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Old 02-28-2014, 01:34 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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What to do?

I have been sober for over 8 weeks. Excluding pregnancy, this is the longest period of my life without alcohol and I consider it an achievement.

Previously, I drank every evening with my husband. We sat in the living room, watched DVD's, ate and drank. If we were out in the evening at a non drinking event, we would drink on our return. My husband is drinking every night at the moment.

I am finding weekend evenings HARD. At times, I feel so ill at ease that I am near to tears. Monday to Thursday, between all family members, we have an event each night such as language classes, swimming lessons etc and that structure provides activities to divert me from drinking.

Some Fridays and Saturdays since getting sober, I have arranged to meet friends, babysit for others or go out with the family. But it's not a realistic plan to ask my husband to stay in with our young child every weekend night, it's not financially viable for the family to go all these nights, nor do I want to go out every night of the week. I enjoy my home.

However, since quitting, I have NEVER sat in my living room and watched TV. Nor have I eaten my favourite foods such as curry. These two seemingly innocent activities-watching TV and eating curry are so intertwined with drinking for me that I feel afraid of them.

As a consequence, on Friday and Saturday nights, if I am at home, I have no strategy for enjoying myself. My husband drinks and watches TV downstairs. I come up to bed REALLY early and look at SR.

My counsellor suggests I try to sit in the living room and watch TV for 30 mins only- sit through the discomfort and observe it. Tonight isFriday night and I can't reconcile the effort of pushing away thoughts of drinking with making myself do the things I did previously when drinking, without the drink.

I have supports in place for my sobriety-weekly mindfulness classes, alcohol counselling and SR. I also reward myself with treats such as manicures.

The absence of a satisfactory strategy for weekend nights at home is the biggest threat to my sobriety so far and I am reaching out for your ideas, thoughts and experiences.
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Old 02-28-2014, 01:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
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What worked for me was changing routines, and I changed anything I could related to drinking. I drove home a different way from work, shopped at different stores, etc. It really helped me to start new behaviours and to let go of the old. I even got rid of all the wine glasses.

If sitting and watching TV is a trigger, how about moving into a different part of the house. You could listen to music or read, anything that helps you get through the night.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
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Old 02-28-2014, 01:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: eastern USA
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I know it's hard to find activities to replace drinking. Even harder when those activities you used to do just remind you of drinking. I'd suggest what the counselor said. Just watch TV for a short while, to get used to doing it without drinking. Keep doing that until you feel comfortable.

Congrats on 8 weeks sober!
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

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Old 02-28-2014, 02:07 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I am facing the same problem. It is my house with husband that drinking happened. He's not drinking tonight and I convinced him to go shopping tonight. That won't be always the case. Years ago I went sober and did the same thing as you. Went to my bedroom. It was my safe zone. It still is.
I simply wanted to share with you that you're not alone.
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