EyesOfAStranger

So today begins day 14 off of opiates for me, and I guess the honeymoon is over already. I just feel totally blah. Tired, unmotivated, depressed, and bitchy. I should be happy, thrilled!

Up until a few days ago, I was really motivated and "excited" about my recovery. On days off I would make sure to get up, get dressed, go out and move around as much as I could (physically I'm limited to the amount of activity I can do), be excited to make it through another day.

But now.....meh, not so much. I don't know, I guess getting clean was almost a "rush" itself at first, now I guess it's just life. Just wish I could get excited again....maybe I will. I think this might be normal around this time frame, but not sure. Just wish I knew what to do to light that spark again. Cause right now I could honestly care less. And that stinks.

The good news is I'm not having any urges or thoughts to use again, heck - I'm not having any thoughts at all.

trachemys

They tell me withdrawal can last weeks, months, years depending on the person and the substance. What you're feeling sounds pretty normal for the course.

In my short 19 days abstinent I've had what I call "flatline" days and moments. I use those moods to do the mundane stuff of life: dishes, laundry, housework.

PurpleKnight

Your body and mind won't adjust in only a few weeks, it's gonna take time for everything to level out and your body to not need what it has always had.

Give it time and hang in there, things will improve!!

Croissant

Early recovery has many highs and lows. Not sure if you are familiar with "Pink Cloud" in recovery...just google away.

What you are describing sounds pretty normal. Frustrating, disheartening....but normal, nonetheless.

Recovery teaches us many things...patience is one of them. I was and still am, a very impatient person, so yes, I wanted nothing to do with the downside of recovery! I wanted a quick fix...just like I did with my addiction.

How the Mind and Body Changes During Addiction Recovery | Drug Rehab in Northern CA | Drug Rehab in Northern CA

dwtbd

At times like that, the blah bored not sure what to do times, I have found that if you can manage it and are disposed to it the f word can be very helpful. Of course obviously it isn't always socially acceptable and depending on physical condition and maybe age in general positioning is important, I tend have problems with my elbows and ankles. But , especially on the weekends , I find the f word to be helpful, if for nothing else than to help pass time.
Sometimes I just gotta get me, fiction

EndGameNYC

Don't miss the excitement that came with waking up on my neighbor's lawn, half-naked; puking in the street; not remembering what I did at work the day before; being rushed to the ER on multiple occasions; playing goalkeeper against various household items launched by my ex-girlfriend; being surrounded my members of the NYPD after falling out of a second-story window several hours earlier; being told to clean out my desk, and that my services were no longer required...and several other walks of shame.

The excitement I now experience is much more quiet, and I've never been happier.

Nonsensical

At 2 weeks sober it would be abnormal to feel excited or thrilled. Google "anhedonia and addiction" if you want to know why.

Happiness will return -just be patient (something not too many alcoholics are good at!)

HeadLump

Stick with it, Stranger and keep your eyes on the prize. You've come through much worse than this!

The sober train will pass through tunnels, but when you get to the station, the scenery will astonish you!

Nuudawn

The best advice I have read yet about one's first year of sobriety is...buy yourself a nice new pair of pajama's cuz you'll be in them...alot.
This is recovery is its' truest sense. We are doing ourselves a disservice if we believe we are just going to roll right back into life with wings on our shoes. In the beginning there is often a bit of a "quit high". We are a little smug and self satisfied...then the work of starts rolling in. The feature and benefits of sobriety are subtle but constant and progressive. They are not big cymbal crashing euphoric events. We learn to live. Are minds are in constant repair. New neurons are firing. Emotions are surfacing...leaving us often exhausted and lethargic. Life is work...work we are unaccustomed to. Remember when we first learned to drive? Remembering everything we had to do was mind boggling. Gosh now we just climb in and it's all from rote. We can go miles unconscious of what we are actually doing... all the inner workings and motions in play.

The thing about life is it is everchanging..both our emotions and the events in it.Some days in sobriety are a joyful breeze...some days take work. We have to earn our keep in Soberland.

I heard something last night on a program I was watching. A guy was talking to a friend who wanted to throw in the towel on life...end it all. The guy says...we don't OWN life..it's not their for our pleasure and enjoyment..to do our bidding. We PARTICIPATE in it. We work at it. We earn our keep. Made sense to me.

MIRecovery

Recovery is a journey not a destination. I needed to rebuild a shattered life. I needed new friends, new activities, a new spirituality. Recovery is about change. If I had tried to live my old life and simply removed alcohol and drugs I never would have made it

There will be good days and bad but each day sober means your a success

EyesOfAStranger

Thanks all - you are all right. I felt much better than I expected to earlier on, so I guess I was hoping it would keep up. Foolish I know. Can't reverse all those years in two weeks. It's just amazing how different you can feel day to day, heck moment to moment!

I'll tell you what does move quickly - at least for me, is how quickly my AV has me forgetting the bad parts of using. I was reading EndGame's post and at first thinking - well, that's a tough one for me. I never did anything I regretted while on pills, was always in control...yeah, the money I spent was bad but....and then the urges began. It wasn't so bad, go grab a couple you'll probably feel better. Ugh! I actually had to dig to remember the bad - the trying to find pills, trying to ration them, failing, getting dope sick, and then back to step one. No money, having to sneak around. How isolated and unsocial on them I became at the end. It's so strange how our addictions usually start because they make things so much better - and then out of nowhere they take that away and reverse it. So thank you EndGame, for making me dredge up the bad. Because oddly enough it is already fading away! Dang brain!

Well, since the craving was there I followed someone's advice I have read a few times - and I forget whose mantra it is so I apologize for not giving credit - but I went with the ICCC program.

Had my pity party. Read your messages. Had some ice cream. Got myself back on track. Thank you to everyone!