SkyBlueSky

whatever is out there, give me the strength to not drink anymore. Please let me stop being a leech off my 60 year old parents. Please let me focus on the productive engagements in life. Please take this bottle out of my hand. I try; I try every single day, and ever last cent goes to alcohol. I know I can stop myself, but not by myself. The loneliness is crippling especially when everyone around you seem so well adjusted.

Why is beer my first and last thoughts of the day? Why am I too lazy to shave? Why did I give up the love of my life for booze? Please help me understand my self-destructive ways. And, PLEASE, guide me home!

EndGameNYC

Though there are answers to your questions, SkyBlueSky, it's unlikely that you'll be able to make the necessary changes if you do this on your own.

It's apparent that you need to add something to your recovery plan. You're clearly in despair, so I have two questions: What are you willing to do to get sober? How much longer are you willing to wait to take action?

Raider

Why? Because you are sick, because you are probably an alcoholic. That's why. You're gonna have to make a decision. Drink or not. If you chose not to drink, you may need outside help. Might want to start with a trip to the doc to get a little something to detox with. Not safe by yourself. Then get yourself into a rehab or a meeting. Good luck. Blessings.

biminiblue

When you are ready, you will be able to stop. Please give it your best shot.

SkyBlueSky

I wish I could. I have medicaid in Ohio. I live in a different state. I have about 80 bucks to my name; looking for employment. I can't be out of a job much more than I currently am. I can't do a 30 or 90 day program. I have to report it to the bar association, too.

least

I sincerely hope you can get the help you need to stop drinking.

SkyBlueSky

Sorry guys. I am moaning at the moment. Thanks for all the advice and kind words.

Goldcoastgirl

It breaks my heart reading your posts Bluesky. You so obviously want to stop this downward spiral because you keep posting. I want this desperately for you too but I can't do it for you. You need to surrender and get outside help. Your career isn't going to be saved by you still drinking, it is a catch 22. Please ask for help from someone in the real world. You are obviously a very intelligent person, work out a way you can get into recovery somehow but you need to be willing to let go and surrender to help. Please keep posting and let us know how you are x

MythOfSisyphus

This is just a shot in the dark, and it may not help you, but do a search for AVRT. I was lost until I found AVRT and just the 'Bullets for my Beast' slide show was enough to let me stop, and stay stopped now since Oct 2012. It's free, and even if it doesn't work, what could it hurt? You have only a bad habit to lose!

Dee74

Some good advice here SBS.

I really believe that God can move mountains...but sometimes He expects us to pick up a shovel too...

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

There's also inpatient and outpatient rehab too (which can't really be out of the question if things are that desperate? The Salvation Army runs some free inpatient programmes)