aasharon90

Family intervention got me in the doors
recovery and forever changed my life.

Support from family is important and
was in my own recovery. Understanding
as well as communication between all
in the family is also important for health
and well being.

It was explained to me that when one
in the family unit is sick with addiction,
all in the the family are affected by this
illness as well.

That is why they offer recovery programs
in the way of al-anon or alateen for those
in the family to take advantage of so everyone
can heal together with understanding and
communication.

My family understood I had a problem drinking
and needed a program of recovery to help me
not drink a day at a time. However, over time,
they did not understand why I needed to
continue on with my program if I wasn't
drinking any longer.

They thought I was using my recovery program
as a crutch or an excuse or whatever they called
it and assumed I didn't need it any longer.

It wasn't so much not drinking any longer
because the desire to pick up a drink was
gone, but was life itself I struggled with.
Living life on lifes terms is not that easy
for an alcoholic. For me, I wanted everything
to go my way and if some person, place or
thing didn't happen the way I wanted, id either
cop a resentment, hold a grudge, go on my
pity pot or whatever and for any alcoholic
not working or living a program of recovery
incorporated in their everyday life and affairs,
could and would slip, relapse, even die as a
result of those actions.

For me, staying connected in recovery
doing whatever I needed to do to avoid
consequences that would follow drinking,
I did. All to the best of my ability.

My little family unit ended up with me
being the only one living a recovery
program where as the others saw no
need for it because they were not addicts.

They all proceeded on with their busy
lives not skipping a beat but I felt we
all were on different plains.

Everyone life situations are different
but there is always solutions, healthy
solutions for all problems. Choose what
will work for you to achieve a good solid
recovery foundation to live upon that
will result in happiness, healthiness,
and honesty.

soberlicious

Your partner is a very different matter than the rest of the entire world. People who love each other very often make compromises, small sacrifices, and offer other loving supportive gestures as a matter of course. I don't think it's at all out of the ordinary, nor too much to ask for a partner to stand united. People without cancer often shave their heads in a show of solidarity with their loved ones. To show that ugliness cannot come between those who love each other.
If, in fact, alcohol is no big deal to him then giving it up wouldn't even be a question in this situation. The fact that he doesn't shows loud and clear that alcohol is a significant priority.

Verte

My husband still actively drinks with all of our drinking 'friends' and acquaintances. If he suggested that I relapse again for one night I would suggest to him that he would then need to ride out 100% of the unforeseeable consequences from that one night, no excuses. We could all start a good list here of what those consequences *might* be.

Two months into sobriety for myself, I know that I am one drink away from total and utter self destruction and it would not be pretty. Not to mention that the sound track to having one more drink begins with another Jerry Garcia on the mandolin song, "The Thrill is Gone".

Many more thrills to come, hey? Relapsing for one night sounds just so anti-climactic. Yawn. Hang in there. You and your husband are just doing the dance.

CristinaN

Thank you so much to everyone for y'all's advice!!!

Gilmer

My husband tried to get me to moderate, limiting my drinking to date night--but once I drank on date night, I'd drink all the rest of the week too. He is now my biggest supporter in my sobriety. He will ask my permission once in awhile to have a beer with the guys. He really doesn't enjoy alcohol, so for him it really is only one beer, just to be sociable.

hopeful4

I would be livid. Keep up your good work and good for you for not taking his suggestion to relapse "for one night." Making a comment like that shows he has no understanding of addiction at all. Maybe you could find a good book for him to read or encourage him to attend Alanon? Just a thought.

My Xhusband was the alcoholic in my life. I never ever drank around him and I never ever would have encouraged him to drink himself. I read on here a lot of spouses who continue to drink with a spouse in recovery. I think that is extremely selfish.

I hope you continue to work on YOU and stay on the right track with your recovery! Be proud you have made the decision to beat alcoholism.

CristinaN

You're right. I don't think he gets it at all so I try to give him some grace.
Having said that I do think it's a little selfish when he drinks around me all the time

Anna

That is tough Cristina, and I'm glad you see that you don't need to cave. Ultimately it's up to each of us to protect our recovery, but it helps if we have family support.

DJSobriety

Much like Gilmer, I totally cracked up when I read this.

Great quote, thank you for sharing.

FreeOwl

That's pretty lousy.

It's one thing to be unsupportive, but seems entirely a deeper challenge to have a spouse actively requesting you not honor your sobriety.

Sounds like it's time for a very serious conversation...

CristinaN

I talked with him and he didn't drink last night. He doesn't totally get it but he's trying and I don't think he'll be asking me to drink again.

Thanks for all your responses.

FreeOwl

that's good!! I'm glad to hear you took that step and that hopefully he's going to be more aligned to your needs going forward.

Croissant

Thank you for sharing, Serenidad. In the beginning of sobriety, I'd read a story like yours and probably think no, surely not....it couldn't be as bad as when you first had a drinking problem. But it's so true.

Now when I read posts like yours, where the addiction picks up right where it left off, it reminds me of how this IS a serious issue and toying with our sobriety is dangerous and reckless.

Thank you.x