Completely alone, alcohol problem
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 4
Completely alone, alcohol problem
First I will explain my situation. I am 27 years old, male, alcohol has been part of my life since about 19 years old. Drinking very heavily throughout university, I was atleast social, to a degree. Since graduating, I have mostly been traveling the world, on my own. I have been drinking heavily wherever I go. I would go back to England to earn money for traveling and stay with my mother or father (separated) for periods of up to a few months, and for these periods drank sensibly or not at all, but (partially due to them living in small areas away from where I know anyone, partially due to myself) remained very solitary. When traveling, I went to the sights, the areas of natural beauty, the galleries and museums, I ate local food in local restaurants. Always alone. And then I went out afterwards to some local, non-classy bar, and drank.
I am now in Canada. I have been in Canada for a year. I am alone. I hold down a low paid full time job without my drinking impacting it significantly. When I was first here, I went to the dive bars every night, I got somewhere between tipsy and hammered every night. I made friends with many regulars, some are good people, but none have anything in common with me really. For the last few months I have cut the dive bars down to three-four nights per week, but I have to wrack my mind for things to do on the other nights. I either go to the cinema, alone, or simply go home to bed, alone. I spend almost all of my paycheck across the course of the pay period, either on drinking or impulsive purchases stemming from drinking (eg hangover food, endless soft drinks during the day, cigarettes). I live in very cheap accommodation which I would be embarrassed to bring anyone to and where I hate spending time. I lost my phone and did not replace it, I have never had home internet access.
Whether in my nature, or my lifestyle has made me like this, i find it very difficult to confide in people or take the initiative, socially. When I do go out with people from work, I am in disbelief that they want to go home after 3 drinks at 10pm, and I usually finish the night at the dive bars, having headed there after by myself.
My biggest question to people who have either quit or significantly reduced alcohol without a spouse/partner or even friend/family member is, WHAT DID YOU FIND TO DO INSTEAD? How did you fill that basic human need for company, how did you get rid of the boredom of a night alone? How did you find people to make relationships with which were not centered around booze?
I honestly find myself wondering, what do sober people do in the hours between 8 pm and midnight? I mean those whom are not satisfied with television and facebook.
I think it is also possible that I am suffering from some sort of mental illness or some form of depression, maybe or maybe not as a result of the drinking. I am too proud to ask people for help. I feel that I need to get support, get someone or some people (normal) in my life before I can made steps to change my lifestyle, but it is my lifestyle itself which is preventative of these things.
I dont think anyone my age does so many things on their own, and has done for so long, as I do.
I am now in Canada. I have been in Canada for a year. I am alone. I hold down a low paid full time job without my drinking impacting it significantly. When I was first here, I went to the dive bars every night, I got somewhere between tipsy and hammered every night. I made friends with many regulars, some are good people, but none have anything in common with me really. For the last few months I have cut the dive bars down to three-four nights per week, but I have to wrack my mind for things to do on the other nights. I either go to the cinema, alone, or simply go home to bed, alone. I spend almost all of my paycheck across the course of the pay period, either on drinking or impulsive purchases stemming from drinking (eg hangover food, endless soft drinks during the day, cigarettes). I live in very cheap accommodation which I would be embarrassed to bring anyone to and where I hate spending time. I lost my phone and did not replace it, I have never had home internet access.
Whether in my nature, or my lifestyle has made me like this, i find it very difficult to confide in people or take the initiative, socially. When I do go out with people from work, I am in disbelief that they want to go home after 3 drinks at 10pm, and I usually finish the night at the dive bars, having headed there after by myself.
My biggest question to people who have either quit or significantly reduced alcohol without a spouse/partner or even friend/family member is, WHAT DID YOU FIND TO DO INSTEAD? How did you fill that basic human need for company, how did you get rid of the boredom of a night alone? How did you find people to make relationships with which were not centered around booze?
I honestly find myself wondering, what do sober people do in the hours between 8 pm and midnight? I mean those whom are not satisfied with television and facebook.
I think it is also possible that I am suffering from some sort of mental illness or some form of depression, maybe or maybe not as a result of the drinking. I am too proud to ask people for help. I feel that I need to get support, get someone or some people (normal) in my life before I can made steps to change my lifestyle, but it is my lifestyle itself which is preventative of these things.
I dont think anyone my age does so many things on their own, and has done for so long, as I do.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Welcome, Albion!
