Lyricchi

How many times have I come to this site, changed my sober date, and cried for help in the forums. After a year and a half in relapse - 90% of it in secret, I was found out last night after picking up family members, drunk, and erratically driving them home, denying I had been drinking all the while. I confessed this morning to the two of them. They're upset, understandably, and I'm scared. I don't want to kill anyone. I don't want to not see my niece and nephew anymore. I don't want to die drinking. But every time I come here, I feel that way. I need to stay stopped. I need to. I want it so badly and then like that -I want to drink more than I want to not. I feel myself drowning in this self-loathing and self-pity and shame.

I just can't do this anymore.

Prynne

Have you got somebody offline who can be your go-to support? I feel like that's the only thing that truly helps me away from this site. Of course, everyone is different.

Stoogy

That's a honest assessment and credit to you for that, we all get too the point where it can feel like a make or break moment, do you have any external support you can turn too?

trachemys

Why? You are no more responsible for or in control of your addiction than you are of you natural hair color. It sounds like you haven't grasped that, yet.

What you are responsible for and in control of is knowing that you can't control alcohol and continuing to drink.

Start trying every method and technique on these forums until you find what works for you. We're here to support you in that quest. C'mon, let's go.

doggonecarl

Maybe SR isn't enough. Maybe the occasional AA meeting isn't enough. So what is?

Have you thought about in-patient care? Rehab? Out-patient? Full immersion with AA (Sponsor and steps)? SMART? RR?

There are any number of recovery methods. But at some point the hard work in the trenches is you saying "no" to the drink and racking up the sober days.

Wishing you success.

ScottFromWI

Carl makes a very good point. What exactly are you doing other than coming to SR occasionally to work on your sobriety? It's not something that is just magically going to happen and poof - you dont' drinky anymore. AA is an option, many of the secular methods, rehab, detox, counseling, etc....or any combination of the above. It really doesn't matter what you do - but you have to do something, and do it every day. It does get much easier as you build sober time, but you have to find a plan that works and stick to it.

Your fears are very real though - people lose their homes, jobs, families and some even lose their lives to alcohol. It happens every day. You fortunately have a choice to kick it to the curb while you haven't lost those things though - be grateful for that and make positive change.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back!!