GotGrace

My husband takes a business trip on this weekend every year. Last year on this Saturday, I wrestled with the question, "Am I an alcoholic?" I was terribly hungover from just another Friday night (and I knew that isn't how normal people spend their Saturdays). Yet I could count on a hangover every Saturday and Sunday, some worse than others, but a hangover without fail.

Saturday, I lay in my bed while life happened around me. Kids played, argued, watched tv, ate, and there I lay, terrified that I needed to stop drinking altogether. I was sad, angry, worried, embarrassed, ashamed, confused, afraid, and alone.

It took me 5 more months to make the commitment to myself to stop drinking entirely. I have been sober since August 25, 2013.

My husband left on his business trip today. I am not hungover. I got up after 9 restful hours of sleep and helped a friend host a party to celebrate her remission from cancer. I have eaten healthy food today. I helped one of my kids clean her closet. I plan to go shopping and host a group of high school kids this evening.

This process is unending. I have cried and felt emotions I haven't felt for years (decades). I have laughed and rediscovered myself, my voice, my interests, my strengths. I no longer feel rushed. I no longer sweat while I prepare for my day. I no longer have internal arguments about whether, when, and how much I will drink tonight. I no longer wake up wondering how I could have allowed myself to drink so much last night. I no longer forget things my family has told me (well, not as often, anyway!!). I don't repeat myself needlessly.

I am on a journey. I must take each day one at a time. I can't yet think about forever. But I can remember a year ago and know I never want to go back there again.

Thanks to everyone at SR for being my #1 support and inspiration. I am so thankful for what this forum has done to help me turn things around!

toddle118

Good for you! Not an easy journey Im sure, but stories such as yours give us all inspiration it is possible, thank you

Shoshie8

Thank-you so much for this post GotGrace. I find peoples' 'then' and 'now' journeys so inspiring and motivating. I'm one week and one day into my personal sobriety journey, I too hope to have something uplifting to pay forward in time.

Congratulations to you on your one year anniversary x

SoberLeigh

What a beautiful post, GotGrace. Your name suits you very well.

least

Congrats on your progress. And thank you for sharing.

Dee74

Thanks for sharing that GotGrace - great post!
Congratulations on your upcoming 7 months

D

Shoshie8

Oops..heartfelt congrats on 7/12th anniversary GotGrace

Mags1

This process is unending. I have cried and felt emotions I haven't felt for years (decades). I have laughed and rediscovered myself, my voice, my interests, my strengths. I no longer feel rushed. I no longer sweat while I prepare for my day. I no longer have internal arguments about whether, when, and how much I will drink tonight. I no longer wake up wondering how I could have allowed myself to drink so much last night.

Hi GotGrace your words are just how I feel, too. My emotions are all over the place, good and bad, it's like I'm discovering a new me. It's been mentioned never to make any big decisions until at least a year sober. I heed those words. But the best thing, we are sober.

tornrealization

Thanks for your post. I also like that people do the then and now posts. It gives us new guys hope.

Hevyn

I loved hearing that good news GotGrace. It took me about the same length of time to actually quit - but it stuck this time. We are very proud of you.

GotGrace

Needmyfamily, I knew something needed to change for years. Maybe even decades. I tried moderation plenty of times.

Finally, I read "The Sober Revolution: Women Call Time on Wine O'Clock (link here The Sober Revolution: Women Calling Time on Wine O'Clock (Volume 1): Sarah Turner, Lucy Rocca: 9781783752089: Amazon.com: Books) and I realized that I was not alone! That was incredibly empowering for me, knowing that what I was experiencing, the shame, dread, fear, feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness, was not unique to me and could be changed. I was not bound to feel that way forever.

After a couple weeks of sobriety, I found SR and, as I mentioned in my original post, it has been so very helpful. Reading all the posts from people ahead of me, posting and getting responses when I was tempted to drink, and daily check-ins with my Setember 2013 classmates (who are amazing!), have kept me on the good path. As the weeks have gone by, reading newcomers' posts has been so helpful too; I clearly remember feeling the way so many newbies feel, I realize how much I have learned, and I am reminded how powerful this disease is.

Finally, I will share this saying that I saw shortly after I stopped drinking which I wish I had seen sooner: Fear of the thing is worse than the thing itself. Taking the first step is the toughest part.

Good luck, Needmyfamily. It can be done!

WakeUpBomb

so happy for you!