I never looked at Facebook, but I sure spend a lot of time here at SoberRecovery! And to learn to be more social, AA meetings help a lot. I got help from a doctor for depression--the medication is very inexpensive. And for help to quit drinking, I found a no-cost detox program.
I never looked at Facebook, but I sure spend a lot of time here at SoberRecovery! And to learn to be more social, AA meetings help a lot. I got help from a doctor for depression--the medication is very inexpensive. And for help to quit drinking, I found a no-cost detox program.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 4
Thank-you for your reply. I dont think a detox program is applicable to me as "going without" alcohol is not difficult for me, I can spend a miserable week without drinking in a detox centre or out of one, what I really feel I need to do is to restructure my life by finding replacements for the bar!
Maybe two months ago, after I woke up Monday morning with a particularly horrible hangover, I decided to make an effort to do something about it. There was a film festival of a director I like on, so every night after work I went to a film, then went home to bed. But I felt so DESPERATELY LONELY doing this. I seemed to be the only one in the theatre without a girl next to him or a couple of friends to talk about the movie with afterwards. Friday night, I went out to the bar late, slowly drank three drinks across 3 hours, did the same Saturday. Everyone in the bar was very impressed with how sensible I was being. Sunday - Thursday I again didnt drink a drop, went to the movies or straight to bed every night, felt lonelier than ever, because I hadnt even had the social interactions from the bar. Friday rolled around and I didnt even try to control my drinking, I just went out and got drunk. And I was back where I started.
Maybe two months ago, after I woke up Monday morning with a particularly horrible hangover, I decided to make an effort to do something about it. There was a film festival of a director I like on, so every night after work I went to a film, then went home to bed. But I felt so DESPERATELY LONELY doing this. I seemed to be the only one in the theatre without a girl next to him or a couple of friends to talk about the movie with afterwards. Friday night, I went out to the bar late, slowly drank three drinks across 3 hours, did the same Saturday. Everyone in the bar was very impressed with how sensible I was being. Sunday - Thursday I again didnt drink a drop, went to the movies or straight to bed every night, felt lonelier than ever, because I hadnt even had the social interactions from the bar. Friday rolled around and I didnt even try to control my drinking, I just went out and got drunk. And I was back where I started.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi Albion,
Welcome to SR. If you spend some time here looking around, you will find many examples of people who have found happy and fulfilling lives after stopping drinking.
I stopped at 22 and have been sober for 34 years since then. I sometimes wonder how I ever found the time or money to drink like I did.
When first stopped it was not so much out of choice but desperation. I had malnutrition, and had lost all my friends, my job, and had nowhere to live. I was in a pretty bad state, what they call end stage alcoholism.
I didn't imagine I could have any kind of a life without alcohol, but I couldn't keep going as I was either.
I decide to give AA a try, but never took a note of the date I stopped because I didn't really believe it would work. Instead I decide to give it my best shot each day, and one day my sponsor called to tell me I had been sober for three months. I was amazed. At about that time I lost the obsession with alcohol and my life changed forever.
As I write this I am sitting on my yacht in the port of Gisborne, nz, living my dream of sailing the pacific. I have a business that pays my expenses, through AA I have friends in every port. Not bad for someone who got kicked out of school with no qualifications for something I did when I was drunk, who became a Hopeless alcoholic and lost everything.
I understand you may have trouble choosing not to drink, but you can recover if you chose to take some action. That's the real choice we have, to do something about the problem or not. All the best.
Welcome to SR. If you spend some time here looking around, you will find many examples of people who have found happy and fulfilling lives after stopping drinking.
I stopped at 22 and have been sober for 34 years since then. I sometimes wonder how I ever found the time or money to drink like I did.
When first stopped it was not so much out of choice but desperation. I had malnutrition, and had lost all my friends, my job, and had nowhere to live. I was in a pretty bad state, what they call end stage alcoholism.
I didn't imagine I could have any kind of a life without alcohol, but I couldn't keep going as I was either.
I decide to give AA a try, but never took a note of the date I stopped because I didn't really believe it would work. Instead I decide to give it my best shot each day, and one day my sponsor called to tell me I had been sober for three months. I was amazed. At about that time I lost the obsession with alcohol and my life changed forever.
