MythOfSisyphus

Dee is right- this is a change that will take time. In the meanwhile, consider the Consequence List. Maybe not scaring you, but what else might you add onto the list if you start again? What else do you still have that's worth losing? Don't wait til there are bodies on the list. On some level you have to know drinking is like scratching an itch vs letting the wound heal. One will never be enough, the release you get will only lead to things being worse next time. You will be even more disappointed and disgusted with yourself than you already were if you start again.

Alcoholism is progressive. It starts bad and gets awful. Instead of managing harms why not aim for something better? 41 days sober is a great start. You're probably getting close to enough sober time to "wake up" and see the life you could build. Give it a chance, don't throw away this opportunity to change.

charleesavedme

Hi Kevin - thank you for posting. There are a lot of us here who really care about you and are so glad you are here. I really would miss reading about your interesting breakfasts on the weekenders thread...

On a more serious note, it is really hard to stop drinking when it was the thing we did for so long. Dee is right (like always), I'm on the cusp of three months and it has gotten so much easier to make that daily decision not to drink. I can see my life changing in ways that are so positive and when I have those bad days, I can accept that it's just life and not a consequence of my drinking.

Please give sobriety more time. When you get paid, think about what you could do with your money other than drink it away. I have lived paycheck to paycheck for years and it's only since I stopped drinking that I can see (maybe) a possibility for savings.

I never feel very eloquent with words here, but I really hope that everyone's posts have helped you. We're on your side.

instant

After years of trying to string together a day or two- I once made it to 6 months and made an active decision to drink again............for one night only LOL.. After another few years of stuggling to string a day or two together I made 6 weeks- I was angry and stressed and drank. After another year of trying to string a day or two together I am now sober over three years.

Days sober are hard fought for. Sobreity is easy to lose and hard to get back.

PurpleKnight

Hey Kevin, for me accepting that the outcome of my drinking would be same no matter how long I had been Sober for was important, all those reasons why I quit would all come flooding back again by re introducing alcohol into my life.

I and you, probably feel great physically/mentally in some way since being Sober, this can cause us very easily to forget how drinking felt so many weeks go, but for me a period of abstinence hasn't cured or fixed me, if I started drinking now I'd be back to the same consequences that I first quit over, it would only be a matter of time.

So I guess really thinking about what alcohol is going to add to your life, verses how it led you to join a recovery website, having now achieved 41 Days Sober, is alcohol worth going back to?

HeadLump

I'm so pleased you posted, Kevin. There's clearly some part of you that wants to cling on to sobriety. It may be a tiny voice but listen to it - it wants the best for you.

I've quoted instant above because I think what he says is so important. It's one of the things that's stopped me in my tracks whenever I've toyed with the idea of drinking again - just how damn hard it would be to get back. And ultimately you'd have to get back as it's the only way.

The idea of celebrating pay-day with a few drinks on a sunny day sounds wonderful. But the storm clouds are gathering and once you've had that first sip you have no way of knowing when the sun will shine again. It's simply not worth it.

There was another thread yesterday about the benefits of not drinking (as opposed to the consequences). I think the title was something along the lines of 'Does it really get better without alcohol?' Maybe seeing long-term sobriety as embracing positives rather than avoiding negatives might help steel your resolve?

On a very selfish level, I don't want you to go back out just yet - we've only just become friends!

Stick with it. You know you want to

KAD

You and I quit about the same time. Over the years, I have stopped and started so often, sometimes for pretty significant lengths of time, and each time I went back to the bottle I regretted it. Not once did I feel like I'd made the right decision, and in recent years I am filled with deep regret from the very first drink. It's almost like I'm dragging myself kicking and screaming back to drinking, in spite of myself. I find myself longing for sobriety with much more intensity than I ever longed for a drink. Hang in there, Kevin. Don't blow this!

SnoozyQ

Hi Kevin don't do it !

You really don't want that's remorse the next morning . Waking up at 3 am with sweats ,the nausea , the hangover the vomitting



Don't do it mate xx

ReadyAtLast

It is easy to forget how bad it was. As time goes on though I find I prefer being sober. I still think about drinking but the longer time passes the less frequent and intense the thoughts are. 41 days is great but still very early on and your thoughts are very normal.

I relapsed twice at 45 days a couple of years ago so can relate. Always,I regretted it the next morning,even though I wasn't that bad.You will never wake up regretting NOT drinking.

It is harder to stop again each time I went back. I hope you reconsider -you will get through this, feel stronger and be proud of yourself for not drinking

ForgetfulKevin

Thank you all for your replies. I'll be reading this thread a few times, and celebrating that Saturday morning sober with coffee and birdsong as suggested above, maybe get a couple flavors of gourmet ice cream per the Trachemys/Weekenders plan.

I knew that posting before drinking (instead of after) was the right thing to do, so I made myself do it, not only for my sake but also in case the thread helped others in a similar position. I know I posted later than I should have, but luckily a lack of money helped with waiting it out.

This post might seem optimistic and rational now, but I was really focused on that other plan and that was fine with me at the time.

SnoozyQ

Good on ya Kev

doggonecarl

Glad to see you'll be staying in the class of June!

HeadLump

That's what's so scary - and that's why it was so brilliant that you found the motivation to post first

I think you've taught us all a lesson, my friend

Hawkeye13

I would give it more time.
You've made a great beginning at 41 days but there is much more
to being sober than stopping drinking.

Give yourself a chance to really experience your full life before you muffle it again with booze.

I never imagined I could live without alcohol either, but I don't miss it or want it at all now

anattaboy

Thanks kevin, I've been known to drink-first-screw-sharing in the past and your post drives home the power of doing the reverse.

Nuudawn

So glad to read this Kevin. I actually awoke for a short time at about 3:00 with a driving headache. I couldn't sleep so logged on here for a bit. I read your post and I so badly wanted to say something useful but I couldn't think through the headache. I went to this thread first thing on waking and am so glad to see how your perspective has changed. As Reisingwood just noted, you drove home the importance of posting before giving away your sobriety. Sometimes, a strong craving can absolutely blindside us. Thankfully, you used a tool at your disposal.

Just want to say I am really glad you are still with us.

soberclover

Awesome thread...thank you for starting! Whenever I find I want to drink I try to figure out WHY. WHY do you want to drink? For me, there is some void I have going on in my mind or body that I temporarily think alcohol will make better. I have found that the good stuff that happens in sobriety is when I can move beyond the thought of drinking and figure out a healthy, positive way to get my needs met. I suggest trying this sober-thing for a bit longer

aborkie

Well, since you don't have any money I would stop drinking.

KAD

And I admire you for that. It's something I could never bring myself to do. When I made the decision that, come hell or high water I was gonna drink again, the last thing I wanted was for someone to talk me out of it. Even though I always ended up wishing someone had.

ForgetfulKevin

Olive and Croissant, yeah, I put that in my username specifically to keep reminding me how forgetful I am about the consequences of drinking.

Payday weekend is the next one, and that "wrong-way" plan of a few days ago is hardly even a memory now.

SR helps incredibly much by filling my head with other, better thoughts -- helping to grow the mental mesh of sober me.

Cleomie

Don't
Do
It.
We need you here with us.