Helpless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Calgary
Posts: 5
Helpless
Just like to start of by saying I'm really sorry if there's been a lot of posts like this, because I haven't had the time to properly look through them. But I'm here to talk about this boy.
He is 22, turning 23 soon, and he is an alcoholic. He knows it, I know it, Im sure most people that know him also know that fact. But for about 2 months we've been getting closer and closer, I know it's not anything serious even though he says it is, but I care about him none the less, and I want it to be serious, I want that for us. But I'm 17, turning 18, and were just people that met online.
I know the typical 'drunk', the one who can't walk properly, slurred speech, all that. He drinks 30+ beers everyday, and he seems fine to be honest, except for his fluctuating emotions. He says he wants to be with me but them gets mad later on in the conversation then denies that he got mad the next day, says he loves me but also said he hardly knew me, you get my point?
He went to the doctors in early April for some tests, not really sure which but they all were related to his body functions like his kidneys. A week or two prior to this he was in the ER for something relating to over drinking, I think it was something with peeing blood. But that happens regularly and he doesn't think much of it.
The doctors asked him to call immediately once his tests were back and to come in for a follow up on everything, he never called. His attitude towards dying is so okay, so accepting. He is in some ways suicidal, drinking his life away. I just don't know how to help him, I'm 8000+ miles away from him, he lives in new York I live out in the Middle East ( I'm not Arab, I'm from Canada). But you understand me hopefully, please don't tell me how our relationship isint strong or how this situation is helpless because I really could live without knowing that. Please please please tell me what to do, i honestly feel beyond helpless, i see him on cam everyday and i litterally hate it, not being able to help him.
Thankyou so much <3
He is 22, turning 23 soon, and he is an alcoholic. He knows it, I know it, Im sure most people that know him also know that fact. But for about 2 months we've been getting closer and closer, I know it's not anything serious even though he says it is, but I care about him none the less, and I want it to be serious, I want that for us. But I'm 17, turning 18, and were just people that met online.
I know the typical 'drunk', the one who can't walk properly, slurred speech, all that. He drinks 30+ beers everyday, and he seems fine to be honest, except for his fluctuating emotions. He says he wants to be with me but them gets mad later on in the conversation then denies that he got mad the next day, says he loves me but also said he hardly knew me, you get my point?
He went to the doctors in early April for some tests, not really sure which but they all were related to his body functions like his kidneys. A week or two prior to this he was in the ER for something relating to over drinking, I think it was something with peeing blood. But that happens regularly and he doesn't think much of it.
The doctors asked him to call immediately once his tests were back and to come in for a follow up on everything, he never called. His attitude towards dying is so okay, so accepting. He is in some ways suicidal, drinking his life away. I just don't know how to help him, I'm 8000+ miles away from him, he lives in new York I live out in the Middle East ( I'm not Arab, I'm from Canada). But you understand me hopefully, please don't tell me how our relationship isint strong or how this situation is helpless because I really could live without knowing that. Please please please tell me what to do, i honestly feel beyond helpless, i see him on cam everyday and i litterally hate it, not being able to help him.
Thankyou so much <3
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to SR. 
It doesn't sound like much promising in your relationship. Distance itself is formidable enough. It sounds like he's a total alcoholic and the only advice I'd give is to forget about him and look for someone closer to you, in both distance and interests. His only interest seems to be drinking. I hope you can move on from this and find someone better suited for you.
It doesn't sound like much promising in your relationship. Distance itself is formidable enough. It sounds like he's a total alcoholic and the only advice I'd give is to forget about him and look for someone closer to you, in both distance and interests. His only interest seems to be drinking. I hope you can move on from this and find someone better suited for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Calgary
Posts: 5
Thankyou for the welcome (:
You're actually pretty accurate, our relationship isint promising, and he is a total alcoholic, but there has to be something, anything.
Moving on in this case is giving up on him, I can't do that, it's out of the question. But I agree, he's really into drinking, other hobbies of his are like fishing and hunting which I also don't really do.
But at this point, I really want to help.
Thanks again.
You're actually pretty accurate, our relationship isint promising, and he is a total alcoholic, but there has to be something, anything.
Moving on in this case is giving up on him, I can't do that, it's out of the question. But I agree, he's really into drinking, other hobbies of his are like fishing and hunting which I also don't really do.
But at this point, I really want to help.
Thanks again.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
but there has to be something, anything.
Leaving him is not giving up, it's making a decent life for yourself. What good can an alcoholic bring to a relationship, especially when you're 8,000 miles apart. I'd cut him loose and take good care of yourself. It sounds like he's already given up on himself.
Don't go down with the ship. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Calgary
Posts: 5
Do you think something like an ultimatum would work? Or is our relationship kinda weak for that? :/
I have my doubts, but I really like him, I just want to help him get better I want to know how to change his mind about drinking, and again you're right, he has given up on himself :/
I have my doubts, but I really like him, I just want to help him get better I want to know how to change his mind about drinking, and again you're right, he has given up on himself :/
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Calgary
Posts: 5
Yeah thats so true.
I don't know what's going to happen but right now, it doesn't look like I should leave, I like him too much. I agree, I am young but just praying to god something changes his mind. I know I can't save him but I wish I could and as long as I can't find an actual way to help him, I have to believe that. :/
Thankyou guys so much though, kinda see where you're coming from.
I don't know what's going to happen but right now, it doesn't look like I should leave, I like him too much. I agree, I am young but just praying to god something changes his mind. I know I can't save him but I wish I could and as long as I can't find an actual way to help him, I have to believe that. :/
Thankyou guys so much though, kinda see where you're coming from.
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