Dying to Self
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hole-in-the-Wall TX
Posts: 88
Dying to Self
While I was listening to Mark H.'s audio on Step 1, he said that we have to die to ourselves, to our selfishness. And all of a sudden I remembered something that happened to me a year ago when I made my 1st attempt to quit drinking.
I was sitting at my computer desk crying and afraid because alcohol was destroying my life. All of a sudden I felt in my spirit an overwhelming command from God's Spirit to get face down on the floor, almost like I was diving for cover from some impending doom. While on the floor, I again heard in my spirit that God wanted me to die to myself, literally DIE to my selfishness and not get up until I had done so.
This spiritual instruction was so real to me that I wept like a mourner at my own funeral! I cried my heart out for over 2 hours and did not get off that floor until I was done with feeling sorry for my self.
When I finally got off the floor, I was a new person. I was afraid, I was sad, I was lonely. But those feelings almost seemed foreign, like those emotions were not telling me the truth. And yet there was a great joyfulness in my heart that made me believe as long as I was listening to God, everything was going to be alright.
Without ever knowing about the First Step in AA, God himself gave me the instruction. I was clean for almost a year. Last month I allowed the cares of this world to drive me back to my selfishness and self-pity and fell off the wagon. But God in his mercy led me to this site and I'm going to lay down on the floor again and repent.
I am so thankful for the determination and devotion of all those who keep posting the priceless information on this site.
I was sitting at my computer desk crying and afraid because alcohol was destroying my life. All of a sudden I felt in my spirit an overwhelming command from God's Spirit to get face down on the floor, almost like I was diving for cover from some impending doom. While on the floor, I again heard in my spirit that God wanted me to die to myself, literally DIE to my selfishness and not get up until I had done so.
This spiritual instruction was so real to me that I wept like a mourner at my own funeral! I cried my heart out for over 2 hours and did not get off that floor until I was done with feeling sorry for my self.
When I finally got off the floor, I was a new person. I was afraid, I was sad, I was lonely. But those feelings almost seemed foreign, like those emotions were not telling me the truth. And yet there was a great joyfulness in my heart that made me believe as long as I was listening to God, everything was going to be alright.
Without ever knowing about the First Step in AA, God himself gave me the instruction. I was clean for almost a year. Last month I allowed the cares of this world to drive me back to my selfishness and self-pity and fell off the wagon. But God in his mercy led me to this site and I'm going to lay down on the floor again and repent.
I am so thankful for the determination and devotion of all those who keep posting the priceless information on this site.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Glad you are here and found us. SR is a wonderful place to be.
I believe god is there for us and supports and loves us. But he can only look with loving eyes, like a father watching. We must do the work.
I remember my grandpa, he was an Alcoholic and and strong believer in god. He used to say "why does he not get rid of this addiction for me?"
He ended up dying of liver failure. Lesson I learned is that god gave us free choice, he will support us, but not do this for us.
Enjoy the site!!
I believe god is there for us and supports and loves us. But he can only look with loving eyes, like a father watching. We must do the work.
I remember my grandpa, he was an Alcoholic and and strong believer in god. He used to say "why does he not get rid of this addiction for me?"
He ended up dying of liver failure. Lesson I learned is that god gave us free choice, he will support us, but not do this for us.
Enjoy the site!!
Try try again
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hole-in-the-Wall TX
Posts: 88
I totally agree with you, Thepatman. I know there is work involved. Before last month, I was meditating, doing Pilates & Yoga, keeping an attitude of faith and peace and love, putting my priorities in order and staying sober.
I had a lot of life changes in the past few months and allowed the pressures to get to me. I got weak and I fell. But I am back up again.
Thank you for your encouraging words!!
I had a lot of life changes in the past few months and allowed the pressures to get to me. I got weak and I fell. But I am back up again.
Thank you for your encouraging words!!
Happy, Joyous & Free
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Middle Tennessee
Posts: 24
The feeling of the presence of God comes to some of us strongly as it did with you. It was that way for me as well.
I struggles for 2 years in AA and finally gave up. My last drunk lasted 2 years and a week. At the end of that time I had given up and was ready to put a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger. I was sitting on a barstool in Dallas.
I truly believe that God spoke to me that day. The simple words I heard were "You don't have to live this way anymore if you don't want to". At that moment I began to WANT to be sober. Previously I had wanted to drink more than I wanted to be sober.
But I had to have help. I couldn't do it alone. I had heard those words before, many times. I heard them in the rooms of AA and I knew that was where I had to return to if I was to find any peace in my life.
There may be other ways to get sober, but I certainly didn't find them. I haven't found it necessary to pick up a drink in a very long time and it is only by the Grace of God, the 12 steps of AA and the fellowship of AA.
I'm a loner by nature and the "fellowship" was the hardest for me. Today I can walk into any AA meeting anywhere in the world and feel at home. Today, when I introduce myself at meetings, I always say "Hello, Family. I'm grateful to be here sober today".
AA has become my family of CHOICE today. Every new meeting I attend is just a bunch of friends and family I haven't met yet.
If you're not attending meetings, I suggest you give it an honest try. Try 90 meetings in 90 days. If you're not happy with the results, we will gladly refund your misery.
by the way, I sobered up in Texas and I love AA there!
I struggles for 2 years in AA and finally gave up. My last drunk lasted 2 years and a week. At the end of that time I had given up and was ready to put a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger. I was sitting on a barstool in Dallas.
I truly believe that God spoke to me that day. The simple words I heard were "You don't have to live this way anymore if you don't want to". At that moment I began to WANT to be sober. Previously I had wanted to drink more than I wanted to be sober.
But I had to have help. I couldn't do it alone. I had heard those words before, many times. I heard them in the rooms of AA and I knew that was where I had to return to if I was to find any peace in my life.
There may be other ways to get sober, but I certainly didn't find them. I haven't found it necessary to pick up a drink in a very long time and it is only by the Grace of God, the 12 steps of AA and the fellowship of AA.
I'm a loner by nature and the "fellowship" was the hardest for me. Today I can walk into any AA meeting anywhere in the world and feel at home. Today, when I introduce myself at meetings, I always say "Hello, Family. I'm grateful to be here sober today".
AA has become my family of CHOICE today. Every new meeting I attend is just a bunch of friends and family I haven't met yet.
If you're not attending meetings, I suggest you give it an honest try. Try 90 meetings in 90 days. If you're not happy with the results, we will gladly refund your misery.
by the way, I sobered up in Texas and I love AA there!
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