As I write this I am sitting on my yacht in the port of Gisborne, nz, living my dream of sailing the pacific. I have a business that pays my expenses, through AA I have friends in every port. Not bad for someone who got kicked out of school with no qualifications for something I did when I was drunk, who became a Hopeless alcoholic and lost everything.
I understand you may have trouble choosing not to drink, but you can recover if you chose to take some action. That's the real choice we have, to do something about the problem or not. All the best.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: S.E. Wisconsin
Posts: 341
Welcome Albion.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease.
In time your alcohol intake increases
and you drink more frequently.
You do not even realize where you
are headed, that is the insanity.
I was in denial until I had a horrific
withdraw episode. I AM an alcoholic.
I sought help and now I am sober today.
I can live without that Drano in a can.
Do not let it progress to the point that
I had reached Albion.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease.
In time your alcohol intake increases
and you drink more frequently.
You do not even realize where you
are headed, that is the insanity.
I was in denial until I had a horrific
withdraw episode. I AM an alcoholic.
I sought help and now I am sober today.
I can live without that Drano in a can.
Do not let it progress to the point that
I had reached Albion.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
WHAT DID YOU FIND TO DO INSTEAD? How did you fill that basic human need for company, how did you get rid of the boredom of a night alone? How did you find people to make relationships with which were not centered around booze?
you need to accept that this is a process too. It takes time.
You're not going to find a sober posse, a sober girlfriend, discover your destiny and and your place in life all within a month or two.
It doesn't work like that.
Not drinking is good for a first step tho - and you'll find a lot of support here
Welcome aboard Albion
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 4
Thanks for your posts guys.
What I feel I most need from these forums is practical steps people took. First, is there anyone here who began recovery at my age, who did so in a completely alone situation, and who did so at a point where their problem had not yet reached the most advanced stages?
Anyone like that, how did you do it? What did you find to do in the time that you would otherwise have been drinking?
What I feel I most need from these forums is practical steps people took. First, is there anyone here who began recovery at my age, who did so in a completely alone situation, and who did so at a point where their problem had not yet reached the most advanced stages?
Anyone like that, how did you do it? What did you find to do in the time that you would otherwise have been drinking?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I did it alone with the help of SR.
My problem was extremely advanced, but I spent a lot of time here
It worked
There's no need to be a hermit tho - there's a million things that don't need to involve alcohol - team sports, exercise, hobbies interests, meeting people for coffe, pizza or movies....?
I know it's hard to think of things if alcohol has been the centrepiece of your social life, but it's not impossible to change.
If you're bored the only real limit is your imagination Albion
D
My problem was extremely advanced, but I spent a lot of time here
It worked
There's no need to be a hermit tho - there's a million things that don't need to involve alcohol - team sports, exercise, hobbies interests, meeting people for coffe, pizza or movies....?
I know it's hard to think of things if alcohol has been the centrepiece of your social life, but it's not impossible to change.
If you're bored the only real limit is your imagination Albion
D
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: S.E. Wisconsin
Posts: 341
I'm back on my PC and I
monitor this site. I will
eventually return to
my photography,
videography and cooking.
Do you have any hobbies
or special interests?
There is more to life than drinking.
monitor this site. I will
eventually return to
my photography,
videography and cooking.
Do you have any hobbies
or special interests?
There is more to life than drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 4
Yes - I want to do some writing, I have many ideas of things to write about, but that is completely solitary! I really think that trying to find alternatives to drinking which involve being alone will merely heighten the desire to drink the next day. I really do feel that I drink for the most part out of loneliness - I dont feel I have a physical addiction to alcohol, but a psychological addiction to the association of drinking and companionship.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I never liked being alone - mostly because I didn't like myself. Also, I got my validation from what others thought of me.
One of the best things about recovery for me was learning to like myself and enjoy my own company. I validate myself now
I think we all have to face down time at some stage, but if being alone is a trigger for you Albion I can only suggest something like AA or one of the non 12 step meeting based alternatives...
unless you're extremely driven to be a non drinker, I reckon hanging around in bars and around drinking buddies is gonna bring you undone sooner or later.
D
One of the best things about recovery for me was learning to like myself and enjoy my own company. I validate myself now
I think we all have to face down time at some stage, but if being alone is a trigger for you Albion I can only suggest something like AA or one of the non 12 step meeting based alternatives...
unless you're extremely driven to be a non drinker, I reckon hanging around in bars and around drinking buddies is gonna bring you undone sooner or later.
