Dan1888

From the age of about 15 I have been a heavy binge drinker, I would go all week with out a drink then when the weekend came I would drink until I was totally wrecked. That would be Friday night, all day saturday and also Sunday. Ive woken up in hospitals and jail cells due to my excessive drinking. Im lucky something seriously bad hasnt happened to me, I blackout most times I drink. This has gone on for the last 20 years, I have tried to stop it but as yet not managed to do it.


Now that I am 35 my body cant take that amount of punishment like it used to and I suffer from 4 day hangovers where I have absolutely no energy and just want to sleep. I manage to hold down a good job as an engineer but little do my fellow workers know just how much of a struggle it is for me on most days due to the vast quantities of alcohol I have drank at the weekend. Its not so much the physical side of the hangover but more the mental side that is really getting to me these days, I feel really low and dont feel like talking to people. I only start feeling better around Thursday then the whole cycle starts again on Friday.

I always tell myself I wont do it again but of course I do. When Friday comes I am consumed with a over-whelming urge to drink, I cant think straight and my good intentions not to drink are forgotten. It really does take me over, I feel like I suddenly want to drink and if I dont I will be on edge, nervous and not be able to sleep. I sometimes get a uncomfortable feeling in my chest that I feel wont go away unless I drink, its almost unexplainable. So inevitably I open a bottle a Vodka and start drinking.

This behavior has definitely ruined my social life and also ruined relationships in the past. Im a naturally fairly shy person which is what started me drinking heavily in the first place all those years ago. For instance the thought of going to a party and not drinking is something I just would not do, Id rather not go at all. Not at this point in my life anyway.

So how can I beat these weekend urges, Ive heard people say, go and do some exercise or something like that. When I get these urges all I can think about is alcohol, exercise is the last thing on my mind.

Can anyone help me or offer advice?

Chasingthedream

Hi Dan1888. I too joined today, my DOC is cocaine but everything you described is exactly how it is with me too. Every Monday morng saying never again, then feeling better by Friday and repeating the same destructive cycle again. And again. There are a few things I've read which have helped. Firstly, your thoughts are just thoughts, don't allow them to have power over you. Secondly- play the scenario through to the end- you know it won't be just one drink. You know where it will inevitably end up. I think if you can get through one weekend you will start to have faith in your ability to do this. So look ahead to the weekend and visualise yourself making a healthy choice and choosing to be sober. I read a
Post about an addict who used to visualise his walk home from a meeting because he knew that if he walked home and found himself on a street corner near where he used to score, he wouldn't have the willpower to resist. So he visualised and planned his route home. I think that's what we need to do, visualise a different path from the one we're on.

Mags1

Hi Dan, habits are hard to break aren't they. I was in a circle , work, shop home drink while cooking tea then carry on drinking until I flaked out on sofa.

The routine changed, work , yes, shop sometimes but no booze in the trolley. I moved the tv out of the kitchen also.

Yes, my cravings were rife some days, especially when I didn't give my body what it craved each night after work. Weekends were a different thing. All the housework got done until I could make an excuse to drink, then pretty much did that all weekend.

So, being sober, I have all this time where , in the past I was either drinking or recovering when I was at home. Now I can drive when I want, do as I wish. The benefits outweigh the cravings, I assure you. Stick with it, it gets so much easier.

I was a person who could not think of life without booze, now I do not want to share anything of me with that life destroying liquid.

When the cravings get difficult visit sr, write down how you feel, there is always someone about to vent your feelings with. It really does help, sr has been my anchor through many rough nights where my av wanted me to go to shops and buy drink and get wasted. Coming here and reading others experiences also, where amazingly we help each other.

freshstart57

Welcome to SR, to Dan1888 and to ChasingTheDream. This is a good place to be, there is a lot of support for you no matter what your drug of choice was.

I like what CTD had to say about this - we are not our thoughts, we are the observer of our thoughts, the watcher . I found it empowering to imagine I am a fly on the wall watching me get an urge to drink, or to imagine watching me on TV. The character had some disappointment or he is angry, or he is in a situation where he used to drink. He is having a thought about drinking, his anxiety level is rising, now it's falling and he decides to go for a walk.... I found that if I could sit with that image, with the idea of having an urge and become its observer, it lost its power to make me do anything.

