New to asking for help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 3
New to asking for help
I have tried to quit drinking many times over. At 14-16 I was hospitalized many times. Each time out I drank worse. It never ended. I always made some excuse, I was a kid. Living life having fun.
I stopped drinking at 18, tried to stay on track. Fighting silently in my own head. A few drinks here N there nothing ever crazy.
21 stated it all back up again, I was going through a divorce, had 2 kids under 3. I couldn't handle it would buy a 30 pack for after I got my kids to bed. Was at the bar as much as I could because finally my drinking was becoming noticed an alcohol was banned from the house, so if I couldn't hide my bottles I found time to go out.
That went on for 3 years. The depression, the stress, the wanting to not be alive. I mustered up the strength. I don't even know how looking back now. But I was sober for almost 5 years with only a handful of drunk nights in those 5 years.
This time last year I started drinking again. It started out slow, girls nights out once a week. Then my neighbors house every night. My 1 drink or 1 beer here an there turned into 1 beer/funk a night. To after a month of that 3 beers a night every night. Then to a 6 pack a night. My Burundi I don't even remember I was so drunk. After that every night I was somewhere drinking. Making people go to the bar with me. Would put my kids to bed N fun out the door not to come home till 2-3am. Every so often I would take a break. But always short lived, never made it past one day.
This past month I barely remember half of it out was to hungover to function.I had to have at least 1 drink a day to stay sane. I stArted going to the bar alone.
Wednesday night I was in the bar parking lot till 3am. Thursday was too hung over to think. This morning I felt ok. Tried, and craving a drink at 7 am. I finally went over everything I sent out on Wednesday when I was drinking. I can't do this anymore. By lunch time today I felt like I was going to die.
I have never had withdraw that I know of. But right now I just want this feeling to stop. On an off with the shakes, restless, feeling like a constaNt panic attack. If this is the result of not drinking I don't know if I can do this alone this time to finally put my drinking behind me,
I stopped drinking at 18, tried to stay on track. Fighting silently in my own head. A few drinks here N there nothing ever crazy.
21 stated it all back up again, I was going through a divorce, had 2 kids under 3. I couldn't handle it would buy a 30 pack for after I got my kids to bed. Was at the bar as much as I could because finally my drinking was becoming noticed an alcohol was banned from the house, so if I couldn't hide my bottles I found time to go out.
That went on for 3 years. The depression, the stress, the wanting to not be alive. I mustered up the strength. I don't even know how looking back now. But I was sober for almost 5 years with only a handful of drunk nights in those 5 years.
This time last year I started drinking again. It started out slow, girls nights out once a week. Then my neighbors house every night. My 1 drink or 1 beer here an there turned into 1 beer/funk a night. To after a month of that 3 beers a night every night. Then to a 6 pack a night. My Burundi I don't even remember I was so drunk. After that every night I was somewhere drinking. Making people go to the bar with me. Would put my kids to bed N fun out the door not to come home till 2-3am. Every so often I would take a break. But always short lived, never made it past one day.
This past month I barely remember half of it out was to hungover to function.I had to have at least 1 drink a day to stay sane. I stArted going to the bar alone.
Wednesday night I was in the bar parking lot till 3am. Thursday was too hung over to think. This morning I felt ok. Tried, and craving a drink at 7 am. I finally went over everything I sent out on Wednesday when I was drinking. I can't do this anymore. By lunch time today I felt like I was going to die.
I have never had withdraw that I know of. But right now I just want this feeling to stop. On an off with the shakes, restless, feeling like a constaNt panic attack. If this is the result of not drinking I don't know if I can do this alone this time to finally put my drinking behind me,
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
You've come to a very supportive site. There are so many ways to get sober. Have you considered going to some AA meetings? What about another program of recovery? Smart, LifeRing, Women for Sobriety? It doesn't matter what you do to stay sober as long as you give it your all.
I see an addiction counselor and it helps me a lot. Is counseling an option for you?
Whatever method you choose, work it with all your effort. Your life depends on it.
I'd also advise seeing your doctor for help in getting safely thru the withdrawal. W/d can be dangerous. Be safe.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 3
Today everything fully hit me. I didn't realize how bad I was, an admitting it is still very hard. I have thought of aa but still scared to be face to face with someone an admit. But I will def be looking into a counselor :-) just tonight I'd proving very difficult to not wanna drink
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome ongoing. We're so happy to have you with us. There's plenty of support & encouragement here for you. Glad you want a better life for yourself - it'll be great to be free.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 3
I just keep thinking one more shot an I will feel better. I know this feeling will pass in due time. But it seems like a never ending battle. Making tonight feel like the worst night of my life. In the beginning what was some coping methods used to move past early sobriety jitters?
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