doggonecarl

Good that you are going back and re-reading, because the advice still stands. You said in one your replies, quitting is both easy and hard. No, it's not. It's hard. And perhaps the hardest thing is making the needed (and often simple) changes to support your recovery.

As for feeling blah, all change, even change for the good, contains some measure of discomfort. Stay sober and you'll feel better.

Nuudawn

Hi NMD...I too have just returned after a 4 plus month stint of sobriety and a six month attempt at moderation. In that time, I think I have only gotten what I would determine "drunk" about 4 or 5 times but I returned to a daily glass or two of wine.sometimes a bit more..sometimes a bit less.. I am only 2 days in and I am well aware that it might be perilously easy for me to say "hey..you're not doing too bad"...my lack of dark consequence so far is disconcerting but so is my lack of forward progress in life.

I have fallen back into existing...spinning wheels...between my evening drinks. It might not be a bottle of vodka a sitting..but it's almost achieving the same thing. I'm doing nothing. I put the booze blinders back on....

My knees are shaky though...so I thought I would say "hey". Welcome back.

nmd

Nuudawn, it is tough to fight the temptation to try and "control" drinking with willpower. I might go for a few days or a week with a beer or two or three at night. It gets me hooked again though and then once I have the time to dink it's a twelve pack or a couple bottles of wine, etc... It's my gradual progression and the fact that I really can't control it. I just keep revising my numbers up with time to match my drinking and try to fool myself into thinking that this is what I want. It's not, and drinking every day sucks. I guess like me, you haven't hit bottom, but I don't want to and I can see where I'm heading and I want to stop now. I'm rooting for you and good luck!

Nuudawn

Well now...I'm rooting for you too! Just reading your response made me realize that despite all I knew in last sobriety...all I gained and learned...I just had to toy with the damn devil again! So ya..I have not gotten a DUI or lost my job or killed anyone (all terrifyingly possible)..but I made a decision for sobriety last year and I didn't stick to it. Why?

The reason lies in the very essence of addiction. What in the world does alcohol give me? Not a whole lot..but ya know what one thing I don't like is "being different"..not being able to adjust or hide into circumstances around me. I want to "blend" and not drinking makes me stick out a little...

Well thats just lame..
I need to get over that...
Drinking hits me hard from the first drink and although I have managed to keep it under my hat so to speak...it's just a matter of time and I know it.

nmd

Being a non-drinker in a lot of social situations can be hard. I have had occasionally a friend call me out if I'm not drinking and push booze (at a poker game), but I guess that makes me more angry than it tempts me. I tend drink a lot more in in socially awkward or stressful situations and that's all about dealing with my own feelings (or not dealing with them). Kind of like self-medicating social anxiety for me at least. I know I will face that again, but hopefully it will turn out to be no big deal once I get past the urges to drink. I wouldn't say your reasons are lame, it's just hard to get used to facing the world with a new mental state.