Day one
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Hitting par here and now
Posts: 11
Day one
Yesterday I broke three weeks of hard earned sobriety and the guilt and shame and sense of failure, frustration, etc., is tough. For whatever reasons, guess I have always had a high tolerance for alcohol, even though I knocked back quite a few, am only mildly hungover, mostly just having a "guilt-over." It wasn't like the night was a total failure: there's a painting completed that's interesting.
Last night I woke agitated and sweaty at 3 am and joined SR. Which is a big deal for me, as am a go it alone type, having issues with authority and higher-powers. Strength and weakness maybe? It worked for 15 years once, but not this time, as this is my third failed effort to stop.
So this morning am drinking tea instead of coffee. A hopeful first step toward a sober day, as am sensitive to coffee's effects and being over-stimulated later in the day is one of the "reasons" I will use to have a beer "to take the edge off." One of a growing number of reasons I use to rationalize drinking.
Started drinking in high school, slowly building, then stopped (on my own) in my early 30's, 20 years ago and went 15 + years sober (see above). Was into fitness: raced bicycles, ran, hiked and most of my social contact was in those venues. Normal social interaction, in "polite society," was/is challenging for me, and am better when there is the distraction of elevated pulses keeping people honest.
Then, nearly 3 years ago went in for a sports-med procedure for a mildly bum knee and had a very bad result. 6 months post-op, was having a hard time just walking and was told I could have a knee-replacement if I wanted one. I didn't. Is this why I started drinking again, to cope with a sudden devastating loss of physicality and the loss of my usual social connections, or am I just another alcoholic always looking for good reason? Probably the latter now, as my knee has improved over the last year, but not my drinking habits.
Sorry for the long post. Am hoping joining this forum and the act of writing these words will lend me a little accountability, while offering me the opportunity to start understanding, on a deeper level, the complications of my disease.
Last night I woke agitated and sweaty at 3 am and joined SR. Which is a big deal for me, as am a go it alone type, having issues with authority and higher-powers. Strength and weakness maybe? It worked for 15 years once, but not this time, as this is my third failed effort to stop.
So this morning am drinking tea instead of coffee. A hopeful first step toward a sober day, as am sensitive to coffee's effects and being over-stimulated later in the day is one of the "reasons" I will use to have a beer "to take the edge off." One of a growing number of reasons I use to rationalize drinking.
Started drinking in high school, slowly building, then stopped (on my own) in my early 30's, 20 years ago and went 15 + years sober (see above). Was into fitness: raced bicycles, ran, hiked and most of my social contact was in those venues. Normal social interaction, in "polite society," was/is challenging for me, and am better when there is the distraction of elevated pulses keeping people honest.
Then, nearly 3 years ago went in for a sports-med procedure for a mildly bum knee and had a very bad result. 6 months post-op, was having a hard time just walking and was told I could have a knee-replacement if I wanted one. I didn't. Is this why I started drinking again, to cope with a sudden devastating loss of physicality and the loss of my usual social connections, or am I just another alcoholic always looking for good reason? Probably the latter now, as my knee has improved over the last year, but not my drinking habits.
Sorry for the long post. Am hoping joining this forum and the act of writing these words will lend me a little accountability, while offering me the opportunity to start understanding, on a deeper level, the complications of my disease.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR! Congratulations on your decision to give sober living a shot. 
There are many paths to sobriety. You may want to check the Secular Connections forum for information on some that may appeal to you.
Best of Luck on Your Journey! You can do this!
There are many paths to sobriety. You may want to check the Secular Connections forum for information on some that may appeal to you.
Best of Luck on Your Journey! You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Good luck to you. I am on day 3 and also joined on my first day. I have stopped more times than I could ever count, but with the support I have already found here in just a few short days I feel like this time I really might be able to stick with sobriety. Take some time to read around, it really helped me. Congratulations on your first day!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 106
Welcome! A "guiltover" thats so realistic. Youve done it before, you CAN do it again. You just have to change the way you think about alcohol. (I'm still working on that, very new to this) I've read so much on here and gotten so many different ideas and it totally taught me what I'm doing wrong. Im sure you'll find a ton of support, and learn from people who were in your exact situation. Congratulations on making the decision to get sober!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Welcome H20,
Wow, I've had lot's of 'guiltovers' and the hangovers actually got a lot worse as I got older too. I'm glad you're here and I know you can do this. Find a program that works for you and then give it all you've got!
Wow, I've had lot's of 'guiltovers' and the hangovers actually got a lot worse as I got older too. I'm glad you're here and I know you can do this. Find a program that works for you and then give it all you've got!
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