People on the street
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 156
I did not mean to inflame or insult anybody.
Perhaps this is an existential question of mine.
Basically, I don't understand how "normal" people live their lives. It all seems too monotonous. It all seems so meaningless.
Again, I apologize. I am not a "troll." I suffer from anxiety and depression and I am seeking to alleviate them via any means possible.
Perhaps this is an existential question of mine.
Basically, I don't understand how "normal" people live their lives. It all seems too monotonous. It all seems so meaningless.
Again, I apologize. I am not a "troll." I suffer from anxiety and depression and I am seeking to alleviate them via any means possible.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Let try and keep our responses to the OP and the topic please.
lets not get into big metaconversations about the quality of responses here or elsewhere.
I don't think anyones being neglected here.
I'm into my 4th hour of going through all the threads, but if anyone feels that other people are being neglected, then post to them.
If the thread or a particular poster is pushing your buttons, like Anna has suggested the ignore function can be helpful.
D
lets not get into big metaconversations about the quality of responses here or elsewhere.
I don't think anyones being neglected here.
I'm into my 4th hour of going through all the threads, but if anyone feels that other people are being neglected, then post to them.
If the thread or a particular poster is pushing your buttons, like Anna has suggested the ignore function can be helpful.
D
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by Thepatman 
I am perplexed with both threads. They both appear to push bottoms in some of us, still trying to figure out why they don't bother me.
What BOTHERS me is the amount of energy spent on them while a few newcomers barely got any response.
One of them was simple, I need help. I promised the folks would jump in and help yet spent more time in these 2 threads from someone that does not want help.
Thepatman is not happy, guys let's get back to helping the ones that want to be sober please????
What BOTHERS me is the amount of energy spent on them while a few newcomers barely got any response.
One of them was simple, I need help. I promised the folks would jump in and help yet spent more time in these 2 threads from someone that does not want help.
Thepatman is not happy, guys let's get back to helping the ones that want to be sober please????
I have learned from recovery is the most well articulated messages are not always the ones that stick. For me it was a casual comment that was honest from a friend that was the seed, which took six months to germinate.
My point, you never know what will help and what won't. So the only thing that I let guide me is being authentic and honest. I found Kab's post to be honest. He does not realize that is mentally sick or just how sick is my guess form his post but I understand his thought process quite well. I had a similar thought process when I was deep in my own addiction.
I applaud your desire to help guide posts but the attention that might be drawn here is because many of us see the parts in ourselves that he abhor or once were in Kab. I don't comment in the newcomers section too often but I have found these two threads a helpful reminder of where I once was and how far I have come and where I never want to go again.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 556
Lab, like someone said earlier, it is a matter of perspective. You are still young, but trust me, by 50 the drinking and drugging becomes monotony and you will desperately desire normal. Life is not limited to a house in the burbs with two kids and a dog. If you can dream it, you can do it- but not by continuing to use.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Originally Posted by jdooner
Sorry Dee you posted before I hit send...
I have learned from recovery is the most well articulated messages are not always the ones that stick. For me it was a casual comment that was honest from a friend that was the seed, which took six months to germinate.
My point, you never know what will help and what won't. So the only thing that I let guide me is being authentic and honest. I found Kab's post to be honest. He does not realize that is mentally sick or just how sick is my guess form his post but I understand his thought process quite well. I had a similar thought process when I was deep in my own addiction.
I applaud your desire to help guide posts but the attention that might be drawn here is because many of us see the parts in ourselves that he abhor or once were in Kab. I don't comment in the newcomers section too often but I have found these two threads a helpful reminder of where I once was and how far I have come and where I never want to go again.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
I am in the minority I guess here....I wasn't offended by the post, and think I understand the point you were trying to make, with maybe some angles in your writing that were a bit too sharp and heavy handed.
I also used to notice "normal" people and wonder how they managed it. For instance...I would take note of the people in restaurants having lunch and sipping soda or water, while I on the other hand wouldn't even go to a restaurant that didn't serve booze! I would be so envious of those I saw out jogging while I drove to work and sipped on the wine that was in my travel mug (at 7:30 am mind you)!
