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Curse you, AV

Old 05-25-2014, 02:46 PM
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Curse you, AV

I was cleaning out the garage today, which happens to be my 101st day without booze. Behind one of the bins was an empty 16 oz aluminum bottle-can, you know the sexy ones with the screw top. I held it in my hand for awhile and felt like Adam holding the apple. It felt pretty good. Then the AV started up, 'you have done a great job getting to 100 days like you said you would, obviously you can turn this thing on or off at will, you've proven that. Tomorrow's a holiday, put some food on the grill and maybe have a beer if you want.'

I was listening, holding that damn can in my hand. The picture I had in my head wasn't one can of beer, though. The picture was a cooler packed with cold beer and ice. I realized I didn't want 1 beer. I wanted 7 or 8 or 12.

I was hoping something in me had changed, but I don't think it has. The AV almost closed the deal. I still have to keep that guard up.
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Old 05-25-2014, 03:03 PM
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Hi Alkaline, thanks for this honest share. What you've described here sounds exactly how I tend to experience cravings in situations when there is a sudden trigger, plus a mental perception that perhaps I could get away with it just now (tomorrow is holiday, etc). Also the mental amplification of the ***.

Please, don't!! What I usually do in similar situations (I'm 120 days sober today) is to try to act it out in some physical way, just like the memory of drinking and the cravings are physiologically rooted.... Leave that environment immediately if possible, go for a walk, a run, the gym, have some food, other similar things. I'm not yet very good at neutralizing cravings purely cognitively so will continue with these methods as long as I am confident in my mind more.

I like to trust and believe the people on here with longer term sobriety that these triggers and cravings will eventually lose their power, but I honestly still struggle hard sometimes.

Great job!!
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Old 05-25-2014, 03:05 PM
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Thoughts are thoughts. AV chatter is AV chatter.

It's what we do in response that counts - and you did brilliantly

Did you dump the can?

D
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Old 05-25-2014, 03:17 PM
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I think something in you has changed. You recognized the AV and saw the distinction between you and it.

Like Dee posted, AV chatter is AV chatter. Thoughts and AV chatter CANNOT make you drink.
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Old 05-26-2014, 10:47 PM
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Bbq over, just had to remove half a bottle of wine from my vacinity after walking past it whilst clearing up 10 times. Too much temptation! Didnt think it would affect me like that. It was fine when everyone was drinking in front of me but when left alone with it i had definate urges.
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