Nonsensical

I was a "high bottom" drunk. I never lost my job or my family or my home. No DUIs. No injuries. How could I be an alcoholic? I knew my drinking was a problem. I knew I drank too much and too often, but was it really alcoholism?

I would quit for a few days or weeks, but I kept coming back to it. I kept trying to drink in moderation; to impose some limits. I kept trying to constrain my drinking in some way that would make it less of a problem.

It was all wasted effort. At some point all of my schemes, plans, and regimens were exposed as ineffective by me doing something obviously stupid (and potentially tragic) under the influence.

But, I was unwilling to give it up altogether.

Why? Alcohol was a problem, I knew this. Why did I fear and resist just giving it up? Why could I not imagine living without it?





If you know that alcohol is a problem in your life, but you can't imagine living without it - ask yourself why? Why do I think I can't live without it? Why do I insist on trying over and over again to moderate despite all of the failed moderation attempts in my past?

You don't HAVE to lose everything and bottom out to realize it is time to quit. You can stop now.

Jus

What a good post

I too, was unwilling to give it up altogether
because a part of my brain, the alcoholic part,
kept telling me it would be different. Ha!!!

Thank you so much
for sharing this.

Shoshie8

This is a brilliant post. Can relate to it, thanks for sharing..

IOAA2

"I was a "high bottom" drunk. I never lost my job or my family or my home. No DUIs. No injuries. How could I be an alcoholic? I knew my drinking was a problem. I knew I drank too much and too often."

I identify too much because in my early period in AA those were my words. Then one day a gentle old timer suggested that I add the words YET for Your Eligible Too. That clicked!

BE WELL

tornrealization

YET . That is so true.

RevivingOphelia

Totally identify. Great post!

MIRecovery

Excellent!!!!

Why, why, why because we are alcoholic

Rickh54

Another twist to the High Bottom Drunk is a high functioning alcoholic. That was me.
Had a bad case of the YETS. High bottom or high functioning is not a genre of the disease. It is a stage. A stage that will eventually get worse and the YETS will one by one get picked off. I am four months sober tomorrow and thanks to my family, my dr. and my own sheer determination, I am healing. For 45 years I was a progressively heavier drinker. More consumption, more often. Liver problems showed up. Quit the day I had my discussion with the DR. November 11/2013 was the last beer. Liver has repaired, outlook/moods have repaired, wallet is fatter. So am I as I have switched to ice cream and jujubes. Will deal with those in time as well.
Moderation did not work for me, or anyone else for that matter. Only one solution is available to us drunks. You know what that is. Sure it's a struggle. So what. Life is a struggle. Change of activity, change of friends in some cases, change of mindset. Work a plan, use your support group, be true to yourself, visit the person in the mirror and keep asking the tough question, "do I want to live or do I want to die" .
Best wishes to you all.
Rick

Nonsensical

The question I kept asking was "How can I control my drinking?"

The question I should have been asking was "Why don't I want to quit drinking? What am I afraid of?"


If the thought of living the rest of your life without alcohol frightens you, that's an answer, not a question. Stop trying to figure out how to drink better next time and start working on your real problem.

FeelingGreat

I think some people aren't born alcoholics; they work themselves conscientiously towards becoming an alcoholic through gradually increasing tolerance. One day they realise they've got a problem, then for many there are repeated efforts to moderate, some work for a short time, but always end up where they started. So the truth dawns that you are an alcoholic and abstinence is the only solution.
If you can stop at this point, you are lucky.

FeenixxRising

Fantastic post Nonsensical. You've described my drinking problem perfectly. I tell myself everyday that I must have the courage to allow myself the time to build a happy life without alcohol. I tell myself that not drinking is not depriving myself of anything good or fun

mecanix

Yeh i didn't want to know that the answer to the question of how do i stop being a problem drinker, alcoholic call it whatever you like , was not to drink .

Im very aware of the questions i ask these days . As quite often we have the answer to the question we're asking but find ourselves unwilling to accept the answer and come up with all kinds of procrastination other than act upon it .

Bestwishes, m

PurpleKnight

Great post!!

Aarryckha

Great post. Thank you very much.

Lind

What a great post!! I could relate!!

Lance40

This was a great post for me to read. I also relate to being a high functioning alcoholic in that aside from relatively minor inconveniences related to hangovers that I never have had a problem with family life, work, drunken driving, health, etc.

If I'm honest I think I'd have to admit I always took that as a sign of it being "okay" or a "better" sort of problem, but the sobering comments here about "YET" and "stages" make me realize that progression was inevitable and that everyone who is farther along with their addiction was probably once just where I was.

When I look even over the past year I can identify the frequency and quantity of alcohol consumption going up. Where I used to think 200ml of vodka was quite a lot I got to a point before I quit where 350ml was "normal". I always had a very strong stance against drinking and driving - even if I had only 1 serving of alcohol, and thinking about it I realize that towards the end I would justify hopping into the car drunk to make a quick few block hop to the liquor store on the justification that it was just residential city driving for only a few blocks.