Too Much
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Too Much
It just got too much for me, 7th day and I caved, 5 pints of cider, goona have another two. Im not ashamed and im not apologizing I am just expressing!
I CANT just keep white knuckling it and '' holding on '' day in and day out just HOPING it goes away, there is TOO MUCH pain inside, I refuse yes simply refuse to go through this hell to reach '' wonderful sobriety '' ........... My sobriety is AGONY with every single thought! Cant do that anymore!
I CANT just keep white knuckling it and '' holding on '' day in and day out just HOPING it goes away, there is TOO MUCH pain inside, I refuse yes simply refuse to go through this hell to reach '' wonderful sobriety '' ........... My sobriety is AGONY with every single thought! Cant do that anymore!
Phoenix Rising Again
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 3,079
Originally Posted by Chilledice 
It just got too much for me, 7th day and I caved, 5 pints of cider, goona have another two. Im not ashamed and im not apologizing I am just expressing!
I CANT just keep white knuckling it and '' holding on '' day in and day out just HOPING it goes away, there is TOO MUCH pain inside, I refuse yes simply refuse to go through this hell to reach '' wonderful sobriety '' ........... My sobriety is AGONY with every single thought! Cant do that anymore!
I CANT just keep white knuckling it and '' holding on '' day in and day out just HOPING it goes away, there is TOO MUCH pain inside, I refuse yes simply refuse to go through this hell to reach '' wonderful sobriety '' ........... My sobriety is AGONY with every single thought! Cant do that anymore!
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
I think most of us needed a good support system in early sobriety. SR is great online support, but face-to-face support can be invaluable. You don't have to white-knuckle it and you don't have to go through it alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
I am sorry just had to talk here, its just TOO HARD for me to deal with life, ive spoken with a number of therapists but their experience is only on paper they have no clue in all reality! I just cant do it! I cant stop taking my emotional pain killer ( alcohol ) .
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
You CAN do, chilledice. But you need to want it bad enough to do whatever is necessary. A detox facility can get you past the physical withdrawls and all alcohol out of your system. After that, it's mental and you can go to AA meetings and work the steps, or you can utilize one of the many other recovery programs out there.
You CAN do it.
You CAN do it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Welshman living in Cork, Ireland
Posts: 737
Oh Chilledice, I'm so sorry for you.
You seemed to be doing so well. I had no idea you were hurting that badly. I knew you were struggling. Oh man.
Right, draw a line, it's done now, no judgement. It's happened to me and probably most people here. I EXPECT to hear from you tomorrow and we'll start again. From your posts, I really felt an affinity with you. You're a good guy.
Plan for tomorrow.
Wake up
Feel like s***
regret, self loathe, blah blah blah
Dust yourself down
Shower
Shave
Share on SR
OK?
You seemed to be doing so well. I had no idea you were hurting that badly. I knew you were struggling. Oh man.
Right, draw a line, it's done now, no judgement. It's happened to me and probably most people here. I EXPECT to hear from you tomorrow and we'll start again. From your posts, I really felt an affinity with you. You're a good guy.
Plan for tomorrow.
Wake up
Feel like s***
regret, self loathe, blah blah blah
Dust yourself down
Shower
Shave
Share on SR
OK?
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Chilledice
I CANT just keep white knuckling it and '' holding on '' day in and day out just HOPING it goes away, there is TOO MUCH pain inside, I refuse yes simply refuse to go through this hell to reach '' wonderful sobriety '' ........... My sobriety is AGONY with every single thought! Cant do that anymore!
Drinking and drugging provides instant gratification. Expecting that from recovery is normal, but unrealistic.
You made SR your main support it seems, and that's wonderful. Perhaps you just need to add one or two components to your recovery to get through these oh-so-tough early days. And everyone here who has gotten sober went through them; so can you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
You guys have been great and I have found support here, I also have support from family and friends and a family friend who has 6 years sober under his belt but I still can find no peace in myself , I blame nobody but myself for drinking, I must also add that I have sought after professional help but they were clueless and just rambled on a but of jargon and blah blah................ Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh sorry guys il be sober tomorrow and start again!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Originally Posted by Sparkos
Oh Chilledice, I'm so sorry for you.
You seemed to be doing so well. I had no idea you were hurting that badly. I knew you were struggling. Oh man.
Right, draw a line, it's done now, no judgement. It's happened to me and probably most people here. I EXPECT to hear from you tomorrow and we'll start again. From your posts, I really felt an affinity with you. You're a good guy.
Plan for tomorrow.
Wake up
Feel like s***
regret, self loathe, blah blah blah
Dust yourself down
Shower
Shave
Share on SR
OK?
You seemed to be doing so well. I had no idea you were hurting that badly. I knew you were struggling. Oh man.
Right, draw a line, it's done now, no judgement. It's happened to me and probably most people here. I EXPECT to hear from you tomorrow and we'll start again. From your posts, I really felt an affinity with you. You're a good guy.
Plan for tomorrow.
Wake up
Feel like s***
regret, self loathe, blah blah blah
Dust yourself down
Shower
Shave
Share on SR
OK?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Don't give up, the fact your still posting is a positive thing, something within you still wants to be Sober and you haven't given up just yet.
Tomorrow is a new day, go at it again, you'll get there!!
Tomorrow is a new day, go at it again, you'll get there!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Chilledice.
Noone finds peace in themselves in 6 days, man.
If your issues are like mine, they're years decades old.
It will take time to to find them, engage with them, and then sort them out.
Gotta be honest, it took me my first year to make headway with my long standing emotional pain.
It wasn't a year of agony tho
Sometimes it will hurt - but you'll find if you ignore that impulsive panic reaction that drove you to those pints this time, if you can push through that, you'll find it's not the excruciating agony you fear it is.
It's not fun, but it needs to be done,. I think
I recommend you find a good counsellor - not all of them are simply book smart - the best of them have experience to back that up.
Noone needs to drink, chilledice, thats just what you've convinced yourself over the years.
Drinking simply pushes the pain to one side. It's not a solution. It's tylenol to a broken limb. It's running away.
To sort out emotional pain and be happy, you need to engage with it.
There is a happy, even joyful life waiting, but first you have to slay some dragons.
You're not alone - there's tons of support here. You can do this
D
Noone finds peace in themselves in 6 days, man.
If your issues are like mine, they're years decades old.
It will take time to to find them, engage with them, and then sort them out.
Gotta be honest, it took me my first year to make headway with my long standing emotional pain.
It wasn't a year of agony tho
Sometimes it will hurt - but you'll find if you ignore that impulsive panic reaction that drove you to those pints this time, if you can push through that, you'll find it's not the excruciating agony you fear it is.
It's not fun, but it needs to be done,. I think
I recommend you find a good counsellor - not all of them are simply book smart - the best of them have experience to back that up.
Noone needs to drink, chilledice, thats just what you've convinced yourself over the years.
Drinking simply pushes the pain to one side. It's not a solution. It's tylenol to a broken limb. It's running away.
To sort out emotional pain and be happy, you need to engage with it.
There is a happy, even joyful life waiting, but first you have to slay some dragons.
You're not alone - there's tons of support here. You can do this
D
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