Suekie

I went sober on 11/19... 61 days later I posted in here I was having a lot of trouble. That night I gave in and I haven't looked back since.
I'm drinking almost nightly, didn't go to work today and I'm back on xanax and nyquil daily. I have managed to stay away from Norco/Vicodin but mainly because they are hard to come by these days. Some days I'm ok and rationalize.. this is just me. Other days, most days, I hate myself. But being sober those 61 days was no picnic either. I think I am just ready to throw in the towel and just completely say eff it. I obviously have no self control and I feel like there is nothing I can do to save myself. Somedays I even feel like I'm possessed. Life is too hard sober and too hard drunk/pilled out. It seems like everyone around me has it easy and I'm stuck in a pity party of why me. I know, .. weak... pathetic... So over these feelings. I just want to wake up and be 85 and die via morphine drip and be done with this place that more often than not I think is hell.

Dee74

I'm glad to hear from you Suekie.
Why not post here regularly again? It seemed to help last time.

Once you get a start then you can look at what you need to do to keep the momentum going?

D

Hevyn

I agree Suekie. It can't hurt to post your thoughts and feelings here - we care about you.

courage2

Welcome back, Suekie!

I agree with Dee. If you got yourself straight for a while you can do it again, and then decide what you need to add to your support to make it work better. I relapsed in January at close to the same time as you, after a year sober. The relapse let me know I wasn't doing enough for my recovery. The second time around I was able to decide on some additional steps that so far are making a big difference.

Wishing you a brighter, sober future!

KateL

Hi Suekie. Been there and felt just the same. You can pull yourself back from this xxxxxxx

seaside

HI, wow I know that self-pity feeling so well. Of course it's so much worse when you're using. What got me over that feeling was when another recovering person pointed it out to me. I was so mad. I was allowed to say it about myself but I didn't want to hear it from some one else. After that I was going to do whatever I needed to do to work through it and get over it. Sobriety and then small acomplishment just for yourself....I hope that makes sense....Glad you posted here...I love this place

MnEman

I think deep down you are not ready to give up yet, or wouldn't have posted back. But it is really difficult, and luckily we all here get it. I wasn't around on these boards when you got sober, so I don't know your background, so I'm not going to make suggestions about what you should do. You likely already know what you should do judging by your number of posts. You sound like you are in a lot of pain, please let us know how we can help.

HOMECARENURSE1

I have been in the exact same place. I am new to recovery, right at 30 days. Don't give up!! I too have thought of giving up but we are all children of god. Whatever god you believe in, & we are here for a purpose. Keep trying, that is all we can do.

Anna

Suekie,

We are here for you, and I hope you continue to post.

FreeFall

Suekie, It may seem like everyone around you has it easier, but that is rarely the real case. Everyone has something they're dealing with. You're not being pathetic, you're just frustrated and tired of the addiction cycles. I agree, sobriety is not a picnic, but I do feel it is much easier to deal with what life throws at you with a clear head. It wasn't a picnic dealing with the aftereffects of partying nights either as I'm sure you well know.

Try to just wake up each day and be kind to yourself. Try to quit a few minutes at a time over and over again. Get enough sleep, drink enough water.
Hibernate, keep a journal, watch mindless tv, heal.

My mom is 85 and that REALLY is no picnic! Be very very careful what you wish for!

FeelingGreat

Hi Suekie, maybe you need more support than just will-power. Have you spoken to a professional about the possibility you're depressed. You have a lot of negative talk going on in your head, and it doesn't have to be that way.

Michael66

Hi Suekie

It's hard isn't it. And for some of us we don't really feel the benefits for several months after giving up, which makes those early weeks really hard.

You're not alone Suekie. Keep coming here. No one should feel alone whether they've been successful in giving up or whether they are really struggling.

May you be well. May you be at peace. May you be free from suffering.

God bless,

Michael

least

I hope you will continue to come here and post. We want to help you. You are not hopeless.

mecanix

hi suekie

I hope you come and join in again

I try to remember in some ways i'm lucky , 780 million people in the world can't even get clean drinking water , i just turn the faucet .

Bestwishes, m

Suekie

Thank you all for your kind, heart felt posts. I'm still not ready to stop, but I took a small step and saw a therapist last Thursday and they prescribed me Lexapro. I am hoping it helps. I want to quit again, I am scared to take the step but I know I have to. I am just so sick of failing and I don't know that I can handle relapsing again. Thank you all again. These forums have some of the kindest people I've ever encountered in life. Good night.

Dee74

Please be very careful mixing meds with alcohol Suekie.
It's not recommended.
D

1newcreation

Realise that not ready to "quit yet" but what made the change after 2 mths of sobriety? Coz nothing changes if nothing changes