Whathappendtome

(x iv herion user ) I am 23 yrs old , I have been sober for 3 years , in those three years I married my high school sweetheart and had two lovely children . I went back to school and became a cna and medication tech . The problem is I am sooooo ******* weird and just plain awkward. I am socially stupid.sometimes I start personal conversations with strangers . Sometimes I am too busy cutting people off for it to be considered a conversation. I don't know what I like , who I like , who I am , how to be, how to act , how to be alone with myself, I find myself singing random songs in my head in the middle of a conversation. Hell I question myself so much it should be considered hearing voices . I am in my head at ever spare minute, and even the ones that are not spare. Over all I am utterly weird. My husband sometimes asks , who are you? I don't remember you being this way? I feel like the world can see the terrible, ugliness inside me . I look down a lot and walk with no confidence. My spirit is dead and yet I have so much life left. I feel so damn old , sometimes I feel like I don't know how to raise my babies , Imdo a great job but don't know if they would be better off without me and the poison I bring with me

Goldcoastgirl

Hi there, sounds like you have some major anxiety going on in there - that must be very unpleasant and scary for you. I think you really should see your doctor and get a referral to a counsellor/psychologist, maybe there is some chemical unbalance going on in you that needs sorting out. Don't let it wait too long, people are always there to help you so don't give up. Let us know how you are x

Whathappendtome

Haha now that I look at it it does look like some serious anxiety

Hevyn

Welcome whathappened. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, but I'm glad you reached out.

I agree with Goldcoastgirl about seeing a doctor and being honest about your feelings. Your husband has noticed a difference too - so it's not something you're imagining. I tend to feel uncomfortable in my own skin at times - I think some of that is normal - but if you're feeling as if you shouldn't be here, you need expert help to figure this out. Of course your children wouldn't be better off without you. I hope you will seek some help. Meanwhile, we are glad you joined us.

Whathappendtome

I am not suicidal , just would almost rather escape and be alone , it's hard to be social again

Whathappendtome

I guess I was just rambling.

Whathappendtome

Uncomfortable in my own skin , perfect that's how I feel

Hevyn

It doesn't sound like rambling at all.

Dee74

Hi and welcome whathappenedtome

I think, despite our different drugs of choice, most of us can identify with that uncomfortable in our own skin feeling - for a lot of us it's one of the main reasons we used or drank.

The catch is to get to know ourselves and hopefully get comfortable with ourselves we need to be clean and sober.

It can be tough, but it's not impossible

I think the feeling of facing reality is way greater than actually facing reality - and you're not alone here, there's a lot of support and understanding...

you can totally do this

D