavior with food started when I was probably six years old.

~Hi, I'm Bim and I'm an addict~

IOAA2

OMG the identification is so strong with so much of your post!
The positive thing is I never heard of many losses due to a relapse using B&J. I’ve reformed and only reward myself with 1 pint of B&J once a month from a pint a day reward when I sobered up. I was only switching to another addiction, healthier but not healthy.

BE WELL

ReadyAtLast

Love this post!

I'm 20 months sober and have times when I still eat lots of ice cream -summer is a great excuse. Anything is better than drinking

Angel1555

I should have added that I was quite hungry, having only eaten a bowl of cream of wheat in the morning and by then it was almost 3 pm. I was also upset over a falling out with a friend. Vulnerable to HALT a little?

biminiblue

Yeah, I have to keep to a food schedule in order to keep compulsive or emotional eating under control.

If I have an emotional day, I am way more prone to over eating sugar. It hits those dopamine thingys in my brain the same way alcohol did. Makes me feel temporarily better.

"MindfulLiving" is such a good username. It is all about that, after all.

Angel1555

HeartsAfire, your quote really speaks to me. Ok with you for me to borrow it?


"She knew this transition was not about becoming someone better, but about finally allowing herself to become who she'd always been."

HeartsAfire

Of course!

least

Congrats on the first of many sober months.

pumpkinny

Congrats! You deserved a tasty reward!

happyandfree

Congratulations on 30 days and 10 lbs. You deserve an occasional treat! I chuckled when I read how you put the rest of the ice cream down the drain. ...I've done that too.

LBrain

You're killing me. Almost 2 weeks since I had ice cream. Now I'm on the whole 30.
Just having my first snack - raw cashew and almonds.
I would love a banana split right now.

Congrats on 10 lbs. Celebrate away.