IslaGirl31

I have 3 days of sobriety as well as my husband...
I have anxiety about him drinking and how it will affect me. I can say all the right things now but I'm so afraid of caving if he does. He is a great soul and has all the best intentions (don't we all??) and I am probably his biggest fan but I don't want ANYThInG to jeopardize my recovery. I know I'm not being selfish or unkind...but I'm scared.
We're going away on a holiday (today) and our old pattern would have been grabbing some drinks and sitting on the beach all day and night...
It's the habits that are so hard to lose...
Anybody out there have a similar scenario?
Thank you

GracieLou

Getting sober can be a selfish process. You have to worry about you and let him worry about him.

If he drinks that is no reason for you to and visa versa. That will just create resentment and blame.

Stick to your program. We do not always get to walk our journey with the one we love.

Anna

I think you're right to be cautious about getting sober together. I'm sure it can work or it could work against you, and you need to remain strong in your own personal resolve.

I found breaking patterns/habits to be the biggest help to me, especially in the early days. Instead of sitting on the beach all day, how about walking or doing other touristy things, playing tennis, shopping, whatever would work for you.

Aellyce

Hi Isla,

I was in a somewhat similar situation several years ago, but less successful than you already seem to be. I had a boyfriend who was also an alcoholic drinker. At some point in the relationship, I suggested that we try to get sober together, but to give you the punchline, it did not work for us. I think none of us were ready for it, to be honest.

It sounds like you are more advanced in this than I was back then. So I also suggest that you make your sobriety a priority, and find/create a program of recovery that you judge best for yourself. I think in a relationship like yours, where both of you are trying to get sober at the same time, it may be interesting and beneficial to discuss these things in depth, thereby inspiring each-other. One thing that I suggest to you is that you try to stay as neutral as possible towards his recovery methods, don't judge what he's doing, don't pose expectation on anyone else but yourself. I read a few times here on SR that couples tend to run into difficult resentments and even power struggles when they are trying to impose their own method on the other, or criticize the other. That would also create a lot of stress which might lead to relapses.

So all-in-all - focus on yourself while trying to be accepting both towards yourself and your partner.

Other than that, I second Anna's sugegstion about changing habits and routines. Both of you will probably discover a lot of new motivations and interests during recovery; some of these might overlap between the two of you, others may not. Try not to limit each-other in these pursuits.

Stoogy

Hi, it is the habits we fall into that are hardest on us, like first weekend sober, just breaking the trend of what we usually be doing in certain situations and your first holiday sober is exactly the same thing,

I hope you have a lovely time.

IslaGirl31

Thank you all for taking the time to write and offer up your thoughts, feelings and experiences. We ended up having a really unique evening - got a bottle of dr pepper and a pizza and went to the square in town to watch a children's choir....
It's been pouring rain for hours so the beach was definitely going to be a wash out anyway....hmmmm

Ruby2

My husband and I are both alcoholics. We met in treatment. We have gone back and forth through relapses and periods of sobriety. It can be great married to someone in recovery or it can be miserable, depending. You both understand what the other person might be going through, and can be huge supporters of each other. however, If one person relapses the other feels that pull back into the bottle.

Right now we are both sober at the same time. I started sobriety before he did and it was a challenge. I realized that I had to be selfish and could not worry what he was doing or not doing. It was vitally important. Whatever he did, I could not drink. About a month after I got sober he did. I still worry some about him but I still know that it is all about me when it comes to drinking. My choices, my sobriety.

Hang in there. And maybe it was fortuitous that the beach was a wash. Broke one habit without intending to.