I also liked the idea of visualizing the sort of person I wanted to become as someone who doesn't drink. That will be a useful exercise for you two. Too. You know what I meant.

I also found that I needed to believe that I deserved this, that I deserved a life without this garbage of addiction running the show. And for me, that meant never believing I could drink or use again. It also meant that I would never do it again, and that I was going to succeed, no matter what.

You can do this too. Believe in yourself. You will succeed.

Aiko

HI Dan1888,

Sorry but you need to stop!
you do have a problem and you know that is a great step!
You have been abusing around 20 years.
Can you try look up some AA, AVRT, or some group?
Or go to your doctor if he can tell you where you can go?

You have to try to find a way to stay sober...
Do not go out for a while and exercise does help.
But you could do with some external help.
I found it in the Social Security a day time centre
you can go and talk and you get some supervision and advice.

You can Stop but you have to be determined not to listen to your AV (addictive Voice).
You can come to the chat room above any time you are going up the walls...
And there are threads you can join here too...

Hope you find the way to Sobriety, It is worth it!!!

Anna

Dan, one thing that might help is to know that your feelings are just feelings. They don't have control over you, even though you think they do. You can recognize the feelings for what they are and let them go. This is what helped me get through the early days.

Chasingthedream

I really like what you said Freshstart, about being a fly on the wall observing your thoughts, in a totally detached manner. I think it will work for me to acknowledge what is going on inside me, rather than just pushing out my thoughts, as I feel that may just empower them and give them weight. Whereas seeing them for what they are, and realising that they have no power over me, will ultimately be the key! I also like what you said about accepting that I DESERVE to be happy and sober. I'm sure many of us here have come to become substance dependent through some kind of emotional/physical abuse or damaging life experience, and using is a form of self abuse which just reinforces those feelings of worthlessness. SO I thought of your words as I walked around the supermarket today, filling my trolley with healthy foods, and reiterating to myself that I deserve to be happy. Thank you. You mention AVRT at the bottom of your page- what is that?

KateL

Welcome Dan xxxx

IOAA2

Welcome Dan. As I read and identified with your post I wondered how you would react if someone else gave you the pain we give ourselves. I continued thinking that repeating the same thing over and over it would get better. I found out later that was my insane thinking. Many on these sites don't like AA which has a long track record of helping people with our problem, but for different reasons, avoid it with much ignorance as to what it really is. These forums help a lot but for my reasons question the long term results as people have a tendency to think subconsciously the problem is repaired. For me and millions face to face help has many advantages.
The first thing for whatever path we choose is to be honest about our drinking, then we don't pick up that first drink using the tools we have chosen. It's simple, not always easy and it is work.

BE WELL

LBrain

Hi Dan, Others have given sound advice. Try to follow it. But as Aiko has stated, if you are unable to control it by will alone then you need to seek help. Sometimes we need to be protected from ourselves. And sometimes the only way is isolation from opportunity. A rehab or whatever. Talk to doctor for sure.
Welcome to you both Dan and CTD.

Carlygirl

Hi Dan
It can be hard to get motivated to exercise at the best of times. Why not try something less taxing. Something that you will enjoy- cinema, nice meal, visit a friend. I have had to break previous habits to achieve sobriety. Sometimes my plan was no more than to go to bed early and wake up without a hangover or regrets.

The first sober weekend, I went away and the change helped. It gets easier.

Chasingthedream

Thanks Carlygirl. I like the idea of not expecting too much, of accepting that just getting through is enough. Putting pressure on ourselves is sometimes why we fail, certainly in my case anyway. I am looking forward to many early nights to come.
Dan1888 , I hope you're doing ok today

huntingtontx

Hi Dan. Welcome to SR. You can do this. As you see we have all been pretty much where you are. I post a pledge on the 24 hour thread each morning that I will not drink for the next twenty four hours. If I want a drink I tell myself tomorrow. I never want a drink in the morning. I post again in the morning. Another thing, most cravings don't last more then 15 minutes. Get busy with something else till it passes. A shower, a drive, a walk, a bowl of ice cream. Ice cream really works good for me. LOL Anyway, welcome and I am so glad you joined us.