seethefuture

Hello All,

I occasionally post here and do come to read posts for inspiration and to try and help me understand my triggers.

I definitely have what I call my "party switch" that can get flipped after a few and in the right situation (in a social/party situation). However, I seem to do just fine over all with social drinking (haha, get ready) but will overdo it after a particularly successful day. This includes drinking at home with significant other either after we've been out, or after dinner. I just keep pouring and there is no reason as I am very happy to be spending my time with him.

I am just now putting this together after a long time of trying to catch my patterns. My life has been a very big struggle with many major stresses for the past 2 years so I've always thought it was just that I gave in to it here and there. But now I see that it's like I am determined to not have very many good days in a row.

Does/did anyone else have that self-destructive urge to essentially ruin the next day with a hangover and guilt after having a very good, well planned day? Why am I doing that? It is important to me to understand what would make me do that, because if I successfully stop drinking, or at a minimum stop this behavior, I am afraid I will find another way to sabotage my professional and personal success.

I do have a psychiatrist and most definitely will ask her at my next appointment but would love to hear from anyone that has insight.

Thanks!!

Nonsensical

Not sure if this will help you, but I'll tell you how it applied to me.

For several years I thought I was self-destructive. It was the only way I could understand my drinking behavior. I knew drinking was wrecking things, but I kept doing it - therefore, I MUST be self-destructive. That seemed logical to me.

Turns out it wasn't true.

I wasn't trying to ruin anything. I was trying to get drunk. I kept trying to find ways to get drunk and not have any negative consequences from it. I wasn't self-destructive, I was addicted.

Once I understood the difference I was able to kick the habit.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

Tang

I'll add to what nonsensical said. I drink to get buzzed or high or whatever you want to call it. Could be a nice day and a very good feeling or a bad day and I want to numb bad feelings. The fact is I love the feeling and want it more than any consequences. That's what addiction is, when you do the behavior despite negative consequences. I certainly don't like a hangover, but my addictive voice lies to me and tricks me to thinking all that matters is getting the substance now.

seethefuture

Thank you both for your interesting and on target replies. It makes sense. I do just like that feeling - but that I do it knowing that the next day will be rough, and that my life will NOT improve until I am more productive is just amazing. Addiction stinks!