notready2giveup

I'm really struggling and I really don't know what to do. He got a payout in November and has literally blow about $90,000 on drugs. He started selling pills and speed as a quick way to make back his money and he did it behind my back and when I found out he was lying to me I got really upset and he told me that he would stop. Eventually after catching him out over and over again and going through the whole "why do you keep lying to me" thing, I gave up and said whatever do whatever the f*** you want but once this baby is born you aren't selling drugs or taking them. Because I was working 38h a week at the start i was so oblivious. He told me he was sleeping all day when I was at work and whenever i came home from work he would leave to go and "sell drugs" and wouldn't come back until after I was asleep. and then I would wake up during the middle of the night and he would be awake. One of his friends snapped out of it one day and told me that he had been smoking ice for the past 2 weeks and selling it for a longer period of time and he was scared because he was getting really bad. So i moved all my things out of our house and into my mums but I was so worried about him and I wanted him to know how much I care about him so I came back to see him 3 days later and he convinced me that he wouldn't do it anymore and I helped him through the coming down phase, and he started smoking pot again which he said he needed to help him sleep. I said whatever you've quit it before I know you can do it again so whatever helps go for it. Now he smokes pot full time and the other day I found out he was smoking ice again I'm due to give birth in 5 days so I told him that the only condition was that if he ever lied to me again or smoked ice again that I would leave him. He said he understood that but keeps proving me wrong. So i kicked him out about 2 weeks ago and he came back a couple of days ago because he was 'ready to talk to me and try to work things out' and once again he gave me false hope and told me he wouldn't take drugs again especially not for the rest of the pregnancy because I told him I want him to be there for the birth but not if he's on drugs. Ever since then i've been trying to contact him to get him to come and continue to work things out with me but he's ignored me for the past few days and then finally answered his phone once and told me that he was smoking ice again. I really don't know how to help him I just want our old relationship back but I'm scared he won't stop smoking it until he's addicted and its too late. He won't go to a counsellor and I don't know what to do! PLEASE help me!

least

For the sake of your baby, I'd move on from this guy. He's being dishonest and doing drugs. You and your baby deserve a stable home, which he's obviously not able to provide. Your baby should be your first concern. He's an adult and will do as he wants. Doesn't sound like a good environment to be raising a baby.

Anna

You can't do anything to make him stop. And, he likely is addicted and will need to decide on his own to seek treatment if and when he wants it.

You need to focus on yourself, your health and baby-to-be. You will have your hands full with a new baby and taking care of things. My advice is to take the focus off him and put it on yourself and your baby, where it belongs.

suki44883

You can't help him and right now, your focus needs to be on yourself and that beautiful baby you are about to have. He won't stop using until he is ready and, unfortunately, there's nothing you or anyone else can do to make him ready.

Do you have any family close by that you can stay with for a while? It would be better than bringing your new baby home to chaos and active addiction. Please let your BF do whatever he is going to do anyway and focus on your child. That baby needs you.

soberjuly

You don't want to raise a kid about this. Trust me, babies are a ton of work and when you've been up every 2 hours around the clock (for days/weeks/months), this is the last thing you want to deal with.

I don't know what "ice" is...oh crystal meth? I had to Google the phrase.

Once you have the responsibility of a baby, you will resent your irresponsible, addict BF.

Another thought, addicts usually have addict friends. You don't want that around your kid. Use the baby as a reason to create a new life for the 2 of you (meaning you and baby).

Clementina

Notready2giveup,

I can't even imagine what you must be going through! I would be going out of my mind. It sounds like he's someone you've depended upon for support during your pregnancy, and now ****'s really hitting the fan right as you're about to give birth.

Maybe that's a gift in disguise though. Maybe it's time for him to go.

It's so easy for people on the outside to tell you to move on. But when you're on the inside, it's excruciating to let go. And then when your partner gets you pregnant, in my experience at least, there is a whole other layer of attachment that forms.

For your own sake and for the sake of your baby, how much more are you willing to take? He has lied to you repeatedly. He has made promises to you, and he has broken them. You set your boundaries--no more lies or ice or you'd leave him--but he broke that boundary. He isn't trying to get better. It sounds like he isn't preparing to be a father to your beautiful child (is he?)

If he is there for your childbirth, can you even trust him not to be on drugs?

Would he choose you and your baby over drugs?

Would he make a good father? The kind of father your baby deserves? The kind of loving, supportive partner you could rely on to help you raise another human being?

You seem like a really amazing person, and I can tell that you will be an incredible mother. You are about to enter a new phase of life, you are about to meet a new love of your life. I say give your love and energy to your baby. And what's left, give it to yourself. It really sounds to me like this guy is just taking your loving energy and running off with it.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

Your priority needs to be YOU and your unborn child, it might be time to think about where exactly this relationship is going? is this the environment you want to raise a child in? it might be time to move on!!

LBrain

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. The first thing that came to my mind was dump that chump. I know it's difficult and this is a very trying time for you.
Others have already given opinions, but it boils down to your realization and sanity. Do what's best for you and your child. Focus on that. In the mean time...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ABh3ZW39vk

Fly N Buy

Wow, sorry for this mess - Glad you reached out. There's a lot of good sobriety here and honest help. Your BF may actually be telling you the truth when he say's he will quit. BUT, he is sick and simply cannot stop. It's what we do......until the wall.

Children are a blessing from God. THAT child is your only concern at this point!!!

prayers for all
peace

sober4m

Agreed with the other replies. Drug addicts can't be helped. They have to hit rock bottom and decide to stop from the bottom of his heart. I don't have experience with pot addicts, but meth can be extremely addictive. The first 1-2 times it's OK, but if you do it more than 2 times you won't be able to stop. Considering he probably has addict friends as well, he won't stop until he's hit rock bottom.

Is it possible to move him to another place so he can't contact dealers? Can he stay with family in another state?

In the time being I would steer clear from him so your baby can be raised ina safe environment.