But as I am now realizing that I likely looked "normal" most of the time too. Anybody saw me at a traffic light likely saw the image of a soccer mom sipping her morning latte and listening to the morning radio talk show. They didn't smell the wine from there vantage point, and when I would stare in the rear view mirror wondering if my eyes were starting to look yellow, they likely thought I was trying to check my mascara application.
My point? I understand your pondering, but nothing is as it seems...that I promise you!
I also used to notice "normal" people and wonder how they managed it. For instance...I would take note of the people in restaurants having lunch and sipping soda or water, while I on the other hand wouldn't even go to a restaurant that didn't serve booze! I would be so envious of those I saw out jogging while I drove to work and sipped on the wine that was in my travel mug (at 7:30 am mind you)!
But as I am now realizing that I likely looked "normal" most of the time too. Anybody saw me at a traffic light likely saw the image of a soccer mom sipping her morning latte and listening to the morning radio talk show. They didn't smell the wine from there vantage point, and when I would stare in the rear view mirror wondering if my eyes were starting to look yellow, they likely thought I was trying to check my mascara application.
My point? I understand your pondering, but nothing is as it seems...that I promise you!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 156
Originally Posted by biminiblue
You are certainly unique.
No one understands you. No one is as smart as you. No one "sees" what you see.
I felt that way too. Try life sober for a few months and then revisit this thought. You are coming from a place of relative delusion.
Everyone you meet is fighting a huge battle. Most normal people understand this and accept it, you are not there yet.
No one understands you. No one is as smart as you. No one "sees" what you see.
I felt that way too. Try life sober for a few months and then revisit this thought. You are coming from a place of relative delusion.
Everyone you meet is fighting a huge battle. Most normal people understand this and accept it, you are not there yet.
But I am not there yet. I am trying.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
I find the differences of opinions here at SR one of its greatest assets. Something for everyone, and everyone has at least someone who understands them, at all times.
I appreciate all points of view here. It feels safe, knowing so many experienced people are here and watching out for newcomers and oldsters as well.
I appreciate all points of view here. It feels safe, knowing so many experienced people are here and watching out for newcomers and oldsters as well.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
I understand what you mean. I remember discussing how I WISHED I was just a simple, stupid man - so that I could laugh at a sunrise and enjoy a cup of coffee on a nice summer evening. I saw people doing this type of things and since I could not find joy in these activities, it made me feel better to call them stupid.
This is called depression, and it's not surprising that you're feeling this way. All of your instincts say that YOU ARE FINE and everyone else is crazy. It's a bitter feeling. Then comes the point (after sustained sobriety) when you start to realize it's the other way around. Alas, instead of being enlightening, this discovery can be marked with panic and despair. At least in my experience.
It helped me to focus on the present. The past and future don't exist. Why not enjoy the little things? Take a train ride. Sit on a park bench. Walk through a puddle. Throw a snowball. Pick up a piece of glass and hold it up to the sun. It doesn't have to be magical - but it's all we've got. Give it a try. Don't focus on what's missing - focus on what's right there in front of you. The reality of your life is what's happening now. Nothing else really exists, if you want to get technical. What do you have to lose by making the most of what is taking place in time and space at this moment?
Find a place where what's happening now is a rewarding experience. Get out of that rut.
This is called depression, and it's not surprising that you're feeling this way. All of your instincts say that YOU ARE FINE and everyone else is crazy. It's a bitter feeling. Then comes the point (after sustained sobriety) when you start to realize it's the other way around. Alas, instead of being enlightening, this discovery can be marked with panic and despair. At least in my experience.
It helped me to focus on the present. The past and future don't exist. Why not enjoy the little things? Take a train ride. Sit on a park bench. Walk through a puddle. Throw a snowball. Pick up a piece of glass and hold it up to the sun. It doesn't have to be magical - but it's all we've got. Give it a try. Don't focus on what's missing - focus on what's right there in front of you. The reality of your life is what's happening now. Nothing else really exists, if you want to get technical. What do you have to lose by making the most of what is taking place in time and space at this moment?
Find a place where what's happening now is a rewarding experience. Get out of that rut.
Recognizes the Beast
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: In the kitchen, cooking up a storm
Posts: 704
Nah, I wasn't offended by the post either. I remember thinking similar thoughts for 18 years. Our addicted brains are wired to only release good chemicals (usually dopamine) when we get our fix. Nothing else rings the bell. So everything else seems pointless and boring, cause, well it is for an addict.
