The Angel won't let me die.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: MI
Posts: 102
The Angel won't let me die.
Posted here alot close to half a year ago about my efforts to get sober, and the sobriety lasted a good amount of time. In my effort to get sober, I went all out and started abusing things like diphenhydramine and became a smoker to get me past the difficult period.
Now I'm just hooked on the diphenhydramine and I'm drinking again in excess. On an average night, I have roughly 15 drinks and 200 MG of diph. It does nothing significant to me, it's just a normal week night, and I do well at work the next day.
A lot of people would die from this combination, and honestly I wish I would. I'm just done with this battle and I'm ready to move on. I never do though, I always wake up.
I never remember falling asleep. Super-natural things happen to me. No matter where I black out, I will wake up in my bed without a pillow and my pillow will be laying on the ground outside of the bedroom door. It's as if something is putting me to bed but telling me I don't deserve my pillow. Also, every single time I have a dream, which shouldn't happen in such an inebriated state, it involves an angel, the same angel.
Wondering if anyone has experienced some sort of unexplainable presence during the thick of their addiction that kept them alive.
I'd love to just be done and wake up tomorrow as a squirrel or something and begin the next life, but something refuses to let me do it.
Now I'm just hooked on the diphenhydramine and I'm drinking again in excess. On an average night, I have roughly 15 drinks and 200 MG of diph. It does nothing significant to me, it's just a normal week night, and I do well at work the next day.
A lot of people would die from this combination, and honestly I wish I would. I'm just done with this battle and I'm ready to move on. I never do though, I always wake up.
I never remember falling asleep. Super-natural things happen to me. No matter where I black out, I will wake up in my bed without a pillow and my pillow will be laying on the ground outside of the bedroom door. It's as if something is putting me to bed but telling me I don't deserve my pillow. Also, every single time I have a dream, which shouldn't happen in such an inebriated state, it involves an angel, the same angel.
Wondering if anyone has experienced some sort of unexplainable presence during the thick of their addiction that kept them alive.
I'd love to just be done and wake up tomorrow as a squirrel or something and begin the next life, but something refuses to let me do it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 164
Originally Posted by SpartanGreen 
Posted here alot close to half a year ago about my efforts to get sober, and the sobriety lasted a good amount of time. In my effort to get sober, I went all out and started abusing things like diphenhydramine and became a smoker to get me past the difficult period.
Now I'm just hooked on the diphenhydramine and I'm drinking again in excess. On an average night, I have roughly 15 drinks and 200 MG of diph. It does nothing significant to me, it's just a normal week night, and I do well at work the next day.
A lot of people would die from this combination, and honestly I wish I would. I'm just done with this battle and I'm ready to move on. I never do though, I always wake up.
I never remember falling asleep. Super-natural things happen to me. No matter where I black out, I will wake up in my bed without a pillow and my pillow will be laying on the ground outside of the bedroom door. It's as if something is putting me to bed but telling me I don't deserve my pillow. Also, every single time I have a dream, which shouldn't happen in such an inebriated state, it involves an angel, the same angel.
Wondering if anyone has experienced some sort of unexplainable presence during the thick of their addiction that kept them alive.
I'd love to just be done and wake up tomorrow as a squirrel or something and begin the next life, but something refuses to let me do it.
Now I'm just hooked on the diphenhydramine and I'm drinking again in excess. On an average night, I have roughly 15 drinks and 200 MG of diph. It does nothing significant to me, it's just a normal week night, and I do well at work the next day.
A lot of people would die from this combination, and honestly I wish I would. I'm just done with this battle and I'm ready to move on. I never do though, I always wake up.
I never remember falling asleep. Super-natural things happen to me. No matter where I black out, I will wake up in my bed without a pillow and my pillow will be laying on the ground outside of the bedroom door. It's as if something is putting me to bed but telling me I don't deserve my pillow. Also, every single time I have a dream, which shouldn't happen in such an inebriated state, it involves an angel, the same angel.
Wondering if anyone has experienced some sort of unexplainable presence during the thick of their addiction that kept them alive.
I'd love to just be done and wake up tomorrow as a squirrel or something and begin the next life, but something refuses to let me do it.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I hope you listen to the angel. The rest of what the drugs and booze are telling you is 100% BS. I listened to the same BS for years and it never came true...all the promises of feeling better or fitting in better were absolute lies.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
You are not crazy and you have things to contribute to this plane. Your protector (angel) is working very hard >maybe a tad codependent< but you should start working yourself on getting better. We are only given so many chances and there will come a time when even your angel cannot protect you against yourself.
Please get some help, your higher power has your back.
Please get some help, your higher power has your back.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
If you want the non angel version - something in you, at a subsconscious level, clearly wants you to survive.
Nourish that part.
What if this life is it? No do overs?
It's not too late to change course - if you're committed to change.
D
Nourish that part.
What if this life is it? No do overs?
It's not too late to change course - if you're committed to change.
D
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