Kys

Just felt like I should post.

Sober evening and just riding those emotional waves that I do when I have a clear head, to be honest, after a few days drinking.

By a few days drinking I mean a few drinks each night. This isn't a measuring contest for me though - when booze is present in whatever measure it's extremely difficult for me to have a clear head - I know what it's done, does and can do... If that makes sense. I'll add that I wasn't drinking consecutive nights, if only so those here who have helped know things aren't what they were.

Best to all of you.

doggonecarl

For some of us, any alcohol is too much. Why are you drinking at all, Kys? Seems that the emotional rebound of even a few drinks is getting to you.

Wish you could embrace sobriety.

Kys

Listening to music, going to get a coffee soon.

Times like this, couldn't think of anything worse than alcohol.

Crisp air, shop windows, there's a whole world out there.

Kys

Thanks Doggonecarl.

It's obsessiveness.

By that I mean I'm obsessive. It's part if my nature, it always be, I'm continuously working on how to best manage it.

Nonsensical

Drinking alcohol made me obsess about alcohol. It was only after several months of sobriety that I realized this and remembered what it was like to NOT obsess about alcohol. I will never give that freedom up. Never. I highly recommend it.

Kys

Thanks NS

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Kys, you back re committed to Sobriety then?

Kys

Yes PK, it's what I want with no grey area or buts about it.

Hevyn

Kys, It's good to see you - I'm really glad you posted.

Every time I tried to find the fun in it again - I was disappointed. In my heart I knew I had to stop & it would never be the relaxing escape it had been long ago. I'd crossed the line from social to alcoholic drinking & there was no going back. It was actually a relief to get free of it. You can do it.

Kys

Thanks Hevyn, good words.

Going through some of the anxiety that goes with quitting again. Reason enough to not pick up the bottle again as not not have to go through this again.

Dee74

I don't think you should allow yourself to passive accept this as 'the way things are'.
Most of us are obsessive - me included

I channelled my obsessional drinking energy into not drinking and recovery.

It's not impossible...in fact I transitioned fairly easily...

you just need to make the decision that you're done...for good

That's the hard bit.

Do you feel you're ready to make that kind of declaration Kys?

D

Kys

I shouldn't accept it's the way things are and always will be, thanks for the comforting reminder.

To be honest, I don't know if I'm ready, as much as I know that it's extremely difficulty to really move on with life until I am ready.

I'm ready to change though, I know that. I never used to buy into negative thoughts so quickly and easily (not just drinking either).

Nonsensical

Fantastic!

Make changes. I spent decades waiting for change to ride a lightning bolt out of the sky and hit my big buttocks. Never happened.

Change = Action

You got this.

Kys

Thanks NS. Been sober since I wrote this and with very few thoughts of drinking, at least not ones I couldn't quickly manage.

Sober thoughts are very much out weighting the torturous drinking ones. Can just be unsettling that negative thoughts can sometimes hit big and out of nowhere.

To the above though I really needs to remind myself that remaining an overly obsessive person isn't how things have to be. Years ago I did really well bringing those positive changes into my life (I wasn't much of a drinker, if at all). I did this under the same psychologist I'm seeing now, only 'now' I think I've become too complacent and underestimated things. Again, I've booked a series of sessions and taken a series of afternoons off work once a week to go - I could go after work but liked that I always had 'my afternoon' to look forward to, and I've got so much leave built up at work.

I used to often refer to all the notes I made as reminders about obsessiveness from those sessions over years, until I lost them when my PC crashed - I want to say lol (and it kind of is funny/ironic) but even that bought about some obsessiveness ("The notes were part of my recovery, I don't have the notes, and so I can't do this!").

Thanks for your responses guys, really appreciating the perspective, and hard questions.