Rough morning. Shame/guilt/remorse.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,688
Hi Mrrryah1, try not to beat yourself up over past actions, move on and perhaps log it and learn, I cringe at my past drunken episodes I never want to be that person again.
Just remember you aren't alone, we're here and many of us been through what you've been through.
Just remember you aren't alone, we're here and many of us been through what you've been through.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
are you working a program?
making your way through the steps and taking active efforts to make amends - either directly or indirectly - really does help with the self-forgiveness.
As long as you carry around the weight of secret shame and fears, as long as you let it sit in the corner of your psyche like a bag of poo you pray doesn't get discovered - you will hold yourself back.
It's early yet, you have time, go easy on yourself.... but also know that it's unlikely you'll shed yourself fully of the remorse and the secret shame and the associated sense of loathing unless you unburden yourself through some active effort. It might be a step program. It might be a ritual between just yourself and your higher power. It might be a direct admission and asking forgiveness.... but somewhere along the line, you'll need to take action to let go.
making your way through the steps and taking active efforts to make amends - either directly or indirectly - really does help with the self-forgiveness.
As long as you carry around the weight of secret shame and fears, as long as you let it sit in the corner of your psyche like a bag of poo you pray doesn't get discovered - you will hold yourself back.
It's early yet, you have time, go easy on yourself.... but also know that it's unlikely you'll shed yourself fully of the remorse and the secret shame and the associated sense of loathing unless you unburden yourself through some active effort. It might be a step program. It might be a ritual between just yourself and your higher power. It might be a direct admission and asking forgiveness.... but somewhere along the line, you'll need to take action to let go.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
16 days is great but its not long.
I used to terrorise myself with memories of my past.
I woke up and they were there.
I went to sleep and they were there.
The longer I have been sober, the less I have the memories I have.
I also seem to think differently in that I knew I was not myself in those times. That was not the true me that behaved like that.
I do accept full responsibility though.
I have to.
But I feel that by living the way I do now, I am making some amends for the harm I did.
I also think differently if people still laugh at me about those days or take the moral high ground. Before I would have been upset, maybe cried, wished I was not here.
Now, I pity them to some degree as there understanding of addiction and empathy for addicts is so limited, or does not exist at all.
You might find your emotions are up and down still.
Mine were.
BE gentle with yourself.
Wishing you the best x
I used to terrorise myself with memories of my past.
I woke up and they were there.
I went to sleep and they were there.
The longer I have been sober, the less I have the memories I have.
I also seem to think differently in that I knew I was not myself in those times. That was not the true me that behaved like that.
I do accept full responsibility though.
I have to.
But I feel that by living the way I do now, I am making some amends for the harm I did.
I also think differently if people still laugh at me about those days or take the moral high ground. Before I would have been upset, maybe cried, wished I was not here.
Now, I pity them to some degree as there understanding of addiction and empathy for addicts is so limited, or does not exist at all.
You might find your emotions are up and down still.
Mine were.
BE gentle with yourself.
Wishing you the best x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
I look at it this way.
When I put down that drink for the last time I hung that ole man on a coat rack and forgot it.
I'm a new me. I'm not going to let the past define my future.
Sure,I'll remember things from the past if I'm ever tempted.
But, I use them as tools now not as stones to throw at the new me.
The line in the sand was drawn my friend. And you stepped over it.
When I put down that drink for the last time I hung that ole man on a coat rack and forgot it.
I'm a new me. I'm not going to let the past define my future.
Sure,I'll remember things from the past if I'm ever tempted.
But, I use them as tools now not as stones to throw at the new me.
The line in the sand was drawn my friend. And you stepped over it.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
I always liked that saying "Don't judge me by my past, I don't live there anymore"
be gentle with yourself.
You have the option now to choose to NOT do those things and live a life you can be happy with.
be gentle with yourself.
You have the option now to choose to NOT do those things and live a life you can be happy with.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
One of the biggest challenges in sobriety is facing your past. I struggle everyday with ruminating on the things I did when I was drunk. It's odd that I spend so much time and energy on the bad memories while the good ones don't get the time of day.
I have been reading books about mindfulness and CBT which basically are about being self-aware of your thoughts. Recognize that you are having negative thoughts and let it flow. I say things to myself like : "That was a bad night. I feel so guilty about it. That will be the last time something like that happens. It's a nice day, so I'll take the dog to the park instead of dwelling on things." 10 mins later at the park, my mind is usually clear and in the present.
I have been reading books about mindfulness and CBT which basically are about being self-aware of your thoughts. Recognize that you are having negative thoughts and let it flow. I say things to myself like : "That was a bad night. I feel so guilty about it. That will be the last time something like that happens. It's a nice day, so I'll take the dog to the park instead of dwelling on things." 10 mins later at the park, my mind is usually clear and in the present.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Forgive yourself wastingl . That wasn't the real you and the fact you have a conscience says so .
You cant change yesterday but you can today and tomorrow . Don't let the yesterday's define you .
Move on and allow yourself forgiveness , those who really care will forgive and those who don't , don't matter .
Move on , enjoy the rest of your life starting today , my friend xxx i wish i had done it sooner .
Let it go
You cant change yesterday but you can today and tomorrow . Don't let the yesterday's define you .
Move on and allow yourself forgiveness , those who really care will forgive and those who don't , don't matter .
Move on , enjoy the rest of your life starting today , my friend xxx i wish i had done it sooner .
Let it go
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