CAFitGirl

This has always been my problem since I was a little girl. I never wanted to go to bed if something exciting was happening and now I still hate to miss out on anything. I'm out of state visiting my ailing Father and I've been sober now for 6 days. I know I have a problem with alcohol and drugs. I know I can't be around those things for awhile to stay strong. But, as I'm here getting ready for bed on a Saturday night, all I can think about it the fun my Husband is having without me at home. I hate that I can't be there drinking and partying win everyone for our friend's 40th Bday. How can I be so selfish thinking about that while my poor Father is sick here with Cancer? What the hell is wrong with me?

Dee74

I think a lot of us can identify with you CAFitGirl.

FOMO was a big thing for me too.

I don't know you very well so please understand I'm only speaking from my own perspective.

I was 40 but my emotional development had halted dead somewhere in my teens. My self esteem was dependent on who liked me, how much of a friend circle I had, and how hard I painted the town red.

I found that being sober was a pretty steep learning curve on finally growing up.
I thought I'd hate it, but I really liked being the adult. I still do

In your case tho, I think you can cut yourself some slack - having a parent gravely ill is a terrible thing to deal with - thoughts of escape must be pretty natural in those circumstances, and your addictive self is playing that for all it's worth.

I lost a dear friend to melanoma not too long ago.
Be the grown up. You'll look back and be glad you did

D

Mimij

Gee, I kind of think it would be nice if you husband had stayed home with you. But that is just me. You did the right thing. Other people don't have to acknowledge this for it to be true. Your feelings are just feelings. They will pass. You can be mad or disappointed, and still do the right thing. Good for you!