D
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
hi albion
i was alone when i came into aa
what i did was this
got up in the mornings had to force myself to walk down to the local shops to buy a paper or milk or anything to get me moving in the mornings
i would read a just for today card i picked up from aa meetings and think about the words what the meant etc and i would pick one of the things to do just for today and i would give it a go
i would head off to the nearest aa meeting as for me it was the only place i could feel comfortable with people who were actualy glad to see me as no one else wanted to know me lol
anyway to cut it all short i had to make myself do things i didnt want to do each day aa meetings helped me so much as people there know exactly what to do and how to help
members would come back to my lonely flat with me just to keep me company for a while or they would get me lifts to go to another meeting in the nighttime as i wasnt working so i could do day and night meetings and thats what i did
the rest is history i am 10 years sober now and i live a dam good life in terms of being happy within myself i still attend regular meetings and its my turn now to help others just like i got the help when i needed it and thats the best thing in the world for me and my soul
hope it helps you and pop along to aa you have nothing to lose but who knows what you might gain ?
i was alone when i came into aa
what i did was this
got up in the mornings had to force myself to walk down to the local shops to buy a paper or milk or anything to get me moving in the mornings
i would read a just for today card i picked up from aa meetings and think about the words what the meant etc and i would pick one of the things to do just for today and i would give it a go
i would head off to the nearest aa meeting as for me it was the only place i could feel comfortable with people who were actualy glad to see me as no one else wanted to know me lol
anyway to cut it all short i had to make myself do things i didnt want to do each day aa meetings helped me so much as people there know exactly what to do and how to help
members would come back to my lonely flat with me just to keep me company for a while or they would get me lifts to go to another meeting in the nighttime as i wasnt working so i could do day and night meetings and thats what i did
the rest is history i am 10 years sober now and i live a dam good life in terms of being happy within myself i still attend regular meetings and its my turn now to help others just like i got the help when i needed it and thats the best thing in the world for me and my soul
hope it helps you and pop along to aa you have nothing to lose but who knows what you might gain ?
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,688
Hi Albion, I though there was no life after drinking, it is such a biggie, everything seemed to revolve around drink. I made a mistake, I came on holiday were alcohol is absolutely everywhere, even the local chippy.
Once the drinking stops I learnt there was more, recovering, I thought that meant if you were poorly but no, learning to live without alcohol what to do without booze in my hand.
There is a lot of life after alcohol, it doesn't, I think, happen overnight.
One baby step in front of the other, the world is your oyster. All the best.
Once the drinking stops I learnt there was more, recovering, I thought that meant if you were poorly but no, learning to live without alcohol what to do without booze in my hand.
There is a lot of life after alcohol, it doesn't, I think, happen overnight.
One baby step in front of the other, the world is your oyster. All the best.
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 561
Hi Albion,
Welcome to SR. Sounds like you live a very isolated existence there. I would strongly advise you to try AA or some kind of other support group. I'm the same age as you and have made my journey very difficult for myself. I first went to AA at 24. At that point I could still hold down a good job, had friends, and was at University. I didn't think I was 'bad enough' an alcoholic to stop. It progressed very quickly. At 25 I got 10 months sober and 26 I got 8 - both periods were a completely different life than I was used to and I was happy. Unfortunately I wasn't vigilant and relapsed again. I have none of those things I had at 24, now. I am now 11 days sober and feeling very determined. Things get worse very quickly, Albion, especially if you are isolated.
You don't need to be alone, but I know how it feels. However, friends won't find you. Get yourself sober first then you will see how life can unfold. You'll learn who you are and what you like, and I bet you'll be a lot lot happier.
As I said, try AA. It's a good place to meet other people on the same journey as yourself, it will give you something to do, and you may just enjoy it
Oh and very importantly, keep using SR! I use the chat a lot in the evenings, it's a good tool for that time period you mentioned
All the best
Welcome to SR. Sounds like you live a very isolated existence there. I would strongly advise you to try AA or some kind of other support group. I'm the same age as you and have made my journey very difficult for myself. I first went to AA at 24. At that point I could still hold down a good job, had friends, and was at University. I didn't think I was 'bad enough' an alcoholic to stop. It progressed very quickly. At 25 I got 10 months sober and 26 I got 8 - both periods were a completely different life than I was used to and I was happy. Unfortunately I wasn't vigilant and relapsed again. I have none of those things I had at 24, now. I am now 11 days sober and feeling very determined. Things get worse very quickly, Albion, especially if you are isolated.
