Do Not Get Complacent!
Not Alone
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Do Not Get Complacent!
Hopefully this helps someone keep their sobriety going. Even if it's only for another day, another minute, or even just 30 seconds.
I used to be an incredibly active member of this forum around two years ago. I'd just come home after a three month stay in a residential rehab and I was clean, I was sober, and I felt brilliant. I supported people on this forum and in my day to day life. I was what some people termed a productive member of society. I was always willing to lend someone a hand or an ear, or a shoulder to cry on.
I got clean in May 2012. I relapsed in January 2014. What caused my relapse? The thought keeps running around in my head. I haven't got any excuses this time. I relapsed because I wanted to. My addict wanted to. I wanted to get loaded and have a good time, so I did.
I started dating a university student in January of this year. I gave her the standard 'I don't drink' conversation and she accepted it. But on her 21st birthday we went out for dinner and then the student union with a load of her mates. I'd already consciously made the decision earlier that day that I could have a few pints because I was doing well in life. I had a decent job, a car and a roof over my head. What hadn't changed was me....my addict was still there.
A good friend in recovery once said to me that men go out and use again for the hunnies and the money....and it was true. That's what I did. What followed were late nights, hungover drives to work and hiding things from my family. All of the stuff I used to do.
I was never a HUGE drinker. I drank heavily but it wasn't my drug of choice. I kidded myself into thinking this was ok. And I still am. I'm currently on a work training course. I'm staying in a hotel and I'm having a drink to get myself to sleep....what a crock of s**t.
I got complacent. I thought I was ok. I'm not. I never was. It was always there. It never went away. It just got replaced with recovery. And then when I got bored of that the complacency and justification came in.
So this is for all the people with a few hours clean, a few days clean, or a few months clean. Don't pick up because it ain't f**king worth it. You'll regret it just as I have done. It seems so simple and justifiable at the time but the worst feeling in the world, at least for me, is the feeling you have directly after you pick up that first drink or drug.
Call a friend, go to a meeting, do whatever you do to keep yourself straight but don't pick up. Just don't do it. Don't waste the effort you put in. Don't waste the courage you had. Just keep going one day at a time.
Natom.
I used to be an incredibly active member of this forum around two years ago. I'd just come home after a three month stay in a residential rehab and I was clean, I was sober, and I felt brilliant. I supported people on this forum and in my day to day life. I was what some people termed a productive member of society. I was always willing to lend someone a hand or an ear, or a shoulder to cry on.
I got clean in May 2012. I relapsed in January 2014. What caused my relapse? The thought keeps running around in my head. I haven't got any excuses this time. I relapsed because I wanted to. My addict wanted to. I wanted to get loaded and have a good time, so I did.
I started dating a university student in January of this year. I gave her the standard 'I don't drink' conversation and she accepted it. But on her 21st birthday we went out for dinner and then the student union with a load of her mates. I'd already consciously made the decision earlier that day that I could have a few pints because I was doing well in life. I had a decent job, a car and a roof over my head. What hadn't changed was me....my addict was still there.
A good friend in recovery once said to me that men go out and use again for the hunnies and the money....and it was true. That's what I did. What followed were late nights, hungover drives to work and hiding things from my family. All of the stuff I used to do.
I was never a HUGE drinker. I drank heavily but it wasn't my drug of choice. I kidded myself into thinking this was ok. And I still am. I'm currently on a work training course. I'm staying in a hotel and I'm having a drink to get myself to sleep....what a crock of s**t.
I got complacent. I thought I was ok. I'm not. I never was. It was always there. It never went away. It just got replaced with recovery. And then when I got bored of that the complacency and justification came in.
So this is for all the people with a few hours clean, a few days clean, or a few months clean. Don't pick up because it ain't f**king worth it. You'll regret it just as I have done. It seems so simple and justifiable at the time but the worst feeling in the world, at least for me, is the feeling you have directly after you pick up that first drink or drug.
Call a friend, go to a meeting, do whatever you do to keep yourself straight but don't pick up. Just don't do it. Don't waste the effort you put in. Don't waste the courage you had. Just keep going one day at a time.
Natom.
Not Alone
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Period of abstinence shcmabstinence. I was one of the people who used to find it funny that people thought they could use after a prolonged period of abstinence. I'm not laughing now!!! A phrase that has stuck with me is that whilst your in meetings or staying clean your addict is outside in the car park doing push-ups and it's true. Don't give in to your addict. It's always out to get you. Just mug it off and stay sober.
Natom
Natom
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Natom.
Thank you for your post and reminding us to never put our guard down.
Just the other day I wondered how are doing, because haven't seen you posting for a long time.
Welcome back.
Thank you for your post and reminding us to never put our guard down.
Just the other day I wondered how are doing, because haven't seen you posting for a long time.
Welcome back.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
"I thought I was ok. I'm not. I never was. It was always there. It never went away."
Wise words Natom. I'm so happy you came back. I did the same thing years ago after 3 yrs. of sobriety. I started dating a person who didn't know my history, and decided to have a few glasses of wine. Off I went for 7 years of hell - until I found SR.
Thank you for a valuable post that will help many - me included. We are with you.
Wise words Natom. I'm so happy you came back. I did the same thing years ago after 3 yrs. of sobriety. I started dating a person who didn't know my history, and decided to have a few glasses of wine. Off I went for 7 years of hell - until I found SR.
Thank you for a valuable post that will help many - me included. We are with you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: orange county, CA
Posts: 19
Thank you very much for your words. I just relapsed after 3 months and I am very much struggling with wanting to drink again. I don't want to end up all the way back where I came from. I appreciate you sharing
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back Natom and thanks for the strong reminder. I went back out drinking after some prolonged sobriety back in 2012 myself with the same result...I was back to maintenance drinking in a matter of month or so. The good news is I got another chance and took it, now I've got about a year and a half under my belt again.
You know what to do...we are here for you too, just as you were for others. And you can be that helper of others again too.
You know what to do...we are here for you too, just as you were for others. And you can be that helper of others again too.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
I'm glad your back, Natom! Sorry about the circumstances. You and I joined SR at almost the exact same time! How are things now? Have to got back on the recovery train? I'm sorry you slipped but I'm glad you shared your story. It might help someone else.
I too like to lend an ear and a shoulder to lean on to the new members but in truth I benefit at least as much for the effort! I guess I need to stay just a little bit fearful, remember the danger if I ever start. Booze was my life in a lot of ways; every decision I made was organized around my need to drink. I never want to go back to those times again.
Be well, Natom. I hope you'll stick around SR.
I too like to lend an ear and a shoulder to lean on to the new members but in truth I benefit at least as much for the effort! I guess I need to stay just a little bit fearful, remember the danger if I ever start. Booze was my life in a lot of ways; every decision I made was organized around my need to drink. I never want to go back to those times again.
Be well, Natom. I hope you'll stick around SR.
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