rdrji

Hi..I finally decided to post. I have been in love with an alcoholic for 6 yrs. During that time, he has left me...stolen money from me...lost job after job..and spent some time in jail for multiple dui. The defensive side of me wants to say what a great person he is without the alcohol, but I have suffered beyond words over this man. I recently kicked him out after he had me drop him off at a job that never existed for over a month...only to find out it never existed. The last day (kick out day) my 10 yr old and I came home to him drunk, cussing, and saying no one likes me, I am a bi-----...etc. I have fought for this man for years. To make it worse his family hates and blames me. I Think I must be a co-dependent...as I have fallen for broken promises over and over. I am a teacher ...so even my job is about taking care of others. I have been reluctant to post since he never was my husband or family member..but I am broken and could use support right now. I feel guilty for making him go because he has no job, money, car...he has lost everything. A few words from u wise people that have been thru this would help. I feel stupid for allowing myself to get to this place. Why do I still love him? Did I do the right thing? Thanks

Dee74

Hi rdrji

I don't think anyone could or should call you stupid.
Love is not always rational - and I'm sure there's a great side to this guy.

But the fact remains you're clearly coming second to his addiction.

You've done the right thing, in my opinion

I know you'll find help and support here

Welcome

D

nogard

Sounds like you are handling it very well. Try not to beat yourself up to much and I too think you have done the right thing. It will help you and ironically may well help him to.

Chicagoan

Yes, I believe that you done the
correct thing. He has a disease
that not only affects him, but you
also. And you do not deserve that.
I'm sure that you tried to discourage him
from drinking but, that does not work.
He has to make that decision.

Even though I was not abusive, if my
wife had gave me the boot during my
out of control drinking, now I would
thoroughly understand.

least

Welcome! You did the right thing. He has shown he can't be trusted and trust is essential in a relationship.

I know you'll find lots of support here. We also have a 'friends and family' forum for friends and family of alcoholics. Give it a look for more insight.

Tamerua

It's natural to feel guilty but he had choices and chose his behaviors which ultimately cost him everything.

You also had your choices and it sounds like your latest ones were great! Take care of you and your child and your wonderful job ( I have a lot of respect for teachers). And welcome!

Low

Wouldn't it be best to focus on your 10 year old right now, who must be traumatized by all this.....? You can't fix someone else's active alcoholism....

Hevyn

Rdrji - I'm so glad you reached out for some support.

It's tragic to love an alcoholic who is not interested in recovery - but I've been there. He was a wonderful person & I felt horrible giving up on him, but I couldn't go down with the ship. You have done the right thing - 6 yrs. is a huge investment - you've given him every chance. Keep posting and sharing how you feel - it will help relieve the anxiety.

rdrji

Thanks for all the responses. It was overwhelming to see that total strangers care enough to give me advice and great feedback... After dealing with it alone so long, it feels GREAT to have a place I can come to vent or ask for advice. Still alot of pain there, but He is still gone and I feel like it was the right thing. It's day by day, and I am busy enough to get through. I felt panicked at first, but doing better. I have two kids..10 and 14...and we are going to enjoy life without the chaos for once! Thank you thank you thank you for being so welcoming. I am going to check out the friends and family board.

Starshines

Hi rdrji - I'm new as well and my husband is an alcoholic. We are still together and he is currently trying to quit drinking on his own, which it's been a few days since he's had one and that's the furthest we've gotten so far. One day at a time. You'll find lots of support in the Friends and Family forum.

Personally, I don't know if I could have gotten through this week if I hadn't found these forums. Lots of positive energy and opportunities to open up about issues I've bottled up for years. You are not alone

gardendiva

You can't fight for someone who won't fight for themselves. Take care of yourself and your kids. His recovery is 100% his responsibility.