You don't need to be alone, but I know how it feels. However, friends won't find you. Get yourself sober first then you will see how life can unfold. You'll learn who you are and what you like, and I bet you'll be a lot lot happier.
As I said, try AA. It's a good place to meet other people on the same journey as yourself, it will give you something to do, and you may just enjoy it
Oh and very importantly, keep using SR! I use the chat a lot in the evenings, it's a good tool for that time period you mentioned
All the best
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Rogersville, Tennessee
Posts: 2,659
Albion,
Substitute bowling for visiting the sights and I could have written that story 20 years ago.
I'm still alone but, that is mostly by my own choice. I still live in a rathole trailer where the ceiling is only 3 inches above my head.
Over the last 14 months, to stave off the boredom, I learned to paint, lay tile, do some electrical repairs and some landscaping. The trailers outside still looks like crap, but the interior is so relaxing I really don't care to go out much.
As far as loneliness goes, I have my dog, my cat and my aquarium. They keep me company better than anyone I've ever had in my adult life.
The biggest hurdle I had to overcome is to learn to like myself enough to take care of myself.
Substitute bowling for visiting the sights and I could have written that story 20 years ago.
I'm still alone but, that is mostly by my own choice. I still live in a rathole trailer where the ceiling is only 3 inches above my head.
Over the last 14 months, to stave off the boredom, I learned to paint, lay tile, do some electrical repairs and some landscaping. The trailers outside still looks like crap, but the interior is so relaxing I really don't care to go out much.
As far as loneliness goes, I have my dog, my cat and my aquarium. They keep me company better than anyone I've ever had in my adult life.
The biggest hurdle I had to overcome is to learn to like myself enough to take care of myself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 556
Welcome Albion!
The people here are super supportive, and will have great suggestions for you to try.
Each person's journey is very unique. What works for one, May not work for another.
Here is what worked for me, once upon a time....
I had just sobered up in 2007, when I decided I needed to change careers.
I worked during the day, went to school at night, joined a church community, went to AA 4 x week, got a sponsor, worked the steps, stayed sober (for a while anyhow) and found an entire new sober circle of friends.
Those friends are true friends today. They have stuck by me through every trial and tribulation, every relapse and every milestone achieved, they celebrate Me!
I never felt deserving or capable of these types of friendships.
They make me want to be a better person, so that one day I can honour them.
God works in mysterious ways, but you have to do the next right thing.
I live in Canada as well. There is a lot of educational opportunities available for free. The public libraries have a ton of free programmes. Join a writing club. Mentor a handicapped children, coach a soccer team, teach ESL to immigrants, volunteer at a food bank..
Message me if you need contact info, I'll steer you to the people who can use your talents. Let me know where you are located.
The people here are super supportive, and will have great suggestions for you to try.
Each person's journey is very unique. What works for one, May not work for another.
Here is what worked for me, once upon a time....
I had just sobered up in 2007, when I decided I needed to change careers.
I worked during the day, went to school at night, joined a church community, went to AA 4 x week, got a sponsor, worked the steps, stayed sober (for a while anyhow) and found an entire new sober circle of friends.
Those friends are true friends today. They have stuck by me through every trial and tribulation, every relapse and every milestone achieved, they celebrate Me!
I never felt deserving or capable of these types of friendships.
They make me want to be a better person, so that one day I can honour them.
God works in mysterious ways, but you have to do the next right thing.
I live in Canada as well. There is a lot of educational opportunities available for free. The public libraries have a ton of free programmes. Join a writing club. Mentor a handicapped children, coach a soccer team, teach ESL to immigrants, volunteer at a food bank..
Message me if you need contact info, I'll steer you to the people who can use your talents. Let me know where you are located.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome Albion. I had to reinvent my life when I stopped drinking. I had to get out of my old mindset and develop a new one, a sober mindset. It took some effort but I did it, and have been sober now for over four years.
I hope the support you find here can help you stop drinking for good.
I had to reinvent my life when I stopped drinking. I had to get out of my old mindset and develop a new one, a sober mindset. It took some effort but I did it, and have been sober now for over four years.I hope the support you find here can help you stop drinking for good.
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