But the brain is adaptable, with time the Hedonic Set Point re-calibrates itself, and while you certainly won't ever enjoy the highs of the drug, you won't experience the lows either. New hobbies and interest emerge as your body and brain began to heal itself and before you know it, you'll have become one of those normal people.
Of course, it's not so simple, and for many addicts or alcoholics suggest as myself, there were some important reasons compelling us towards addiction in the first place. But once sober, we're much better equipped to deal with those problems emotionally, without the false cure of self-medication.
But the brain is adaptable, with time the Hedonic Set Point re-calibrates itself, and while you certainly won't ever enjoy the highs of the drug, you won't experience the lows either. New hobbies and interest emerge as your body and brain began to heal itself and before you know it, you'll have become one of those normal people.
Of course, it's not so simple, and for many addicts or alcoholics suggest as myself, there were some important reasons compelling us towards addiction in the first place. But once sober, we're much better equipped to deal with those problems emotionally, without the false cure of self-medication.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Originally Posted by Kabukicho
Basically, I don't understand how "normal" people live their lives. It all seems too monotonous. It all seems so meaningless.
You're almost certainly not going to learn how to appreciate the little things in life if you're drinking and using. This has been the advice given in just about every post in this thread. Simply put, you will not understand "how normal people live their lives" until you stop drinking and using benzos. The answer is quite simple: stop using, but it's not so easily implemented.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 156
I have been to therapy numerous times. I don't think they understand my condition. The empirical, mechanical, total relief that I receive from substances is preferable.
If you look at my posts in the "Mental Health" forum, you will perhaps gain some insight into my undiagnosed PTSD and the bizarre mental health burdens that I carry with me everyday.
If you look at my posts in the "Mental Health" forum, you will perhaps gain some insight into my undiagnosed PTSD and the bizarre mental health burdens that I carry with me everyday.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 94
There's a song - by Coco Montoya "FREE". check it out on the Utube. It explains a lot for me... "Staring out these prison walls.. Haven't done no crime." "mr Jones don't run this show no more". Listen to it Kab...maybe it will jog something for you. namaste.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Alaska
Posts: 229
Whatever mental health issues you carry, you will only make them worse with what you are doing. You know that. Actually dealing with those issues is scary. If you haven't noticed from the posts from so many different people here, so many of us deal with the very same things. In the end, at the end of existentialism, we are whom we make ourselves to be.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Kabukicho, I was on Xanax and Klonopin for several years (prescribed by my dr). It wasn't until I stopped taking them that I realized that my panic attacks and depression were caused by the pills. They were the withdrawal symptoms once my brain built tolerance to the benzos.
Just a thought...
Just a thought...
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 556
Hi agree Patricia. That fact was my ah ha moment.I called drinking ' my happy place' because I thought it was then I was normal. My sober mind, was a depressed mind. My brain simply stopped producing serotonin because of the chemical imbalance caused by alcohol. If we continue, we become suicidal. I chose to get off the bus, go through the withdrawal (depression) and allow my brain time to start functioning as it was created to do. Continual use of any substance will shut down our natural healing systems. It is self perpetuating, and will only lead to wet brain or death.
Closing the gates of Oblivion
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: OK, USA
Posts: 273
Fascinating thread...I look like one of those people on the street. I smile and carry on in public in order to save face.
I don't want to discuss my problems with others, my problems are mine, and not to be shared. I think I act "normal" so that I won't be bothered but in reality, I have a great deal of turmoil inside this little head of mine.
What I want to share is the old adage: Don't judge a book by its cover. You might be walking by someone who was raped last week or survived a recent disaster or lost their baby but they appear normal.
Some of us are actors in our own play. We show you what we want you to see but we may still have tremendous dispair within. The world is not always what it seems.
I don't want to discuss my problems with others, my problems are mine, and not to be shared. I think I act "normal" so that I won't be bothered but in reality, I have a great deal of turmoil inside this little head of mine.
What I want to share is the old adage: Don't judge a book by its cover. You might be walking by someone who was raped last week or survived a recent disaster or lost their baby but they appear normal.
Some of us are actors in our own play. We show you what we want you to see but we may still have tremendous dispair within. The world is not always what it seems.
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