Lilly88

Hi all...I look at this forum most days..rarely post though which I think is how I have got back here again. I managed 30days and boom the bringe drinking started again. Last month I have been off and on binge drinking (started just a few here and there and then it lead to all night...blackouts) during the weekends/weekdays. My last drink was 3 days ago and I have managed to get through the weekend without a drink. However my last binge has left me with severe anxiety and I don't know how to handle it. :-( I just wish I could drink normal. I'm so fed up of this. When will the anxiety stop? I know I need to stop drinking completely. It's that first drink I need to work on not drinking. I have been to a couple of aa meetings before but didn't really take to them. I can't go to any others because they are during my work hours. Is there anything else I can do? Right now I can't sleep. The fear I am still feeling after 3 days is awful!

PurpleKnight

Hey Lilly, for me I really needed to accept that abstinence doesn't cure or fix me, drinking "normally" or in "moderation", that ship had sailed a long time ago and that option was off the table. I went round in circles testing that experiment out though and wasted so much time reaching that realisation, don't do the same!!

3 days is fantastic, you can build on that, you don't need to do anything other than not drink today, that's all you need to do, then tomorrow do the same, the initial period of time can be tough, put I promise it gets better if you push through, the withdrawals will fade in time and your sleeping will adjust!!

You can do this!!

least

Overwhelming anxiety is very common in early recovery. Especially during withdrawal, which can last several days. With more sober time the anxiety will ease up. As to never drinking again, CarolD used to say that to succeed you had to want to be sober more than you want to drink.

It wasn't until I wanted to be sober more than anything else that I stayed sober. It is possible. Just don't have the first drink.

AcceptingChange

Hi Lilly,
I know how that feels, that anxiety is awful. It eats away my stomach, i can't concentrate, and all i want to do is run away. It's horrible. A few days of that, and i'm ready to try anything, and i don't care about the day after. I fool myself into thinking that if i can just get rid of this immediate anxiety, then everything will be alright.
But alcohol isn't the cure, it's cause of the problem. Alcohol creates the anxiety, and it tricks you into feeding more of it's anxiety producing self by covering over the anxiety for a few hours so that you'll keep pouring more of it into you. The real cause of your anxiety is the alcohol, the very thing you feel is solving the problem. Your brain is sensitive, and when you pour the drug alcohol in your body, it messes with your brain, and your brain goes crazy. This doesn't happen to everyone, but it happens to you and to me too. If you've got anxiety, you need to use medication that works, something your doctor can prescribe after an examination, such as Prozac or Wellbutrin. The over-the-counter medication you're using (alcohol) only makes the problem worse. So please get this treated by going to the doctor, otherwise you're just making the problem worse.

Lilly88

Hi guys! Thanks for replying and for the advice. You are both so right. I need to stop toe torturing myself with these small tests that I can drink again. I need to face the facts me and alcohol will NEVER get on!

Those are very wise words and I do want to be sober more than drunk. It's just so difficult! Everything I do seems to be around alcohol! I need a lifestyle change! I don't even remember what I enjoy anymore...

I guess like you say I have the 3 days to work on now. Need to make sure I keep posting on here. It's nice to have this forum...makes me feel not alone

Lilly88

Hi AcceptingChange...thanks for your reply. The anxiety is just the worse! I can't think about anything else. Nearly had a full blow panic attack this afternoon. If I still have it in the morning I will be going to the dr. I'm feeling so paranoid about everything. I'm feeling a tiny bit better already to be honest just having you guys to talk to so thanking you for that

soberjuly

I had horrible anxiety after I quit, I only quit 2 weeks ago, or 16 days, but anyhow I had mood swings and panic attacks. Slowly life is slowing down and I realize now that the alcohol was not only creating anxiety but making it worse. I still have periods of anxiety but I am learning to deal with it without reaching for the bottle.

Lilly88

How are you dealing with the anxiety soberjuly?

soberclover

The anxiety does go away. Try to arrange your schedule as such so you can stay home if possible. Talking with your doc is a good idea; be really honest about how alcohol is playing in to this. If you talk about the anxiety and not about your issues with alcohol; your doc can't adequately diagnose you. I also suggest individual counseling with an addiction counselor that you can be really honest with. I also suggest posting on SR and letting people support you

Lilly88

Thanks soberclover. Unfortunately I can't change my schedule I must go to work tomorrow but I seem to do ok at work. Keeps me busy takes my mind off everything for a while. Where would I find individual counselling? Is that something my dr could help me with?

I will be posting on here regularly. I'm going to try try and even more try so much to do this. It helps so much! I'm scared to tell my dr about my drinking though and would this go on any kind of record that my work would find out?

Dee74

Hi Lily

you've already proved that you can go without alcohol for a while...now you need to make that permanent.

Think about what else you could do for your recovery - I know it's hard to hit meetings etc - but if you don;t put your recovery first, you're putting everything else at risk.

I'm not saying more meetings are the answer, just that you need to make sobriety a priority - maybe a little more time spent here could help? or some online meetings - AA SMART and LifeRing all have them....

can you think of any other ideas? some lifestyle changes maybe?

D

LadyinBC

Not sure where you are Lily, but we do have online meetings here Tuesdays & Fridays they start at 9:00 pm EST. Those meetings are a lifesaver for me and you can find them in chat.

neferkamichael

Lilly88, 3 days is FANTASTIC, congratulations. Lilly I was a drunk for 42 years and I am now 4 years sober, so you can do it too. Stay positive and believe you can quit. You've got 3 days so make it a goal to have 4 days. Do your best to live in the present moment. Go ahead and accept the fact it is going to be a frustrating experience and just suffer through it, be kind to yourself. Rootin for ya.

Lilly88

Hi Dee thanks for the reply. You are right, my sobriety needs to comes first. I have never wanted something so much right now. More time on here will definatley help me. Online meetjns is something I would very much be interested in! Will do some research...

Lifestyle change is a big one that needs to be addressed! Everything I do involves alcohol. I guess I need to be honest with my friends and family (to be honest I can tell they all know I have a problem just worried to bring it up with me) I need them to know I am serious this time. I need to find a hobby and some sort of distraction. If I don't sort this out now I KNOW I will be heading for a very sad lonely life

Thanks again for all advice! I feel bad for not posting before now...forgot how lovely and warming everyone is

Lilly88

Hi ladyinBC I am based in London. So is that 9pm uk time?

mesmith2

Get a massage. If you can afford to. Or steam room or hot shower. Deep breaths. Lay still. Stretch. I'm on day five so I know how you are feeling.
Helped me tremendously yesterday. Best wishes.

PurpleKnight

Works out about 2am here in UK/Ireland Lilly, can be quite late, but in early Sobriety, I wasn't sleeping much anyway!!

There's one on Friday too, same time, if you're off work on Sat!!

Dee74

SMART Recovery - SMART Recovery UK

Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd - Home

LifeRing UK » The LifeRing Home Page

D

Lilly88

Thanks :-)

Will be up for the Friday one! How do I get onto the group?

LadyinBC

Since Dee is posting other links .

Also there is Women for Sobriety, they also have a forum and a chat meeting. Not sure of the times though.

You can find the forum here: Women for Sobriety, Inc.