Needinghelp82

I joined about a month ago but haven't been active. Mainly because I've failed spectacularly. I've had about three days in that period where I've not had a drink. The culmination was yesterday I drank two bottles of wine.

I've woken up this morning vomiting, unable to eat and I've been awake since 2am. I've taken a diazepam but know if I hadn't then the temptation to drink would be there. I drank yesterday because I was feeling hungover.

I'm so embarrassed. I had to make my husband stay home from work as I just can't function. I've been off work this week, I think it just adds to my stress levels.

Ok so I've got a doctors appointment later. I want to ask for some more meds to help - I have an anxiety disorder and, if I don't get withdrawal symptoms by body will create them for me. I'm not sure what to ask for.

I'm so ashamed of myself, my life is unravelling because of my stupid actions.

Deebee82

I'm glad you're back. Everyone here has been and/or is in the same boat. Don't be embarrassed just move forward. Tell your doctor exactly what has happened and see what the doctor suggests. You can move past this if you try.

zeroptzero

I have not found shame to be useful to my recovery. It was more likely to lead me to another drink.
I am not saying that you are not responsible for yourself, but I am saying that you are not struggling because you are a bad person or that you are weak. You are in the grips of a deadly problem that many people suffer from. The good news is that you are capable of overcoming it. You can stop before things get worse. You can transform your shame into pride as you beat this thing. Try any and all recovery methods to find what works for you. I wish you the best. I've been where you are, and I never want to go back there. You don't need to live this way.

Needinghelp82

I really hope so. I've gone from social drinker to alcoholic and I don't know how. Even my MIL is involved now.

Tang

A majority of us have had multiple false starts. Don't give up, you can do this.

doggonecarl

A doctor's visit sounds wise. Be honest about the amount you drink and the misery it is causing you.

You'd be surprised how much your anxiety will lessen when you quit drinking.

Needinghelp82

Thank you.

I contacted the local alcohol service yesterday and they were as helpful as a cardboard toilet. My friend is having struggles with her husband too and there is no support available in this area. I'm hoping my GP will help as he's been very understanding of my struggles so far with my mental health.

afloatsober

Tell your doctor that you are dependent upon alcohol and can't stop drinking. Don't mask it in a big talk about anxiety issues etc. This gives the doc a chance to help with the problem that underlies any other issues that you may have.
Good luck with this.
G

Needinghelp82

I hope so. I had an anxiety disorder way before the drinking but was using it to self medicate. I think that's where it's been spiralling - if my husband wasn't here I may well have cracked already because I feel so unwell. That's the cycle I need to break, I've got one more diazepam left so I can take that later if needed to help break the cycle.

I really want to get control of this now.

I don't know if it helps that my hubby drinks a lot too. The difference is he can just stop for weeks/months on end and it looks almost insignificant compared to mine. I panic if I don't have wine in the house but that's the temptation. There were two bottles left in the fridge - one has been removed,other still in there. I won't have any because I've had a tablet AND because I am serious about this. I thought I was last time but now I have support/more people know.

Needinghelp82

Thank you. I did tell him last time I was concerned I was dependent but he just told me '1/4 of a glass of wine will stop any symptoms'! I feel nervous but it needs to be done. I've tried to do this alone and it hasn't worked.

Treerat66

Hi Needinghelp82, welcome to SR.
Stay strong.

Needinghelp82

Thank you.

I don't want to feel like this anymore. It's having such a negative effect on every area of my life. I honestly think my marriage will break down if I don't get sober. I desperately don't want that.