Government warning!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,978
Government warning!
Hello,
This is my first post. I'm very new to recovery but doing well. The following is about the past and although serious I like to look at the world with humor when I can. I'm just sorry it took me so long to understand just how bad things had gotten. Feel free to add to the list if you like.
Wish you all the best.
GOVERNMENT WARNING: (1) According to the Surgeon General, women should not drink alcoholic beverages during pregnancy because of the risk of birth defects. (2) Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems. (3) According to an Alcoholic, signs you might have a problem with this product include but are not limited too the following:
1. Hands shaking so badly that using a spoon results in more food on your shirt and lap than in your mouth. (Chopsticks are out of the question)
2. Going to the ER convinced you are having a heart attack or carbon monoxide poisoning and finding neither. (The shot of Ativan they gave you miraculously cures all except the $5000 bill)
3. Coming to the realization that you can’t get a breakfast burrito at the McDonald drive through because it is 7pm and not 7am.
4. Falling backwards across the whole length of your living room onto the fireplace, falling asleep and waking up the next day with your shirt stuck to your open back wound.
5. “Someone” keeps drinking all the liquor.
6. Repeatedly falling off your motorcycle while stopped at stop signs.
7. Taking a dump in your pants on your friends couch and sitting in it because if you move you WILL throw up. (Your friend never looked at you the same way again)
8. Your friend is pissed at you because he got arrested for fighting with the cops. (It was your responsibility to keep him out of trouble)
9. You can’t figure out why you get debilitating heartburn every time you take a shot of 100 proof on an empty stomach.
This is my first post. I'm very new to recovery but doing well. The following is about the past and although serious I like to look at the world with humor when I can. I'm just sorry it took me so long to understand just how bad things had gotten. Feel free to add to the list if you like.
Wish you all the best.
GOVERNMENT WARNING: (1) According to the Surgeon General, women should not drink alcoholic beverages during pregnancy because of the risk of birth defects. (2) Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems. (3) According to an Alcoholic, signs you might have a problem with this product include but are not limited too the following:
1. Hands shaking so badly that using a spoon results in more food on your shirt and lap than in your mouth. (Chopsticks are out of the question)
2. Going to the ER convinced you are having a heart attack or carbon monoxide poisoning and finding neither. (The shot of Ativan they gave you miraculously cures all except the $5000 bill)
3. Coming to the realization that you can’t get a breakfast burrito at the McDonald drive through because it is 7pm and not 7am.
4. Falling backwards across the whole length of your living room onto the fireplace, falling asleep and waking up the next day with your shirt stuck to your open back wound.
5. “Someone” keeps drinking all the liquor.
6. Repeatedly falling off your motorcycle while stopped at stop signs.
7. Taking a dump in your pants on your friends couch and sitting in it because if you move you WILL throw up. (Your friend never looked at you the same way again)
8. Your friend is pissed at you because he got arrested for fighting with the cops. (It was your responsibility to keep him out of trouble)
9. You can’t figure out why you get debilitating heartburn every time you take a shot of 100 proof on an empty stomach.
I'm glad you joined us. 
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